The next in a line of above average Ad spots, FedEx’s office spoofs, the latest for this year’s Super Bowl. Enjoy:

And here’s the original:

Here’s one reality show they’ve thankfully never put on tv. Regardless of where you’re laying your bets, in Car -v- Train, train always wins. Always.

We’re pleased as punch to announce that we’ll be liveblogging during the Super Bowl. That means not only will we tell you what you’re watching while you’re watching it, we’ll also be breaking down the commercials in real-time. Typical suckers would pay $19.95 or more for that kind of mind-numbing entertainment, but we’re bringing it to you absolutely free.

So hook your laptop up to your second plasma tv and keep us going live alongside the Fox broadcast. We’ll be up live sometime around 6pm Eastern on Sunday so check us out.

Somebody Broke into Charlton Heston’s Car…
Dateline: Dallas, Texas
8:13 a.m. Nov. 13: A burglar took firearms valued at $9,917 from a vehicle…

Only in Texas can someone carry around $10,000 worth of guns in their car, have them stolen, and not think twice about admitting to the police that they’re driving around with a small arsenal…

Not Getting the Message
Dateline: Appleton, Wisconsin
Harassment- An employee of a business in the 100 block of E. Washington Street called police after receiving a letter at work that said she “talks too much and should shut her mouth.”…

The author of that letter was obviously right and the recipient of the letter clearly didn’t take the advice.

Translation Please
Dateline: Kalispell, Montana
7:27 p.m. A Kalispell man called in to complain that his brother drove onto his property and spun cookies all over it…

If anyone is from Montana or has been to Montana, we need a translation. I’ve heard of people spinning out and doing “doughnuts” and I’ve also heard of people “tossing their cookies” but never “spinning cookies”. Your help is much appreciated.

The Loch Ness Monster too…
Dateline: Brooklyn, New York
STOLEN VEHICLE: An $8,000 1994 multi-colored two-door Honda Civic was stolen on Thursday, Nov. 9, around 5:30 a.m. on the 400 block of 10th Street. There was no broken glass at the scene. The police canvassed the area with negative results…

$8,000?? For a ‘94 multi-color two-door Civic? Even if that thing was in excellent condition and had $5,000 worth of rims and stereo equipment, it still wouldn’t be worth $8,000. And I love that the police “canvassed the area with negative results”. You think? Maybe they should have been searching for a leprechaun and bigfoot too.

This’ll Teach You to Keep Your Garage Door Closed
Dateline: Tracy, California
4:22 p.m. A person on the 1700 block of Duncan Drive called police reporting that four men walked into a neighbor’s garage and started taking tools. The neighbor caught one of the men who was detained until police arrived where he was arrested on suspicion of burglary and being drunk and disorderly.

At 4:22 on a Saturday, one has to wonder about the sequence of events leading up to four (allegedly) drunken men marching into a neighbor’s garage and walking away with tools. Perhaps a tool-lending incident gone bad? Or a Cal football game gone bad? The possibilities are endless.

Who’s the Criminal?
Dateline: Greenville, South Carolina
See if you can follow the details on this one. The “victim” (we’ll call him Kevin) was sitting in his truck in his driveway, surely minding his own business (and allegedly not paying his bills either). Somehow, without the Kevin knowing, the Repo man and a used car salesman pulled up in a tow truck and hitched the Kevin’s vehicle to the tow truck. The “victim”, excuse me, Kevin, allegedly was afraid so he put the truck into four-wheel drive and drove off.

It gets better.

Kevin headed out on Asheville Highway while the “perps” pursued. Repo man and used car dealer bumped Kevin from behind and forced him off the road into a parking lot where they proceeded to push the victim around and shout that they were law enforcement officer. A witness saw what was going on and called 911. The repo man and the used car dealer were both arrested for impersonating a police officer and the “victim” no doubt continued on his non-bill-paying ways.

You’re welcome.

We don’t have any idea how Bobby D kept a straight face during this, but we’re sure glad he did. This video is probably not SFW.

Enjoy before NBC takes the Youtube link down.

