Worst and Worster

May 4th, 2007 by Red Renee

I love commercials. I love the art of advertising and the ability of marketers to convey opinions and emotions for their products through ads. My favorite are the commercials that stink. It’s hard to make artful, concise, and successful commercials. It’s even harder to come up with concepts, gain approval, and create commercials that have no business seeing the light of day.

There are two sub-categories of bad commercials: the first is those that are just plain awful. Complete bags of crap. These are the commercials that make you (me) want to throw things at the television. The first and best example of this category of commercials are the “Head-on” ads. If you haven’t seen these ads, I’m going to spare you from the rage and object throwing you will experience. If you start to see a commercial where they begin by repeating “Head on” over and over, hit pause on the Tivo and quickly remove anything of value within a 10 foot radius around you including pets. You will then be able to finish watching the commercial.

Two other commercials that should have never been made are beautiful works of irony. The very symptoms that Alka Seltzer and Pepto Bismol treat are the very same responses my body has when watching their commercials. These two pieces of garbage don’t deserve to share the airwaves with any tv program, not even “Saved by the Bell” re-runs or “Big Brother XXXVIICM”. The advertising dollars spent on these two craptacular ads would have been better off getting donated to the IBS foundation.

Alka Seltzer ad:

Pepto Bismol ad:

The second category of bad commercials are those that are so bad, they’re good. These commercials are so magnificent in their badness, I can’t not watch. They make me giddy with wonderment. I wish I was a fly on the wall during the initial sketch sessions and then again when the ads were presented to and approved by the (drunk, allegedly, have to be) executives.

First up is my new favorite infomercial. It’s for a product called “Tater Mitts.” They’re basically rubber gloves with rough, sand paper-like grippies on the palm and fingers. You know it’s going to be good when the commercial starts out “Peeling potatoes can take forever!” From that point on, it’s 100% pure enjoyment. In addition to the fantastic commercial, the makers of “Tater Mitts” get extra points for product naming. Say “Tater Mitts” ten times fast and try to not giggle. It’s impossible.

They should have put a big warning at the end of the commercial though- “Tater Mitts are not to be used for anything other then peelin’ taters or peelin’ friends of taters (f.o.t). You must take Tater Mitts off before handling balloons, going to the bathroom, or delivering any secret fraternity handshake. Thank you. Tater Management.”

In order to watch the commercial, you have to go to their website and click on the video on the front page. It’s worth the surf, I promise. Enjoy!

http://www.tatermitts.com/

The next commercial that’s so bad, it’s good is for a new cell phone called the “Jitterbug.” I couldn’t find a copy of the commercial anywhere on the internets so you’ll just have to keep a look out for it. The phone is part of the growing “Baby Boomer Invasion” in advertising- products devoted to the hordes of baby boomers getting ready to retire. The concept of the phone is pretty simple and good-hearted- a simple, easy to use phone for Seniors. The commercial is so awesome in its use of the Jitterbug theme song and in its portrayal of the Seniors using the phone. In one scene, a 50ish year old daughter is standing next to her parents in their 70’s and they’re all three talking about how great the phone is. The gist of what the daughter says is “finally a phone that’s so easy to use, even my retarded, half-blind parents can use it!” It’s pure Norman Rockwell. Check out the website:

http://www.jitterbug.com/

Finally, my new favorite horrible commercial. It’s another product aimed squarely at baby boomers and their parents. It’s a product called “Hoveround” and it’s basically a tricked out wheelchair. The commercial is an absolute work of art- from the Beach Boys soundtrack “I Get Around” (verrrrry subtle), to the company representative Tom Kruse(owner of the company presumably) who has this bizarre look of hidden rage- his lips are uncomfortably pursed for some reason, to the gangs of seniors practicing covert military maneuvers in their Hoverounds. Whatever mall those Seniors are getting ready to invade, I’m staying the hell away.

On a side note and as a disclaimer- send a dollar to whomever the dude is that posted this video on youtube. The picture quality of the television is vintage late 70’s rabbit ears and there’s a strange periodic squeaking noise. Dude- upgrade to a 15″ black and white tele please.