What does $400,000 buy you?

What it’s supposed to buy you is a cute little sparring partner that you can trade jabs with for a couple of quarters and then when they’re not looking, deliver a quick kick to the balls. Instead, what $400,000 bought Michigan on Saturday was a piece of college football history and likely an acceleration to the conclusion of Lloyd Carr’s tenure at U of M.

Several things have become evident in the aftermath of Michigan’s 34-32 loss to App. State: first and most significantly, to the rhetoric of college football- coaches and journalists alike will have a battle cry for at least ten years to come when trying to describe/hype creampuff matchups. Heck, even Notre Dame can use it as motivation- instead of the “Play Like a Champion Today” sign, they could change it to “Play Like Appalachian State Today”. Still wouldn’t help them but would make for fascinating propaganda on the NBC broadcasts.

Second, and in Michigan’s defense (gulp) is that Appalachian State was the perfect storm- veteran team, back-to-back D-IAA champions, nation’s longest winning streak (14 games), etc., etc. Even still, the way in which Appalachian State came back to win the game after being behind and watching Michigan have two kicks blocked was stunning. More stunning than if a 16 seed were to beat a 1 seed during March Madness.

Third is that the Michigan defense has some serious issues to rectify. It appeared that Ron English had the magic potion last year, but with several key departures, and an apparent lack of motivation, the Michigan defense looked very ACC-like.

Fourth- Appalachian State’s mascot looks like the Davey Jones character from “Pirates of the Caribbean”. I don’t know if that’s the look they’re going for; if so- well done.

Fifth, and stating the obvious- Michigan is standing on the precipice. If Lloyd can pull this team together following that loss, it will be a tremendous feat of Stuart Smalley-ism. If not, be prepared to see Michael Hart crying at a press conference near you. I’m pretty sure the trio of Hart, Jake Long, and Chad Henne weren’t envisioning the inclusion of a loss to a I-AA opponent as part of their “telling their grandkids about coming back for the Senior season to win the National Championship”. Not that it’s medically possible for them all to have grandkids together. And if it were, that’s something I’d care not to see. But for the record, Henne would deliver the children…….late (ba dum bum).

Sixth- I thought it would be impossible to deliver more drama to the OSU-Michigan game than last year’s # 1 vs. # 2 instant classic. Consider it delivered. OSU just became Michigan’s Super Bowl, Stanley Cup, and World Series all in one. If Michigan can right the ship, they’ll look to the OSU game as a way to salvage the dream, regardless of what bowl they go to. If Michigan happens to take a few more losses along the way, the game will become a final battle cry for Lloyd a la 1987 Earle Bruce.

Finally- early season rankings in college football are a joke. Always have been. Always will be. Michigan was # 5 in both the AP and the Coaches’ poll. Two coaches even voted Michigan # 1 on their ballots. Oops. No teams should be ranked until the final week of September. Period. Enough already.

Of all the people putting on the Appalachian State foam fingers, none is waving theirs more vigorously than Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis. App State’s Cinderella story covered up what otherwise would have been the biggest story of the weekend- offensive “genius” Charlie Weis and the Golden Domers getting pasted by Georgia Tech 33-3. Tyrone Willingham has got to be smiling. The statistics are much uglier than the final score- total offense: GT- 381 yards, ND- 121 yards including -9 rushing. Georgia Tech blitzed early and often sacking Notre Dame “quarterbacks” nine times. From here, the schedule gets much worse for Notre Dame- at Penn State, at Michigan, home for Michigan State, at Purdue, at UCLA, and then home for Boston College and USC. 0-8 is a real possibility; 2-6 would be an extreme long shot. Either way, my magic eight ball is saying Notre Dame has several more ass-kickings in their future.

Other news and notes from the first weekend of college football- Oklahoma didn’t need the fear of an underdog to drop 79 points on visiting North Texas. We’re pretty sure Bob Stoops would put his foot to the neck of his own grandmother if she came within four touchdowns. Very classy Bobby.

Also joining the 70-point club was Louisville who put up 73 on Murray State (which I called (actually, I predicted 77)). Congratulations Louisville- you really showed those junior college kids who’s boss.

Can’t wait to see what happens next weekend.

You’re welcome.