Courtesy of Letterman, the Top Ten Barack Obama Campaign Promises (as was presented by Senator Barack Obama)

10. “To keep the budget balanced, I’ll rent the Situation Room for sweet sixteens”
9. “I will double your tax money at the craps table”
8. “Appoint Mitt Romney Secretary of Lookin’ Good”
7. “If you bring a gator to the White House, I’ll wrassle it”
6. “I’ll put Regis on the nickel”
5. “I’ll rename the tenth month of the year ‘Barack-tober’”
4. “I won’t let Apple release the new and improved iPod the day after you bought the previous model”
3. “I’ll find money in the budget to buy Letterman a decent hairpiece”
2. “Pronounce the word nuclear, nuclear”
1. “Three words: Vice President Oprah”

You’re welcome.

We previously posted a handy website to help you decide who to vote for come November. Well in case you still haven’t made up your mind, here’s another. It’s brought to you by the fine people at USA Today so you may feel a little manipulated as you complete the survey, as we did. Still, the answers that we were given were fairly accurate, and we deem it to be a moderately useful tool (just like the Red Renee staff- moderately useful tools).

You’re welcome.

Fun with teleconferences. Come on, some of you have definitely had this happen before, right?

Mark finished up his stay at Chez Ikea in Paramus, NJ and all the videos are up on his website. Our favorite is this one where Mark allegedly punks Lisa Loeb into putting on a concert for his wife inside the Ikea.

Enjoy.

For all our loyal readers that are also NY Giant fans, here’s proof that you are in fact a team of destiny. From one of our favorite movies “Coming to America”, here’s Eddie Murphy twenty years ago foreshadowing your victory over the Packers:

And here’s a bonus clip (SFW):

It’s never too early to look ahead to the next college football season, so with that in mind, we’re going to bring you reams of analysis on what to expect. In this installment we’re going to scout the teams that finished in the top 25 this year and tell you what to expect next year. The caveat of course is that there is usually at least one team that ends up as a surprise, but we’ll do our best to cover the key angles. The order the teams are listed hencewith is based on their final AP ranking this year (not predictions on where they’ll be next year).

1. LSU
Key Senior losses RT Carnell Stewart, TE Keith Zinger, TE Mit Cole, WR Early Doucet, QB Matt Flynn, RB Jacob Hester, LT Glenn Dorsey, DE Kirston Pittman (assuming he can’t get another year of eligibility), LB Luke Sanders, LB Ali Highsmith, LB Jonathan Zenon, SS Craig Steltz, CB Chevis Jackson, P Patrick Fisher

Key Junior losses None

Do they have a Quarterback? Ryan Perrilloux should step in nicely as the full-time starter. We think he’ll hit some speed bumps along the way, but if the SEC Championship game was any indication, the QB position is in good hands.

Recruiting? Ranked # 6 right now (according to Scout.com)

How does the schedule line up? Pretty favorably- no key out-of-conference matchups, Georgia and Alabama at home, road games at Florida and Auburn.

Are they a contender? Always. The holes on defense are going to be awfully hard to replace, not to mention the loss of D-Coordinator Bo Pelini. Both the Auburn and Florida games are in the first half of the season which may prove to be trouble for such a young defense. Still, the SEC West should be theirs again for the taking which could mean a potential re-match with Florida or the matchup with Tennessee that never materialized this year.

2. Georgia
Key Senior losses SE Sean Bailey, C Fernando Velasco, RT Chester Adams, TB Thomas Brown, TB Kregg Lumpkin, DE Marcus Howard, SS Kelin Johnson, PK Brandon Coutu, PR Mikey Henderson, PR Thomas Flowers

Key Junior losses None

Do they have a Quarterback? Sure do. Matthew Stafford returns for his Junior season after an improved Sophomore year.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 3

How does the schedule line up? Rough. A non-conference road game at Arizona State plus a stretch of four road games in a row to close out conference play (at LSU, at Florida, at Kentucky, at Auburn). At least the Bulldogs get Tennessee in Athens…

Are they a contender? Remains to be seen. Bulldog nation sure thinks so. Most of the key contributors return but Georgia has a brutal schedule. It also will be interesting to see if Georgia can come up with big wins when they’re the hunted all season long. It’s easier to play the role of the underdog as they did in 2007 in a conference as tough as the SEC. The bulls eye is going to squarely planted on Georgia’s back as they’ll be pre-season top-5 for sure.

