We’ve had a slight change of plans at Red Renee World Headquarters. A spot opened up at a friends’ timeshare in Disney this week so we’re loading up the family truckster and heading to Orlando. That means the liveblog for the Georgia-Hawaii game is still on but will be done remotely using satellites, my Blackberry, and some duct tape. The liveblog we had previously announced for the Orange Bowl is out unfortunately, we’ll make it up to you though during the Super Bowl.

Management

More upcoming games…

The Sun Bowl (aka the “Sun Bowl”)
Oregon vs. South Florida / El Paso / December 31st, 2:00pm / CBS

Two more cases of fallen glory on display in this game. South Florida was on top of the Big East and talking National Championship until they lost three games in a row. Oregon was looking for the same when Dennis Dixon got injured and the Ducks ripped off three losses in a row. I’m going with the South Florida Bulls in this one- I think the injuries Oregon sustained throughout the season are still too much to get past.

The Suspension Bowl, Part II (aka the “Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl”)
Florida State vs. Kentucky / Nashville / December 31st, 4:00pm / ESPN

I’ve already detailed this one in depth- Florida State is playing their JV squad, and let’s be honest, their Varsity squad was JV by most standards to start with. Kentucky will continue to ride Andre Woodson and his NFL-arm to a win over the beaten Seminoles.

The Manly Bowl (aka the “Insight Bowl”)
Oklahoma State vs. Indiana / Tempe / December 31st, 5:30pm / NFL Network

In case you didn’t know, Oklahoma State’s Head Coach Mike Gundy is a man. He reminded us of that during the season while lambasting a reporter. On the other side of the class spectrum, Indiana will be playing in memory of another man- former Head Coach Terry Hoeppner. Oklahoma State is favored in this by 4.5 by I like Indiana to pull out an emotional win for their fallen leader.

The Chick Fil-A and Peaches Bowl (aka the “Chick-Fil-A Bowl”)
Clemson vs. Auburn / Atlanta / December 31st, 7:30pm / ESPN

This used to the be the Peach Bowl, but I like Chick-Fil-A way too much to rename them out of the title sponsorship. And I also like peaches. Plus, I’ve got to make dinner for ten people in about an hour so I really need to wrap this up. This should (emphasis on should) be one hell of a game. The line is Clemson by 2.5 so it’s basically a pick ‘em. The battle to watch will be the Clemson offense vs. the Auburn defense- both squads respectable. It’s always memorable when the Tuberville’s and the Bowden’s get together to break bread, and hopefully this one won’t be any different.

To be continued…

Apparently I missed Alabama’s 6-point win over Colorado yesterday- Buffs and Bama-lama-ding-dongs, please forgive me. Congratulations to Nick Saban on finishing a splendidly mediocre season and getting paid $4 million to do so. You are worth every dollar you swindled Alabama out of.

I’m pressed for time today so, recapping previous action…

Wake Forest won the Demon Huskie Bowl by 14. Mississippi State won the Barry Sanders Bowl by 7 over UCF and Barry Sanders’ record was not broken. And Penn State won the Alamo Bowl by 7 covering the spread and leaving a sobbing Jorvorskie Lane. Even in Coach Fran’s departure, the Aggies still didn’t use Jorvorskie Lane properly, and he was visibly upset on the sideline. Way to go making a 270 pound running back cry- punks.

On to the next round of games…

The Fallen Bear Bowl (aka the “Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl”)
California vs. Air Force / Fort Worth / December 31st, 12:30pm / ESPN

Ahhh….mid-October. I remember it vividly. So much promise, so much talent, a # 2 ranking. That was the Cal Bears. And then they proceeded to rip off six losses in their last seven games. Cal plays Air Force today in a game that Air Force has no business really being competitive in. Cal has talent advantages at every position, but talent doesn’t always matter in college football. Air Force has losses to BYU (by 25), Navy (by 11) and New Mexico (by 3), all bowl teams, but none with the talent that Cal has. No matter, Air Force will keep the game close and probably will win.

The Blue Turf Bowl (aka the “Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl”)
Georgia Tech vs. Fresno State / Boise / December 31st, 2:00pm / ESPN2

This game would be memorably unmemorable if it not for the blue turf. And when you see it blinding all your house guests this afternoon, you’ll say “Hey, that’s the Blue Turf Bowl that Red told me about”. On a more serious note, I don’t know what “Roady’s” is. I suppose that’s why they’re sponsoring this magnificence- so I can learn about them via carefully placed television commercials and field logos. I bet it’ll work too.

To be continued…

This edition of mythbusting will be short and sweet. One of the frequently repeated stats when discussing the National Championship is that Ohio State is 0-8 historically against the SEC in bowl games. That might be a useful piece of information if the National Championship game were to be played by the best players in Ohio State history vs. the best players in SEC history. Obviously, that’s not the case.

We find this kind of random, one-sided reporting at a minimum lazy, but mostly irresponsible. Historical records are just that- history. Different players, different coaches, different eras.

