We’re going to play a little word game on RedRenee tonight. I’m going to present you with some quotes from an article in the hometown newspaper of a college football team and you get to guess which team deserves such inky bloodshed:

Here’s the title of the article: “Journey starts, and (team) quickly loses its way”

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“Saturday…after those months of rhetoric, after those nonstop pep talks to any Rotary Club or street corner gathering that would listen, (insert name of city/state) had a chance to see a ________-coached football team.”

“The (insert team name) trailed 21-0 at halftime. They left to numerous boos and disgusted shakes of the head.”

“There were also thousands who simply left, figuring no matter what happened after intermission could not make up for the embarrassment of what occurred in the first two quarters…”

“…so let’s stop tossing the hogwash and try some humility. Better yet, why not try some quiet? Yeah, that’s it. Shut up and coach, and maybe your (insert conference name here) athletes will be able to win a home game against a (insert inferior conference name here) opponent next week.”

Who would deserve such a tongue-lashing? Lloyd Carr? Chuck Weis? How about Syracuse coach Greg Robinson- that team sure is painful to watch? All are deserving. But this was reserved for another…

Try first-year and first-time head coach (not counting high school) Tim Brewster at the University of Minnesota. That’s right, Minnesota. Minnesota Star Tribune columnist Patrick Reusse delivered the above verbal bombs following Minnesota’s season opening loss to Bowling Green, 32-31 in overtime.

Never mind that the state of Minnesota and the boosters of U of M football ran former coach Glen Mason and his gleaming white teeth out of town despite raising a bad program from the ashes of suck to at least above average, if not exceptional mediocrity. In Mason’s nine years at Minnesota, he delivered the first eight-win season since 1967 and the first ten-win season since 1905. He also was the first Minnesota coach to deliver a winning season since Murray Warmath in the 60’s.

Minnesota football nation- check yourself. You’re MINNESOTA FOOTBALL. You’re good for boating and fishing. You’re not the cradle of college football.

Why don’t you take a deep breath and give your new coach more than two quarters before you declare the program finished. This is yet another thing wrong with college football- Tim Brewster barely stepped off the bus before he was ambushed by this half-wit. (For the record, I am for the firing of Charlie Weis though. Ha, ha, ha).

Golden Gophers- if you really want a Big Ten title, there’s only one way to bring it home- Craig T. Nelson and Dauber. You know- from the tv show “Coach”. I’m pretty sure they’re available. That would sell season tickets because people would at least know they’re in for some zany laughs.

Nice patience you got there Minnesota. You stink.

Here’s a video of some dude wearing a giant black tablecloth (aka Kansas’ coach Mark Mangino) delivering some…….errrrrr……uhhhhh……coaching. I’m pretty sure Raimond Pendleton isn’t going to be diving into the end zone again any time soon. For the record, Kansas won the game 52-7 over Central Michigan.

I love King’s Hawaiian rolls. They’re good with butter or for use with some killer pork barbecue. They’re rewarding loyal customers like me with an awesome contest. Too bad I’m not going to win.

The winner gets airfare and six days/seven nights of an oceanfront suite at the Hilton Waikoloa Village in Hawaii. And they get to take three guests with them. If you win- I’m one of your guests so replace all of the “You and three guests” sentences on the rules section with “You, Red and two guests”.

You’re welcome.