3. USC
Key Senior losses LT Sam Baker, C Matt Spanos, RT Drew Radovich, TE Fred Davis, QB John David Booty, TB Chauncey Washington, SNP Will Collins, DE Lawrence Jackson, NT Sedrick Ellis, LB Keith Rivers, CB Terrell Thomas

Key Junior losses OG Chili Rachal

Do they have a Quarterback? Sort of. It appears that the job is mark Sanchez’ to lose. Waiting in the wings is Arkansas traitor Mitch Mustain.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 19

How does the schedule line up? Pretty tough. USC opens the season at Virginia and then will have two weeks to get ready for the OSU Buckeyes to come to town. That will be one of the biggest early season match-ups in the last five years. The conference schedule lines up nicely with the road games being at Oregon State, Washington State, UCLA, Arizona, and of course the rematch with Stanford. Oh, and Notre Dame comes to town in the second to last game of the season.

Are they a contender? Always. The Trojans don’t rebuild, and they don’t reload either. They just keep shooting- the chamber never empties. Never. They’re going to have to rebuild the offensive line and get consistency quickly at the QB position.

4. Missouri
Key Senior losses WR William Franklin, LT Tyler Luellen, C Adam Spieker, TE Martin Rucker, TB Tony Temple, WR Jason Ray, NG Lorenzo Williams, CB Darnell Terrell, CB Paul Simpson

Key Junior losses None

Do they have a Quarterback? Sure do. 4th place Heisman vote getter Chase Daniel returns to command the offense again.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 25

How does the schedule line up? Nicely. The non-conference opener against Illinois will be a huge challenge, but the rest of the slate is a walk in the park. The Big XII North is theirs for the taking if they can beat Kansas again at the end of the season. The only other challenge is the matchup at Texas on October 18th, and of course the Big XII Championship game.

Are they a contender? Doubtful. Assuming they can get past Illinois and Texas, they’ll likely have Oklahoma again in the Big XII Championship and that’ll be a tall order. It’s probably too much to expect a one-loss and a two-loss team to end up in the BCS Championship game again next year.

5. Ohio State
Key Senior losses RT Kirk Barton, FB Dionte Johnson, LB Larry Grant

Key Junior losses DE Vernon Gholston

Do they have a Quarterback? Sort of. Starter Todd Boeckman returns for his Senior season after mixed results in 2007. He finished the season with only two touchdowns against six interceptions and has to be better next year to be successful. Waiting in the wings is Antonio Henton, provided he stays out of trouble. Tressel is loyal almost to a fault so he’ll give the sixth-year Senior Boeckman loads of latitude to keep the starting job, but if he has a real meltdown early on, expect to see Henton.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 12

How does the schedule line up? Mixed bag. The third game of the season is in LA against USC which will be a titanic matchup. They’ve also got to go on the road against Wisconsin, Michigan State, and Illinois. Michigan has to come to Columbus.

Are they a contender? Following the blowout loss to Florida in the championship game two years ago, most people would have assessed 2008 as the possible repeat trip, not 2007. Nearly everyone is back for the Buckeyes including five of the six Juniors that would have been drafted into the NFL had they declared early. The loss of Vernon Gholston at end will create a big void but Lawrence Wilson coming back from injury should handle the assignment as well or better. As the 2007 season hinged, 2008 will depend upon Quarterback play: solid play should put them in the thick of it when Michigan comes to town in November.