If you find Ohio State’s 0-8 record vs. the SEC particularly relevant than consider this: overall including bowl games, Ohio State is 7-9-2 against the SEC. Hardly convincing. Also consider this- in games against teams ranked # 1, LSU is 1-7-1. That’s right- one win, seven losses, and one tie.

So the next time you hear somebody spouting off the 0-8 stat, set ‘em straight.

You’re welcome.

ESPN has something called the “Bowl Challenge” where they award a title to whichever conference finishes with the best bowl record. Considering that bowl matchups are rarely even with bizarre tie-ins and lots of coaching fluctuation, we think this is a little too simple of a way to determine which conference had the best bowl season. Instead, we’ve come up with a points system that much more accurately assesses how each conference performs.

Rather than just look at wins and losses, we’re using the vegas line to draw a finer point. It goes a lil’ something like this:

* Lose as the favorite or lose and not cover the spread - 0 points
* Lose but cover the spread - 1 point
* Win but don’t cover the spread - 2 points
* Win and cover the spread - 3 points

Once we’ve tallied the above points, we’re going to divide each conferences point total by the total number of games they played in. The highest final score wins the challenge. We’ll report back with the final standings and provide a comparison to the ESPN figures as well.

You’re welcome.

Recapping previous action…

Purdue won the I Went to Detroit and All I Got Was This Bowl Bowl with a field goal as time expired. On the arm of Curtis Painter and his 546 yards passing, Purdue mounted 21-point leads three different times in the game. Central Michigan rallied in the 3rd quarter with 28 points but Chris Summers hit a 40-yard field goal as time expired to win the game for the Boilermakers. Central Michigan performed admirably, especially considering the distractions of their 1st year head coach Butch Jones interviewing for the vacated West Virginia job.

Texas won the Holiday Bowl in dominating fashion, despite the efforts of Mack Brown’s stepson:

Boston College held off Michigan State to win the Suspension Bowl, Part I by a final of 24-21. The game was a battle of two delightfully flawed teams- Boston College who couldn’t scrape together any semblance of a running game all season long, and Michigan State, who despite only committing 13 turnovers all season long, managed to give the ball up 5 times to BC. MSU outgained Boston College, and also managed 171 yards rushing against the nation’s # 1 rush defense. The Spartans also covered the spread in the loss, but moral victories don’t get any press in East Lansing anymore.

A team from Texas won the Inbred Bowl- eggggsselent. Just as they planned it. TCU won by 7- yippee.

Oregon State held off Maryland in The Hey! That’s the Name of our Nuts Bowl on a chilly night in San Francisco. Maryland got gashed for 275 rushing, including 177 to Yvenson Bernard. The Orange Bowl birth six years ago for Friedgen and the Terps is looking pretty distant with losing seasons in three of the last four years now.

On to the next round of games…

The Demon Huskie Bowl (aka the “Meineke Car Care Bowl”)
Uconn vs. Wake Forest / Charlotte / December 29th, 1pm / ESPN

The line is Wake by 2.5 here so expect a close game. Uconn is the Big East version of the little engine that…couldn’t. We’ll call them “Uconn’t” (trademarked). Wake Forest won the ACC BCS bid last year (and then lost to Louisville). I like Uconn and that East Coast speed to win. If Wake wins though, I like them too.

The Barry Sanders Bowl (aka the “AutoZone Liberty Bowl”)
Central Florida vs. Mississippi State / Memphis / December 29th, 4:30pm / ESPN

The main story line here is Central Florida’s Kevin Smith and his chase of Barry Sanders’ single season rushing record. Smith needs 181 yards to break Sanders record of 1,878 yards set back in 1988. Of course, Smith has had more games to get the record, averaged fewer yards per rush (5.9 vs. Sanders’ 7.64), and averaged fewer yards per game (188 vs. Sanders’ 200), but don’t let that affect your opinion of this game? After all, marketers run sports, not statisticians. What are you, a purist?

Secondary story lines here include the SEC vs. Conference-USA and Sylvester Croom vs. George O’Leary. The Vegas line here is Central Florida by 3.5.

The Alamo Bowl (aka the “Valero Alamo Bowl”)
Penn State vs. Texas A&M / San Antonio / December 29th, 8pm / ESPN

The biggest story here is one of the A&M yell leaders making some comments about JoePa needing a casket, etc. Here’s the video:

Texas A&M officials made an apology and allegedly sent the kid home for the remarks, but in classic Paterno style, JoePa remarked “Some young guy went up there, trying to be funny. Maybe he’s accurate, I don’t know.” Note to bowl organizers: poking fun at Senior Citizens always draws big publicity.

Here’s our interpretation of the pep rally:

And a memo to any Aggies out there (Mark O. I’m talking to you), can someone please explain to me what all the bicep fondling is in the youtube clip above? Seriously, I don’t get it.

To be continued…

Courtesy of The Onion, and in hopes of getting you ready for the 2008 Presidential election, the most important election issue for 2008…

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

You’re welcome.

