The new Ohio Union at OSU, flashmob style. Pretty sweet digs- looks like a giant shopping mall. Enjoy:

Tip to all future douchy news anchors, try to avoid saying the word “penis” on live television.

You’re welcome.

Working for a large global corporation has a few perks, most importantly the ‘Reply All’ e-mail bombs that can erupt at any time. Such was the case this past Monday when I woke up to a delightful string in my inbox that had been going on for several hours in Europe.

It all starts when a mass distribution e-mail goes out and people hit “Reply All” rather than “Reply” to submit their response(s). It’s a simple enough mistake but one that’s unforgivable after the first 10 responses or so. Unforgivable and yet utterly entertaining for those on the rest of the distribution list.

With that introduction, I present to you the Greatest Reply All Ever (with changed names to shield the innocent). It all started when some Russian spammer somehow got a global distribution list for the large multinational company:

• 12:36am - Russian spammer, something to the effect of “Hello lovely people, click this link to destroy your computer and end your career, I love Levi’s Jeans”.
• 1:49am - From Lantana: “Hi Ivan, thank you for the info :), Regards, unsuspecting and clueless first victim”
• 2:02am - From Steve: “I think you may have accidentally sent this to the wrong email address. I am an Engineer in Australia. I know nothing about this topic. The intended recipient would not have got this email. Regards, Steve”
• 2:07am - From Andy: “Really Steve…wow.”
• 2:09am - From Chad: “Yes me too! I haven’t a clue what this is all about.”
• 2:11am - From Alfonso (in reference to Andy’s e-mail): “Good one, thanks. Alfonso”
• 2:14am - From Alex: “Stop it”.
• 2:14am - From Jean-Phillippe: “Je ne comprends rien a tout ca. Merci de ne plus renvoyer ce genre de message.”
• 2:15am - From Elen: “Include me on that list. I don’t know what this relates to either.”
• 2:17am - From Jonathan: “Please stop hitting reply all. If you would like to send a specific message to someone, feel free to leave me out. Thank you.”
• 2:17am - From Oleg: “I don’t think anyone would understand serb or cro or whatever it is…”
• 2:18am - From Gavin: “Me either”.
• 2:19am - From Isaac: “Can you please STOP reply to all. It will be a mess all over the world. Please….”
• 2:21am - From Anthony: “All, these are spam messages. Please do not reply.”
• 2:21am - From Russel: “I have been deleting them - but I would appreciate being taken off the list!!!!”
• 2:21am - From Phil: “Stop it right now”.
• 2:22am - From Ed: “No more reply alls. This is ridiculous and a complete pain. Stop please.”
• 2:22am - From Kate: “You should delete all and ignore as you could be infecting everyone’s computers!!!!!!!”
• 2:23am - From David: “stop replying to all reply just to original sender”
• 2:24am - From Fred: “I am getting copied as well.. Pls check the dl list!”
• 2:31am - From Ivan: “All, it’s Russian spam! Please don’t reply all, don’t open the lin, may be a virus.”
• 2:31am - From Sam: “ALL, Please do NOT reply to this known Spam mail. Also do NOT click on any links in the mail. You are in the list as it includes every employee in the world, hence every reply to ALL generates another 80K of emails clogging the mail servers. It is not possible to remove you. Just delete it. This mail included.”
• 2:39am - From Allen: “Please stop emailing me, I’m just a lowly employee in Botswana. I did nothing to deserve this harassment. It’s starting to stress me out, I don’t speak Serbian and my computers inbox continues to beep at me. I have no power or influence but I operate real good.”
• 3:19am - From Chaz: “Hi, Please, modify your delivery list. I am not concerned.”
• 3:25am - From Mary: “yes, please, the same to me, Many thanks in advance.”
• 3:30am - From Matt: “likewise.”
• 3:34am - From Randy: “Same thing.”
• 3:36am - From Jeff: “Is this a wind up, I’m getting hundreds of these e-mails and I have no idea what they are about.”
• 3:47am - From Tim: “Also.”
• 3:50am - From Roger: “Let me be the last one to hit reply all on this nonsense email. Please, Please, STOP hitting reply all!”
• 4:07am - From Allen: “Hi everyone. If you people just make a rule on the e-mail application you are using to block e-mails containing the name of the spammer, you will stop receiving these messages even when people respond with reply all. Have a nice day.”
• 4:31am - From Hideki: “Please delete my name from your distribution list.”
• 4:31am - From Frank: “Same thing.”
• 4:32am - From Sven: “Me too, get me off this list!”
• 4:33am - From Sally: “Pls also delete my name for your list.”
• 4:37am - From Vlad: “Same thing.”
• 4:38am - From Enrico: “Please delete my name from your distribution list.”
• 4:39am - From Gary: “Pls also delete my name.”
• 4:44am - From Jackson: “Hi, please delete my name from your distribution list.”
• 4:45am - From Liza: “..and my name also.”
• 4:46am - From Julia: “Please, the same to me.”
• 4:47am - From Steny: “Stop it now.”
• 4:48am - From Gamir: “Please, the same to me.”
• 4:49am - From Karen: “Please delete my name.”
• 4:50am - From Chuck: “Hello Gamir, How r u.”
• 4:50am - From Nick: “You’re all idiots.”