6. West Virginia
Key Senior losses DL Keilen Dykes, LB Bobby Hathaway, DB Antonio Lewis, LB Marc Magro, DB Ridwan Malik, DB Ryan Mundy, RB Owen Schmitt, DB Eric Turner, DB Eric Wicks, DB Larry Williams

Key Junior losses RB Steve Slaton, WR Darius Reynaud, DE Johnny Dingle

Do they have a Quarterback? Sure do. Pat White returns to an offense that returns mostly intact, well, mostly.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 61

How does the schedule line up? Mixed bag. Auburn comes to Morgantown and an away game at Colorado highlight the non-conference. If they can split those games, that should set them up nicely for the Big East schedule which is pretty easy- Rutgers, South Florida, and Cincinnati all at home, Uconn on the road.

Are they a contender? Anything is possible in the Big East. They obviously have to replace Rich Rodriguez and the loss of Steve Slaton is key. Pat White proved down the stretch he’s neither durable enough nor reliable enough of a thrower to be the entire offense. Noel Devine will fill in nicely as Slaton’s replacement but Devine doesn’t have the size to carry the entire load, and with Owen Schmitt gone also, another running back is going to need to step up. Oh yeah, they need to rebuild a lot of the defense too.

7. Kansas
Key Senior losses RT Cesar Rodriguez, TE Derek Fine, WR Marcus Henry, RB Brandon McAnderson, DT James McClinton, K Scott Webb, P Kyle Tucker,

Key Junior losses CB Aquib Talib, OT Anthony Collins

Do they have a Quarterback? Sure do. Todd Reesing returns for his Junior season after a 21-38 performance against Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 40

How does the schedule line up? A hell of a lot harder than 2007. Non-conference game at South Florida should be fun to watch. The Jayhawks get Texas and Texas Tech at home but have to travel to Oklahoma plus the season finale against Missouri, and the Big XII Championship game should they get that far.

Are they a contender? We don’t think so. Too many key losses (best DB, best RB, special teams) plus Oklahoma and Texas both back on the schedule mean the fighting Manginos will have a hard time getting to the Big XII championship game, let alone the National Championship.

8. Oklahoma
Key Senior losses TE Joe Jon Finley, RB Allen Patrick, DT Steven Coleman, DE Alonzo Dotson, LB Lewis Baker, CB Marcus Walker, SS D.J. Wolfe, K Garrett Hartley,

Key Junior losses WR Malcolm Kelly, LB Curtis Lofton, DB Reggie Smith

Do they have a Quarterback? Sure do. Sam Bradford returns for his Redshirt Sophomore season after a record-breaking Freshman season.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 10

How does the schedule line up? Pretty good. The only non-conference game with a pulse is the home date with Cincinnati. The Sooners get Texas Tech and Kansas at home with no difficult road games to speak of…maybe Oklahoma State or Kansas State. Maybe.

Are they a contender? Absolutely. Bradford is losing several of his weapons but that isn’t usually an issue at Oklahoma. The secondary is going to have to have to gel quickly with Cincinnati coming in the second game and Texas showing up in game six. The Sooners should also be looking to avenge their embarrassing loss to West Virginia.

9. Virginia Tech
Key Senior losses SE Josh Morgan, FL Eddie Royal, FS D.J. Parker

Key Junior losses CB Branden Flowers

Do they have a Quarterback? Uhhhh…sort of. Sean Glennon and Tyrod Taylor both proved to be servicable throughout the 2007 season. Unfortunately, both also played at times like they belong behind center at Florida State. One of them is going to have to do better than the 91.93 QB rating Glennon had in the Orange Bowl or the -2.53 rating Taylor had (I’m not making this up).

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 18

How does the schedule line up? Cake, with a side of pie. The stiffest non-conference test is at Nebraska. When you stop laughing, I’ll continue. The Hokies don’t have to play Clemson (until the ACC Championship game) and get Virginia and Maryland at home. Road games at Miami and Florida State may be mildly interesting.

Are they a contender? Without a doubt. It’s all going to revolve around what kind of QB play they can get. Most of the team is returning, including a very strong defense, and there’s little standing in their way in the ACC with Boston College rebuilding. If they can beat Clemson in the ACC Championship game, this may be the year for the Hokies to get to the NC.

10. Texas
Key Senior losses LB Scott Terry, CB Brandon Foster, C Dallas Griffin, S Marcus Griffin, OT Tony Hills, S Erick Jackson, WR Nate Jones, S Drew Kelson, LB Robert Killebrew, DT Derek Lokey, DT Thomas Marshall, DT Frank Okam, WR Limas Sweed

Key Junior losses RB Jamaal Charles, TE Jermichael Finley

Do they have a Quarterback? Colt is thy name. McCoy is thy clan.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 9

How does the schedule line up? Pretty well. Arkansas comes into town for the non-conference intrigue. Home conference games include Missouri and Oklahoma State. Road games include Kansas and Texas Tech plus the neutral matchup with Oklahoma.

Are they a contender? Don’t think so. Texas has a lot of holes to fill and should be underdogs vs. both Oklahoma and Missouri. If they can find some inspiration, they might be able to win the Big XII South. Maybe.

10. (tie) Boston College
Key Senior losses WR Kevin Challenger, LT Gosder Cherilus, LG Ty Hall, QB Matt Ryan, TB Andre Callender, TB L.V. Whitworth, DE Nick Larkin, FS Jamie Silva, CB Taji Morris, P Johnny Ayers

Key Junior losses None

Do they have a Quarterback? Nope. Matt Ryan heads off to the NFL along with all of BC’s hopes and dreams. Senior-to-be Chris Crane threw exactly four passes in 2007 completing two. Sophomore-to-be Billie Flutie threw one pass.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 20

How does the schedule line up? No thanks to the BC Athletic Department, who don’t list the 2008 schedule on their website, just fine. Non-conference is laughable. Maryland, Clemson, and Virginia Tech all at home. At Florida State is the only challenging conference road game.

Are they a contender? Not at all. The defense should be good but losing Silva will hurt. The offense is going to struggle. The Eagles had no running game and loses their top two running backs. Matt Ryan was the offense in 2007 and they’re going to be searching for answers next year.

12. Tennessee
Key Senior losses RT Eric Young, TE Brad Cottam, TE Chris Brown, QB Erik Ainge, DE Xavier Mitchell, DT J.T. Mapu, DE Antonio Reynolds, LB Ryan Karl, CB Antonio Gaines, FS Jonathan Hefney, SS Jarod Parrish

Key Junior losses LB Jerod Mayo,

Do they have a Quarterback? Nope. Jonathan Crompton was the backup this year throwing exactly twelve passes, completing nine of them, two of which went to the other team unfortunately.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 53

How does the schedule line up? Pretty rough. The non-conference slate includes a visit to UCLA in the second game of the season. The SEC run includes away games at Auburn, Georgia, and South Carolina. Florida comes to Knoxville, as does Alabama.

Are they a contender? Nope. No quarterback, a challenging schedule and heavy losses on the defensive side spell average to below average season for Volunteer nation. Fortunately, RB Arian Foster decided to return for his Senior season which should make breaking in a new QB a little easier. Not enough though.

13. Florida
Key Senior losses WR Andre Caldwell, OT Carlton Medder, C Drew Miller, K Joey Ijjas, DT Clint McMillan, S Tony Joiner

Key Junior losses DE Derrick Harvey

Do they have a Quarterback? Lord Tebow himself

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 11

How does the schedule line up? Very nicely, thank you. Two intriguing non-conference games with both Hawaii (not the same Hawaii) and U. of Miami coming to Gainesville. The SEC slate lines up very nicely with the two biggest games at home- LSU and Georgia. Road games include at Tennessee, at Arkansas, and the finale out of conference at Florida State.

Are they a contender? Without a doubt. A very young defense returns without a star pass-rusher in Harvey but largely intact. We learned this year that no matter how good the offense is, that defense has to develop at a quicker pace, and they should. We’re picking the Gators as the early favorites in the East with a very good chance at winning the conference and advancing another SEC team into the NC.