Two bits for you on a Thursday night. First, sorry we’ve been silent for a little while. We had a few technical glitches with the geo-synchronous orbit of our errrr, one of the crystals was loose on the flux capacitor errrr….well, let’s just say we had some technical difficulties. Anyways, we’re back and large and in charge. We’ll have a Christmas report for you in a few days but as a sneak preview, we got a few new games for the Wii, one of them being “Playground”. One of the Playground games is Dodgeball which is the single greatest video game of all time. All Time.

The second bit is the announcement we promised a couple days ago- mark your calendars for two liveblogging events in the next few days.

# 1: The night cap on New Year’s Day (8:30pm) featuring Hawaii and Georgia will be the first liveblog. We’ll be checking in throughout New Year’s Day with several quick kicks but we’ll be right beside you on the couch double-dipping our chips for Bulldogs -v- Warriors.

# 2 will be on Thursday, January 3rd for Kansas -v- Virginia Tech. That’ll kick off at 8:00pm Eastern and once again- keep your computer by your side, preferably connected to your second big screen tv, and we’ll tell what you’re actually watching while you’re watching it. You can thank us later.

We’d like to bring you a liveblog event for the National Championship, but we’re going to have a couple dozen people over at Red Renee world headquarters and so will be otherwise engaged. Plus, our friends are a little shady and might convince us to post long streams of profanity depending on how the game goes. We’ll obviously have reams of reports the next day and probably the day after that. In fact, because we care about each of you so much, Red’s taking a vacation day on the 8th to bring you post-National Championship game coverage and possibly to repair the hole in my TV, again depending on how the game goes.

You’re welcome.

The entire staff at Red Renee (all three and a half of us) wish you a happy, safe, and Merry Christmas. We’re going to lay low for about 36 hours what with the presents and egg nog and what not. We’ll be back sometime on the 26th with a special announcement about some live-blogging we’re going to do in the next two weeks.

First, catching you up on what’s happened so far…

Fear the Mountain West. Through the first six games, the Mountain West is 3-0 boasting wins over the WAC, the Pac-Ten and Navy. Of course, they were favored in all three games and covered in only one of them, but don’t let that dampen your Mountain West spirit.

Utah won the Cash and Flowers Bowl 35-32, fighting off several runs by Navy on the way to a seventh bowl win in a row.

FAU won the Schnellenbowl in fancy fashion marking the first bowl win for the young FAU football program. Afterwards, FAU Head Coach Howard Schnelleberger said “we have a strong squad. I think we can compete with America.” Uhhh… easy there Pappy. Beating a 7-6 Conference USA team isn’t exactly the type of accomplishment that’s akin to “competing with America”. We do love your spirit though, now go have some frozen yogurt.

The home team (New Mexico) won The Screw it, We’re Naming a Bowl After Ourselves and Playing it Here Bowl, Part I shutting out my pick (Nevada), 23-0. As I suspected, Colin Kaepernick was spectacularly unspectacular going 13-31 for 137 yards with zero touchdowns and zero interceptions. Somebody please remind to use the phrase “you’ve been Kaepernicked” next year.

BYU won the Anybody? Does Anybody Want this Job Bowl by a final score of 17-16 over UCLA. It took a blocked field goal as time expired to preserve the win for BYU, who looked very un-Mountain West-like for much of the game.

East Carolina pulled out a victory with a dramatic last second game-winning field goal in The Naming Rights Are For Sale Bowl. Boise State rallied hard with 14 points in the 4th quarter but couldn’t find any of the magic they used to beat Oklahoma last year. What a difference a year makes- knock off Oklahoma one year, lose to East Carolina the next. The field goal was all ECU could manage in the 4th quarter and all they needed to get the win.

And looking ahead to games coming up on the schedule…

The I Went to Detroit and All I Got Was This Bowl Bowl (aka the “Motor City Bowl”)
Purdue vs. Central Michigan / Detroit / December 26th, 7:30pm / ESPN

The anatomy of a mid-major conference is that your champion gets to play a team tied for 7th in the Big Ten, and in Detroit no less- the very place where the MAC Championship game took place, and the same state where Central Michigan is from. If you can motivate your team for that game- you deserve Coach of the Year honors, I don’t care who you are. Purdue is favored by 8 so that should help the Chippewas find a little extra in the tank. Ahhhhh, Christmastime in Detroit.

The Holiday Bowl (aka the “Pacific Life Holiday Bowl”)
Arizona State vs. Texas / San Diego / December 27th, 8pm / ESPN

Nearly always one of the best bowl games of the year, and the first meaty bowl to really make it feel like the bowl season is upon us. Arizona State comes into the game on the heels of a rivalry win over Arizona and a 20-point ass-kicking at the hands of USC. Texas comes into the game being a Bridesmaid (again) to Oklahoma in the Big XII South and on the heals of an 8-point loss at Texas A&M. Colt McCoy officially hit his Sophomore slump this year throwing 21 touchdowns against 18 interceptions. Not to be outdone, the Longhorn pass defense is ranked 109th in the country giving up an average of 276 yards per game. Texas is favored by 2.5 but if the Pac-10 wants any love from this website, they better win this game.