And so it ended, the greatest reply all ever, and the greatest finish of all time if you ask me.

You’re welcome.

Better hide your Peeps. Enjoy:

The Buckeyes might be one of the thinner teams in the dance but with Evan Turner, anything is possible. Here’s a sweet vid to get you pumped up for the tourney:

You’re welcome.

Hopefully this is a sign of good things to come next week (and the week after). I present to you the best player in college basketball:

You’re welcome.

The rain in Spain might fall mainly on the plain but in Argentina it falls on the street and creates these sweet-ass puddles. All my life, I’ve been trying to hit a puddle like this. On my bike after every rain storm when I was a kid, and in the car after every rain storm now that I’m an adult.

Enjoy:

Here’s to a Miracle on Ice part II. Enjoy:

Just when you think you’re having a good week…

I’m not a big Kobe Bryant fan but dang this is a catchy commercial. Enjoy:

Nothing should bring in the FCC quicker than the intersection of these two phrases: “Martha Stewart” and “pole dancing”. Well, not really pole dancing, more like wriggling uncomfortably in close proximity to a pole.

I ask you NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell- which is more offensive? Martha on the pole or OchoCinco?

May God help us all.

Apparently Brett Favre is a big American Idol fan. I don’t watch the Idol but I understand this song has become a viral sensation. Here’s Brett’s version:

…and here’s the original:

…and finally, if you didn’t see Favre’s performance this weekend, you missed one for the ages, including this sick 47-yard touchdown pass. A dime to Sidney Rice in the face of heavy pressure. The old man still has it.

You’re welcome.

Ohio State - 70
Purdue - 66

How’s that taste Boilermakers? Consider Tuesday night a little payback for the football win this season.

Down by 13 and with a little over 7 minutes to go, unranked and reeling Ohio State went into West Lafayette and knocked off one-loss and 6th-ranked Purdue.

The Buckeyes were led by all-everything Evan Turner and his 32 points. If there’s a more valuable player in college basketball than Turner, I don’t know who it is; maybe John Wall at Kentucky.

And the Buckeyes got the win despite lanky white figurine Robbie Hummel nailing 8 first half 3-pointers for Purdue. The eight 3-pointers was a Purdue record, not for a half but for an entire game.

The win doesn’t really equal the damage inflicted from the Purdue football team, but it certainly helps heal the wound. Boilermaker fans- suck on that.

You’re welcome.

From SNL this weekend, here’s a little racial sensitivity training with Charles Barkley. Enjoy:

Houston Yates 170, Houston Lee 35

That was the score for a high school basketball game in Texas. I wouldn’t expect a state like Texas to have a mercy rule for high school basketball but a 135-point win doesn’t belong in high school basketball. It was 100-12 at the half. Blame it on scheduling, blame it on this coach, either way, it doesn’t belong.

I love my Bucks

I’m looking forward to re-watching the Rose Bowl to break down what went down in Pasadena (unlike the last few bowl games), but the bottom line is that Ohio State made the plays when they needed to and Oregon didn’t.

Three stunners stay with me as I sit awash in the post-Rose-Bowl-glow.

First and foremost was how Ohio State came out passing. 37 passing attempts is not something I thought would have been anywhere near the realm of possibility. In my mind, the gameplan was very obvious- ball control run game on offense eventually wearing down a smaller defense and bend but don’t break keep-it-in-front-of-you defense. Maybe the obvious nature of the offensive opportunity was the point and why Jim Tressel and his staff remain smarter than I am, at least when it comes to football.

The gameplan is one thing, but Pryor’s execution of the gameplan was tremendous. He still underthrows some balls but his pocket presence showed marked improvement, particularly his feel for when to run and when to throw. He’s just scratching the surface and assuming his progression takes a linear path, big things are in store for 2010 and 2011.

The second stunner was Ohio State’s special teams. Ohio State’s kick coverage and kick return game was horrible, borderline game changing and not in a good way.

Oregon started six of their ten drives from their own 38 yard line or better. Ohio State started seven of their eleven drives at their own 20 yard line or worse.

Those are stunning statistics when you consider that Ohio State held Oregon to only 17 points. If you told me before the game that Oregon would spend most of the game in Ohio State territory and the Buckeyes would still win, I’d have called you a liar and returned the Christmas gift I bought for you.

