Ding, dong, the holdout’s dead. Screw you rookie QB and your holdout-encouragin’ posse. (sung to any tune you like)

ESPN is reporting that #1 overall draft pick JaMarcus Russell and the Oakland Raiders have reached tentative agreement on a fat/phat contract. Russell is expected to sign a six-year contract worth a maximum of $68 million, including $31 million or so in guaranteed money. In exchange for the guaranteed money, Raiders fan get a guarantee that Russell won’t be a factor for the Raiders anytime soon (since he missed all of training camp and game one of the regular season) and Raider fan also gets a guarantee that the Raiders will suck for the foreseeable future.

According to the report, both sides were to be working “very late into the night and possibly into Tuesday morning” in order to iron out the final terms of the contract. They better be working “late into the night”. Everyone involved on both sides of this deal is filthy rich, either because of it or because they were born that way. I frequently work “late into the night” and probably won’t see 9% of $68 million my entire life.

Meanwhile, Jamarcus still hasn’t played a single down in the league and we don’t yet know whether his tangibles, intangibles, and SEC-ness will translate into boom or bust. One thing’s for sure- he’s rich now.

Here are five suggestions to make Saturday’s Notre Dame vs. Michigan game more interesting and more marketable:

1. Bring back Appalachian State and put together a Michigan/Notre Dame “all-star” team to take on the Mountaineers. Boffo in the Big House II. Trademarked.

2. Let the flutes fight. Everybody knows that there has been a long-standing feud between the flutes in the Michigan band and the flutes in the Notre Dame band. Alright, maybe I made that up. Let’s just assume it’s true. Dedicate the half time or hell, dedicate the 2nd quarter to a steel-cage match between flautists from both universities. That is how you sell tickets my friends. Print it.

3. All freshmen. That’s right- true and redshirt. It looks like Henne’s out so it will already be frosh against frosh at the quarterback position. That will give the game even more of an authentic “JV” feel than it already has.

4. WeisCarr Wrestling. Come on. You know you want to see that. Lloyd Carr and Charlie Weis wrestling. Chuck’s got an obvious weight advantage but Carr is scrappy and has a meaner scowl.

5. Create a matchup trophy. They’re popular for lots of other “rivalry games”. For the inaugural event, we’ll call it the “Employment” trophy. Whichever staff wins the game gets to keep their job; losers are off to the WAC.

You’re welcome.