The Suspension Bowl, Part I (aka the “Champs Sports Bowl”)
Boston College vs. Michigan State / Orlando / December 28th, 5pm / ESPN

According to an AP report this evening, Michigan State is suspending five of its’ players for the bowl game, including Senior Jonal Saint-Dic who leads the team in sacks (10) and is second in tackles for a loss (16). Also suspended is Senior starting linebacker SirDarean Adams, who has 47 tackles on the year. All of this would have been splendid information to know before I made my picks in ESPN’s college Bowl Mania. Thanks a lot Spartie. I like BC to win (now).

The Inbred Bowl (aka the “Texas Bowl”)
TCU vs. Houston / Houston / December 28th, 8pm / NFL Network

No offense to Texans, but this bowl was just too easy to name- two teams from Texas playing in Texas. That’s like taking candy from a baby (a baby Texan no less). Houston is favored by 4, and I have to be honest- I don’t really know why, nor do I care. Neither should you. Unless of course, you live in Texas. In which case- Cowboy up pardner.

The Hey! That’s the Name of our Nuts Bowl (aka the “The Emerald Bowl”)
Maryland vs. Oregon State / San Francisco / December 28th, 8:30pm / ESPN

6-6 ACC team? Check. Third place Pac-10 team? Check. All the nut metaphors you can shake your….fist at? Check. Strap yourselves in for this doozie of a game. Or not, whatever. We don’t really care what you do.

You’re welcome.

Over the next two weeks we’re going to bring you all the BCS Championship breakdown you need and then some. We’re going to give you the ins, the outs, and the curl routes. Tonight we’re bringing you something that isn’t quite a Mythbusting post, but damn near. We thought it would be interesting to look at the Rivals.com player power rankings and compare Ohio State vs. LSU based on where their players are ranked. The data, as always, is revealing.

Once again, despite popular opinion LSU is not the more talented team, at least not according to Rivals.com. In fact, each team placed players in the top 25 at each position grouping. Most notable for LSU is Glenn Dorsey at # 1 for Defensive Line players and Craig Steltz at # 3 for Defensive Backs.

Most notable for Ohio State is James Laurinaitis at # 2 for Linebackers, Kirk Barton at # 3 for Offensive Linemen, Malcolm Jenkins at # 4 for Defensive Backs, and Chris Wells at # 4 for Running Backs.

If fact, as the table above indicates, if you average the player rankings for each team, Ohio State has a better average ranking at # 9 vs. # 13 for LSU. So at the very least, this indicates LSU does not have a significant talent advantage vs. the Buckeyes. And at least according to Rivals.com, Ohio State is actually more talented than LSU.

You’re welcome.

In keeping with our continued quest to disseminate facts instead of reckless opinion, we bring you more data about whether or not the SEC really is better than the rest of college football. If the Pro Bowl represents the best of the NFL (or at least the most popular players), than what better way to get a glimpse at how the conferences have matriculated to the rosters. We broke the Pro Bowl rosters down (including alternates) by player and then categorized by where each player went to school and then by conference. One quick pivot table later and here’s how the rosters break down:

ACC- 15 players
SEC- 13 players
Big Ten- 12 players
Big 12- 10 players
Pac-10- 9 players
Other- 9 players

As you can see above, the ACC, not the SEC leads the way in landing fifteen players. The SEC and Big Ten are a close second and third with other conferences trailing. So once again, the hard data does not at all support the idea that the SEC is and has been the superior conference in college football. None of this matters of course, because people will believe what they’re told, whether or not there’s any truth involved.

You’re welcome.

The end of the year is near and we’re getting nostalgic. To that end, we’re going to begin bringing you the finest in “year in review” coverage. First up is Countdown’s Oddball Extravaganza part I. Enjoy!

If you’re short on vacation time this year and stuck at work, we’ve got a real time-killer for you to help pass the time. Some dude named James Fidler came up with a website that takes any name and translates it into the Brazilian soccer name equivalent. We’ve always got time to kill over at Red Renee headquarters so we went ahead and put together the greatest starting eleven in the history of soccer. We think you’ll agree.

Goalie- Jesisco (Jesus Christ): ain’t nobody getting a ball past the son of God

Sweeper- Snowmisco (Frosty the Snowman): He’s kind of whiny and not very mobile in warm weather, but hey, tis the season.

Left Fullback- Clintardo (Hillary Clinton): On the left (of course), and adept at deflecting anything that comes her way

Center Fullback- Chimo (Chuck Norris): To make up for Frosty at sweeper, we had to put the biggest asskicker on the planet at center full.

Right Fullback- McCaincha (John McCain): On the right side, but constantly out of position in the center

Left Midfielder- Regundo (Regis Philbin): The ultimate playmaker, even made Kathy Lee Gifford look talented

Center Midfield- Jauro (Jack Bauer): America’s greatest weapon right in the center of it all; on work furlough for soccer matches

Right Midfield- Cheneto (Dick Cheney): As far as Cheney knows, soccer is like a hunting trip

Left Forward- Ferrinho (Will Ferrell): His athletic gifts are undeniable and he’d wear something inappropriate which would make him a distraction

Right Forward- Celinildo (Celine Dion): She’s mesmerizing, plus she does that funky hand salute at the end of her songs which would freak the opposing goal keeper out.

Center Forward- Chimo (Chuck Norris): I know- duplicate. You’re so silly. Chuck Norris can play every position. Every other player on this roster is window dressing (except for Jesus). Jesus and Chuck Norris together would win the World Cup every time.

You’re welcome.

Last year about this time we put together some quasi-helpful viewing guides for the bowl games. Not the standard issue analysis mind you, we’re saving that for the bowl games of greater consequence. No, for the appetizer games, we’re taking the liberty of honoring the rich tradition of games like the Papajohns.com bowl by renaming the games to more appropriately reflect the match ups. Of course we welcome your suggestions for the naming rights as well, so feel free to send them to editor@redrenee.com or leave ‘em as comments below.

Without further ado…

Cash and Flowers (aka the “San Diego Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl”)
Utah vs. Navy / San Diego / December 20th, 9pm / ESPN

Of mild interest will be the # 1 WAC defense against the prolific rushing attack of Paul Johnson-less Navy. Utah is favored by 8. Whoopee!

The Schnellenbowl (aka the “R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl”)
Memphis vs. Florida Atlantic / New Orleans / December 21st, 8pm / ESPN2

This game pits two 7-5 teams against each other- one from Conference USA and the other from the Sun Belt. Both teams have compelling stories with Florida Atlantic being a football team for all of six years and Memphis having to deal with the death of one of their players during the season. Memphis had a 2-point loss in their opener to Ole Miss and didn’t see much after that. FAU boasts a win over Minnesota (an accomplishment which is neither unique nor boastable) and quality blowout losses to Oklahoma State, Kentucky, and Florida. The line is FAU by 2.5 so expect a close game and some entertaining quotes from FAU’s Coach Howard Schnellenberger.

The Tell Me You Love Me Bowl (aka the “PapaJohns.com Bowl”)
Cincinnati vs. Southern Miss / Birmingham / December 22nd, 1pm / ESPN2

After 17 years Southern Miss told Coach Jeff Bowers how much they love him by forcing him to resign. Meanwhile, Cincinnati first year head coach Brian Kelly was seemingly prostituting himself for half a dozen jobs all the while holding the Cincy “Board of Important People” hostage to show him the love. Cincinnati Administration said “uncle” rewarding Kelly with a new 5-year contract worth between $1.2 and $1.4 million per year. Bearcat fans need to know that they’re going to get Petrinoed at some point in the near future so enjoy this bowl game. I like the Bearcats to win by at least two touchdowns.

The Screw it, We’re Naming a Bowl After Ourselves and Playing it Here Bowl, Part I (aka the “New Mexico Bowl”)
New Mexico vs. Nevada / Albuquerque / December 22nd, 4:30pm / ESPN

If you’re a loyal Red Renee reader, you know we used this game title last year. That would make us either lazy or traditionalists- you choose. This game marks the appearance of the first 6-6 team of the holiday season (Nevada). Congratulations Nevada- you’re one win away from either a 54% or a 46% winning percentage- nice job! If you’ve watched Nevada at all this year (and I have), you know that watching QB Colin Kaepernick was like watching a screaming person ride a psychotic horse into a burning barn. At times he’s brilliant and other times he’s….well, he’s a scholarship player at Nevada. If you ever laid money on the Wolfpack this season, may God have mercy on your soul. Still, the Nevada offense has got talent and possibilities, it’s the defense that’s the problem ranking 97th in scoring D. The New Mexico offense isn’t that good so I’m going to take Nevada and that crazy horse for a close win.

The Anybody? Does Anybody Want this Job Bowl (aka the “Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl”)
BYU vs. UCLA / Las Vegas / December 22nd, 8:00pm / ESPN

The Mountain West winner vs. the embarrassment of the Pac-Ten, who is without a coach and riddled with injuries. I know what you’re thinking- this is definitely better than a playoff. Yah, me too. Way better. If BYU doesn’t win this game I’m dropping Mitt Romney like a hanging chad.

The Naming Rights Are For Sale Bowl (aka the “Sheraton Hawaii Bowl”)
Boise State vs. East Carolina / Honolulu / December 23rd, 8:00pm / ESPN

Seriously, we couldn’t come up with a name for this bowl. So to the highest bidder, we’ll name this thing whatever you decide. Everything points to a big Boise State win here but truthfully, if I’ve seen East Carolina play this year, I can’t remember. I’m going with the Broncos by 7 or more. P.S.- not a bad gig for Boise State with two trips to Hawaii in the same season. I’d finish second in the WAC for that.

To be continued…

It’s late December and the story still dominating college football is Rich Rodriguez’ move from West Virginia to Michigan. This of course came on the heels of West Virginia’s John Beilein going from West Virginia to coach Michigan’s basketball team. That turned out to be a good thing for West Virginia since they were then able to spring Bob Huggins loose from the joint. And everybody knows Huggy-ball fills seats better than any other kind of ball.

We say to you Michigan- why stop there?

Take West Virginia Swimming and Diving Coach Vic Riggs for example. Sure he’s only been at West Virginia for a few months but the WVU program finished 13-0 last year while the Wolverine swimmers ended 6-5-1. Surely that means Riggs is better than Michigan head man Bob Bowman. Riggs, gather your Speedos, you’re coming to Ann Arbor.

Or how about Men’s Soccer- West Virginia’s Marlon LeBlanc guided the Mountaineers to a 14-6-2 record last year while the Wolverines finished a dismal 10-7-2. On top of that, LeBlanc was named the 2006 Soccer America National Coach of the Year. Marlon- just west of Detroit shall be your destination.

Next is the Rifle team. Head Coach Jon Hammond guided West Virginia to their first winning record last year and has signed the nation’s top rifle recruit Justin Pentz (the Terrelle Pryor of rifling if you will). Michigan doesn’t even have a Rifle team. Hammond- pack up your guns, you’re coming to Michigan.

Finally, there’s Dr. Jim Armstrong, Associate Professor and Coordinator of the Wood Science and Technology Department at West Virginia. Michigan doesn’t have a Wood Sciences Department (unless you count the second floor at the Delta Kappa Epsilon house on Friday and Saturday nights). The West Virginia program is one of only 10 to receive accreditation from the Society of Wood Science and Technology. And as WVU’s website points out in their quote from Frank Lloyd Wright, “we may use wood with intelligence only if we understand wood”. The Philosophy Department at Michigan will consume two semesters pondering that quote. Dr. Armstrong- make a car out of wood because you’re coming to Michigan.

After all that’s done, Michigan will be able to take action and buy West Virginia University for pennies on the dollar. It’s called a hostile takeover people. It’s badass and it’s totally 80’s. How else do you think Michigan got control of the Upper Peninsula from Wisconsin? By stealing what is rightfully theirs- that’s how. Just do it.

You’re welcome.

There’s just too much bizarre news today not to bring it to you. First, Pete Rose says baseball players who use steroids or other performance-enhancing drugs are “making a mockery” of baseball. I’ll let all you baseball purists sort that one out while I laugh in your general direction.

Florida State could be without as many as 25 players for their bowl game against Kentucky because of a cheating scandal involving an online course. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in college but I’m guessing if any college football players at any university are able to take courses online, at least 10% of them are cheating. Congratulations to Florida State for perfecting it though. And congratulations to Kentucky for scoring the first win of the bowl season for the SEC. Damn that SEC is good!

Rivals.com is reporting that, on top of being completely inept, the officiating crew that called the Illinois upset over Ohio State was led by an alleged dirty, rotten scoundrel with some gambling issues. The week before, Joe Tiller filed a complaint about the officiating crew following their “handling” of the Purdue-Penn State game. The complaint allegedly prompted Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delaney to suspend the crew for the final game but some bizarre reason allow them to still officiate the most important game of the Big Ten season between Ohio State and Illinois. There were many horrendous calls in that game, none more offensive than the blown fumble no-call that resulted in Illinois’ first touchdown and ultimately, the difference in the game.

Rich Rodriguez tells West Virginia they can pry the $4 million buyout from his cold, maize and blue hands.

And finally coming full circle on the first steroids article, Baltimore Orioles’ Second Basemen 2nd baseman Brian Roberts said he took steroids once in 2003 but didn’t inhale, Andy Pettitte is getting slammed for his claim he took HGH because he’s a “team player”, and the Rocket denies rocketing steroids into his body.

You’re welcome.

Never let it be said that I don’t give credit where due. According to various published reports, it turns out that Brian Westbrook did not make the decision to take a knee on the one yard line last Sunday all by himself. Reportedly, prior to the play, veteran Offensive Lineman Jon Runyan told Westbrook that if he got to the goal line he should take a knee. And when the play actually occurred you can see Westbrook look back over his shoulder where Runyan was trailing the play (see for yourself below). Westbrook admits that Runyan was yelling at him to take a knee. Therefore, while I still give Westbrook a ton of credit for actually doing what he did, the credit for realizing that this was the right thing to do goes equally to Runyan.
BTW… Runyan is a Michigan grad so I say thanks to former UM President James Johnson Duderstadt (1988-1996) for the stellar education Big Jon received as a Wolverine!

Upon further review of the bowl pairings, two things have become evident. The first is obvious- Notre Dame’s exclusion from the festivities. And rightfully so with a 3-9 record and only an undefeated record in California (UCLA, Stanford) salvaging a horrific mess. That fact alone is significant, resulting in the “Notre Dame bump”, historically allowing Notre Dame to get into a better bowl game than they deserve, to be transferred to another team or teams. That’s not a good thing, especially considering that the bump has been unfriendly to Notre Dame, delivering lopsided losses each of the last five years.