And speaking of the defense, the third stunner is the Ohio State D. Not only did Ohio State not allow a single 100-yard rusher for yet another game, but the defense shut down Masoli’s ability to pass and contributed to the Rose Bowl record 42-to-18 minute time of possession advantage.

You can certainly argue that had LaMichael James been able to play the entire game (he missed part in the locker room for x-rays) he might have been able to go over 100 yards, but he didn’t. He finished with 70 yards on 15 carries for a solid 4.0 ypc average.

Jim Heacock is long overdue to be mentioned by college football analysts along with the best defensive minds in the business. The personnel they recruit, the scheme, and the execution puts the Ohio State defense in the top 10 every year.

By the same token, Luke Fickel deserves similar recognition. He’s obviously got coaching chops and having spent several years now getting Tresselized and listening to Fickel in interviews, he’s due for some head coaching opportunities. It will hurt to lose him but he deserves whatever he ends up getting.

The rest of the Rose Bowl is all upside for the Buckeyes- stopping the bowl game losing streak, finding an offensive identity, improving the national perception of the Big Ten, building momentum for next year, and on and on.

Time will tell how good the ‘10 Buckeyes will be, the return of Gibson and Heyward would be a huge lift, but this is clearly a pre-season top five team next year with Miami, Michigan and Penn State at home and only road games at Wisconsin and Iowa as tough tests.

More to follow.

I hope your day yesterday was better than this dude’s:

I love that the dude in the black jersey is writhing on the ground like he’s injured. I’m sure his shin is reeeeeeeeal hurt from slamming into some dude’s junk. Pansies.

The bowl season starts to get more interesting today with Pitt -v- North Carolina and Boston College -v- USC. I’m interested to see who wins the battle between Pitt’s offense and UNC’s defense. I’m also interested on a scale of 1 to 10 where will USC’s apathy come in at, I’m going with a 6.5 or something. Whatever. I really don’t care.

I’ll have full game previews of the games that matter in the next day or two.

You’re welcome.

In case you need to pick up a last minute gift, here’s a great idea from Jimmy Kimmel (HT to RLong). Merry Christmas to you and yours from the Red Renee global empire.

You’re welcome.

Inappropriate to laugh while describing a gruesome murder? Sure. But looking at the picture of the perp in this one certainly explains why this chick couldn’t hold it together:

With the dead time between the end of the college football regular season and meaningful bowl games, I thought it might be an interesting exercise to look at Buckeyes in the NFL by position.

The data comes from ESPN and I made one change to it. Because the Jets play a 3-4 defense, Vernon Gholston is technically listed as a linebacker but I changed him back to a Defensive End. Though, if you asked Jet fans, he probably should be listed as on the “unable to perform” list.

Ohio State has 7 players at each of three different positions on active NFL rosters- Linebacker, Cornerback and Wide Receiver. With four players at Safety also, you could argue Ohio State has become Secondary U (insert Michigan joke here).

A bit surprising and at the same time not, is that Troy Smith is the only Ohio State Quarterback on an active NFL roster. Other positions with only one Buckeye include Defensive Tackle, Offensive Guard, Offensive Tackle, Kicker, Tight End and sadly, Running Back.

As for Penn State being “Linebacker U”, while that obviously is more of a historical reference for Nittany Lion fans, the present clearly doesn’t support that claim. PSU has four linebackers on active NFL rosters and two of those are Tim Shaw and Cameron Wake, both of whom I had to look up because I had never heard of them.

Here’s the full list of active Buckeye players for your perusal:

You’re welcome.

Not sure where the original for this comes from but H/T to part-time Brad for the find. Hilarious:

An old one from the Onion that I missed. Not timely but damn it’s funny. Enjoy:

Obama’s Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

You’re welcome.

If you’re looking to warm up sometime this week, whether it’s after going out to get the mail or knocking the ice off your car, just think about the warm times when you used your jet ski in your hot tub. Yep, that just happened.

You’re welcome.

That’s what the last second of the Texas-Nebraska Big XII Championship Game was worth to Mack Brown- $2 million. Actually, $2 million times the number of years he coaches at Texas from next year forward, so we’ll put the over/under total value at $8 million. Here’s the play in case you need a refresher:

That play is worth $2 million per year thanks to the University of Texas Board of Regents. That brings Mack’s new salary to $5 mil per year, a staggering number considering that’s equivalent to $10 million in Texas dollars or $50 million pesos depending on where Mack retires.

You can be damn sure the overlords at Notre Dame are none too pleased with the timing of Mack’s contract escalation. That little Christmas present probably cost some Notre Dame booster $4 or $5 million.

CBS actually put this together- Barney Stinson meets Frosty the Snowman. A mashup between “How I Met Your Mother” and Frosty. Don’t let your kids watch this: