As reported by Charlotte TV station WSOC this morning, a Monroe, North Carolina man robbed a convenience store Tuesday night with a pair of red boxer shorts on his head to “conceal his identity”. I guess he was fresh out of ski masks, panty hose, bandanas, and plastic president masks. And I’m wondering how exactly he put on the disguise? Did he cut out two eye holes? Did he wear it like a chef’s hat? Or maybe he just looked out with one eye through the “peepee” opening?

I sure hope the security video ends up on Youtube later today. I might take the bar exam just so I can question this guy on “the events leading up to him putting a pair of red boxer shorts on his head”.

The Sherriff’s office is looking for a man between the ages of 35 and 38 with a gray beard, wearing a green sweatshirt and black pants. I’m no Walker Texas Ranger or anything but I’d start by looking for someone wearing red boxer shorts on their head waving a fist full of cash. That’d probably narrow the list down pretty quickly.

“Bad Hair Day”
*James Barron, 54, of South Avenue, Churchill, waived his right to a preliminary hearing Jan. 29 on charges of simple assault, robbery and retail theft. Penn Hills police arrested Barron Jan. 5, accusing him of stealing $27.82 worth of shampoo from the Dollar General on Frankstown Road and assaulting the store’s manager.

“If Smelling Good is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna’ Be Right”
*Michelle O’Keefe, 26, of Millvale, waived a preliminary hearing before Shaler District Judge Robert Dzvonick on Jan. 17. Charged with burglary, theft and attempted forgery, O’Keefe is accused of stealing cologne, a DVD player, an X-Box and several checks from a neighbor’s apartment on Jan. 12. Louis Lamonde, 22, of Millvale, a codefendant in the case, also waived a preliminary hearing before Dzvonick on Jan. 17. Lamonde is charged with burglary and theft.

“Regular or Decaf?”
*A man came to the police station Friday morning to report an assault he claimed had been committed by a former co-worker at their place of employment on Jan. 29, police said. The victim said he was struck in the face with a large coffee cup, officers said.

“The New Self-Checkout Lane”
*A Bradley County man has been arrested after authorities said he helped himself to 15 cases of soft drinks at BI-LO. Bradley County Sheriff’s deputies were called to the Bi-Lo on Treasury Drive Tuesday night after the store manager reported a possible shoplifter. Upon their arrival officers were told the suspect made several trips in and out of the store without going through the checkout line.

Wilce L. Stennett, 41, of 545 Gaut St., was met by Bradley County Constable Dewayne Hicks and the store manager. Stennett got into a vehicle and attempted to flee, almost running over Hicks and store manager Kathy Davis. Other store employees removed the suspect from the vehicle and he began to struggle with Hicks and Davis, striking both with his fist.

Subsequent investigation by Deputy Tiffany Mull found that 15 cases of soft drinks, valued at $90, had been removed from the store. Stennett was taken to the Bradley County jail, where he was charged with aggravated assault, assault on an officer, reckless endangerment, theft under $500 and resisting arrest.