The Notre Dame bump this year was allocated to Illinois by way of their Rose Bowl birth and by extension, to the entire Big Ten. Think that’s an unfair assessment? Consider that the # 2 Big Ten team faces the Pac Ten champ in USC. Or the # 4 Big Ten team in Wisconsin plays the SEC runner-up Tennessee. Or consider that of all the Big Ten teams playing, only Purdue and Penn State are favored to win according to Vegas.

Now consider that if Illinois had been slotted in the Citrus Bowl instead of the Rose Bowl, each of the Big Ten teams would have been bumped back a spot. Illinois would be a much more even match up for Florida than the 10-point dog Michigan is. And Michigan would probably be favored vs. Tennessee whereas Wisconsin is a 3-point dog. And I guarantee you Wisconsin would be favored against Oklahoma State rather than the 4-point dog Indiana is. And on and on…

And cruelest of all is where most of the Big Ten bowl games are taking place. Ohio State plays LSU in Louisiana. Illinois plays USC in California. Michigan plays Florida in Florida. Penn State plays Texas A&M in Texas. And for good measure, Purdue plays Central Michigan in Michigan (Detroit actually which technically isn’t home to anyone).

I’m not trying to drum up sympathy for the Big Ten; far from it. I’m just trying to inject some reality into the farce that continues to be the BCS and the Bowl alliances, and to implicate Notre Dame when the Big Ten falters down the stretch and the national media starts chanting about how bad the Big Ten is. You won’t be chanting though. I know you won’t. Because you’re too smart for that, and because I just told you Notre Dame is to blame.

You’re welcome.

West Virginia nation is in full panic/hate mode with the departure of Rich Rodriguez to Michigan. And why wouldn’t they be? After flirting with the national title birth this year, they had a talented team expected to return largely intact next year, and the Big East theirs for the taking once again. Let’s just say West Virginia’s hopes and dreams is the dog in this video and Michigan is the dude on the sled. Notice also that both get up with a limp.

And what exactly is going to take place at Michigan? Lloyd Carr is going to coach the Wolverines in the bowl game for his swan song and yet somehow, Rich Rodriguez is also going to be roaming the halls. We pose the following questions which hopefully smarter people than us can answer:

1.) Does it violate NCAA rules to have two Head Coaches coaching on the sideline at the same time? I mean, it works in the NFL (Dallas a la Jerry Jones) but is it legal in college? If it is allowed by the rules, do they each get their own sidekick to hold their headset or do they have to share? Do they wear matching pullovers or does one go maize while the other goes blue? The possibilities here are endless.

2.) Do Michigan’s chances of beating Florida in the Citrus Bowl improve if they have two Head Coaches? (answer: the odds can’t get much worse)

3.) Can Rich Rodriguez talk out of both sides of his mouth, convincing QB Ryan Mallett to “stick around” while at the same time convincing super recruit Tyrelle Pryor that he’ll be the starter right away. Past evidence says yes.

4.) What are the two “anonymous” donors that chipped in for the four mill to pull Rodriguez away getting in return for their donation?

We think the following picture, used by one of the posters on a WVU message board, sums up the feelings of Mountaineer nation:

You’re welcome.

If you already know who Rev. Dobbin is and why I’m thanking him today, go buy yourself an ice cream ’cause you win the prize. The rest of you, read on!

Rev. Dobbin was the President of Villanova University from 1988 to 2006. And it was under his leadership that Villanova produced a man who single handedly propelled me into the finals of my fantasy football league and won a big game for my hometown Iggles… #36 Brian Westbrook.

For those of you who didn’t see it, during yesterday’s Eagles - Cowboys game, the Eagles were holding onto a slim 10-6 lead as the 2-minute warning approached in the fourth quarter. The Cowboys were out of timeouts and desperately needed a stop to have any chance of getting the ball back and looking for some of that Romo magic once again. Instead, Westbrook took a handoff from McNabb on the 25 and broke through the right side. After accelerating through the secondary he had clear sailing all the way to the end zone… and then the Rev. Dobbin education took over.

In the three seconds or so it took Westbrook to reach the goal line he had the smarts to realize that a TD would give the Cowboys the ball back with almost two minutes to play, so what did he do? He took a knee at the one yard line. Brilliant! With no way to stop the clock the Cowboys could only watch helplessly as McNabb took a couple of knees and sealed the Eagles victory. Sweet! And by doing so Westbrook denied my fantasy opponent the six additional points she needed to beat me in our semifinal game. Double Sweet!

As I watched him make that run I was simultaneously jumping for joy for my Iggles and dying inside for my fantasy team. And with that one decision Westbrook saved both of my seasons. Wow.

So once again, thank you Rev. Dobbin! Now if you could just do something to shut down LT, I may actually have a chance in the finals. Pray for me.

If you’re a male over the age of 18, you’ve probably got some last minute shopping to do. Fortunately, Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake have you covered. This video is timeless whether you’re an SNL fan or not. Ratings: SFW (Safe for work) not SFMIL (Safe for Mother-in-Law). In case the embedded video below busts, here’s the original at NBC.com.

You’re welcome.

I’m angry. Burning red with anger today. So angry I can’t even see straight.

Today, my anger is focused squarely on Senator John Kerry. The Mitchell investigation and continued governmental inquiry into baseball is only a minor annoyance to me since I don’t care for baseball much. But what is Senator Kerry sticking his nose into now? The NFL Network and the fact that the Patriots-Giants game at the end of the season will be broadcast exclusively on the NFL Network.

The reason this is significant is that the Patriots will likely still be undefeated at that point, with a chance to make history by beating the Giants and becoming the second team to go through the regular season undefeated. Do I want every red-blooded American to be able to see that potentially historic game? Of course I do. Do I think it’s every red-blooded American’s right to have the NFL Network? No. Nor is it the role of any governmental official to step into a dispute between a cable network (Time Warner) and a cable channel.

We’ve become such an instant gratification entitlement society that most observers wouldn’t even blink upon hearing Kerry’s comments. And that’s part of the problem.

It’s nobody’s God-given right to get to watch their team every Sunday. The NFL Network risked hundreds of millions of dollars in starting a network from scratch for this very type of opportunity. It’s called capitalism and you better believe I’m not going sit by quietly while some Socialist Senator from Massachusetts tries to interfere. If the Patriots get to the point where they’re playing for 16-0, It will create a significant capital opportunity for the NFL Network, for which they’ve risked much to create that opportunity.

How did we become so soft as a society that we think we deserve everything we want in life.

Don’t get the NFL Network? Go to a sports bar. Don’t want to go to a sports bar? Get Directv (gasp!). Too lazy to switch from cable to Directv? Quit your complaining then.

Thank goodness ESPN’s Dana Jacobsen asked Kerry toward the end …..uhhhhh….don’t you have like more important things to worry about, like the war, the economy, global climate change, etc.? Kerry’s response “of course we do”.

BTW- according www.coopamerica.org, between 1989 and May of 2006, Time Warner made a total of roughly $16 million in campaign contributions, of which nearly $3 million went out during the 2004 election cycle. And of that money, 76% went to Democrats. Shocking. More to the point, according to another website, TimeWarner ranks as the fourth largest contributor to Senator Kerry’s war chest, donating almost $300,000. Again, shocking.

Senator Kerry- Piss off.

Just in time for your holiday party needs, and courtesy of SNL. This video is NSFW (not safe for work) and NSFMIL (not safe for mother-in-law). I’m in awe that the cast members and Alec Baldwin didn’t even break a smile during this bit. To get the best effect, you’ve got to close your eyes and pretend you’re actually listening to NPR. Enjoy.

In part one of our statistical breakdown for the National Championship we compared the 2006 Florida Gators vs. the 2007 LSU Tigers. In part deux, we’re going to break down the 2006 Buckeyes vs. the 2007 vintage. Most people assume that last year’s Ohio State team was better than this year’s, and why not with eight players drafted into the NFL including two first-rounders and the Heisman Trophy winner. But a closer look at the numbers provide a different story:

In scoring offense, the 2006 Buckeyes were more productive than this year’s to the tune of 3 points (35 ppg vs. 32 ppg). However, the ‘07 OSU team actually has a higher total yards per game average (397 vs. 385). I think this is mostly due to the fact that the ‘06 defense produced more turnovers, thus shorter fields yielding fewer yards to gain on offense and more points.

It’s interesting to note that QB completion percentage is identical (65%) from last year to this year, though Troy Smith averaged more passing yards than Boeckman has. On the flip side, the ground game has been much more productive this year (201 ypg vs. 170 ypg).

Regarding quality of offensive line play, the ‘07 Buckeyes get the edge, just slightly. The ‘06 Buckeyes gave up 19 sacks but 6 of those came in the National Championship game, so they had 13 allowed coming in to the NC. The 2007 Buckeyes have also only given up 13 sacks heading into the National Championship game. I give the edge slightly to 2007 because Todd Boeckman is a lot less mobile than Troy Smith was, thus less escapability.

Even the thought of the 2007 offense being similar to the 2006 version is remarkable when you consider that six of Ohio State’s eight players drafted last year were on the offensive side of the ball.

Edge: Push

Defensively, the 2007 team is superior in every major statistical category- Scoring defense- 10.7 points per game vs. 12.8; Sacks- 42 vs. 38; Tackles for a loss- 100 vs. 93; rushing defense- 77 ypg allowed vs. 98; pass defense- 148 ypg vs. 182; even pass efficiency defense was better this year- 94 QB ratings vs. 104.

Edge: 2007 Ohio State

Overall, at least statistically, the 2007 Buckeyes are actually better than the team that steam-rolled through the 2006 regular season and then got whitewashed by Florida. Good news for this year’s Buckeye fans who still have nightmares of the Florida pass rush last year. And now you can confidently respond to anyone who says that OSU was a better team last year than they are this year.

You’re welcome.