14. BYU
Key Senior losses WR Matt Allen, C Sete Aulai, RB Joe Semanoff, DE Judd Anderton, LB Bryan Kehl, LB Kelly Poppinga, LB Markell Staffieri, LB Chris Bolden, S Kayle Buchanan, S Ben Criddle, S Andrew Saulsberry, DB Korby Hodgkiss, FS Ben Criddle

Key Junior losses None

Do they have a Quarterback? Yep. Max Hall and his 3,800 yards return for his Junior season.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 44

How does the schedule line up? Non-conference games include at home to UCLA and at Washington. The rest is the Mountain West- what else do you really want to know.

Are they a contender? No. Massive defensive losses mean maybe even another two-loss season may not be possible.

15. Auburn
Key Senior losses FB Carl Stewart, QB Brandon Cox, LT King Dunlap, TE Cole Bennett, DE Quentin Groves, DT Josh Thompson, SS Eric Brock, DB Patrick Lee, DB Jonathan Wilhite

Key Junior losses DT Pat Sims

Do they have a Quarterback? Nope. Brandon Cox is out the door and either the Kodi Burns or the Blake Field eras are about to begin.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 21

How does the schedule line up? Really well. Non-conference at West Virginia in game # 2. The Tigers get LSU, Tennessee, and Georgia all at home. At Alabama in the finale is the only road challenge.

Are they a contender? Nope. Replacing a QB and multiple defensive standouts is too much to ask in the SEC.

16. Arizona State
Key Senior losses LG Robert Gustavis, C Mike Pollak, RT Zach Krula, RT Julius Orieukwu, TE Brent Miller, TE Brady Conrad, WR Rudy Burgess, WR Tyrice Thompson, TB Ryan Torain, P Jonathan Johnson, DE Kellen Mills, DT Michael Marquardt, LB Robert James, CB Chris Baloney, FS Josh Barrett, CB Justin Tryon

Key Junior losses None

Do they have a Quarterback? Definitely. Rudy Carpenter and his 145.1 passer rating is back for his Senior season.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 13

How does the schedule line up? Pretty rough. Georgia comes into town for a non-conference tilt. Conference road games include at Cal, USC, and Arizona. Oregon comes to town.

Are they a contender? No. Keegan Herring returning at RB and the aforementioned Rudy Carpenter should soften the blow of the other departures. Still, too many holes to fill with that schedule to think the Sun Devils will have any chance of sniffing the National Championship.

17. Cincinnati
Key Senior losses DE Angelo Craig, DT Jon Newton, DE Anthony Hoke, LB Leo Morgan, LB Jon Carpenter, SS Haruki Nakmura, SS Evan Sparks, LT Digger Bujnoch, LG Ken Rodriguez, TE Doug Jones, TE Earnest Jackson, WR Mike Daniels, WR Antwuan Giddens, RB Butler Benton, RB Bradley Glatthaar, RB Greg Moore, QB Ben Mauk

Key Junior losses None

Do they have a Quarterback? Sort of. 2007 starter Ben Mauk moves on and Dustin Grutza takes over what was once his. Grutza was the on-and-off starter in both 2005 and 2006 so and will be a Senior next year.

Scouts Recruiting Ranking? # 48

How does the schedule line up? Not good for 2nd year Head Coach Brian Kelly. Non-conference road games at Oklahoma and Hawaii plus conference road games at West Virginia, Uconn, and Louisville. South Florida and Rutgers are at home.

Are they a contender? Nope.

18. Michigan
Key Senior losses LT Jake Long, C Adam Kraus, RG Jeremy Ciulla, RG Alex Mitchell, QB Chad Henne, RB Mike Hart, K K.C. Lopata, K Jason Gingell, DE Tim Jamison, DT Will Johnson, LB Shawn Crable, LB Max Pollock, LB John Thompson, LB Chris Graham, CB Morgan Trent, FS Brandent Englemon, SS Jamar Adams, SS Charles Stewart, CB Doug Dutch

Key Junior losses WR Mario Manningham, WR Adrian Arrington, QB Ryan Mallett (not a Junior, transferred)

Do they have a Quarterback? Not unless Tyrelle Pryor commits. Even if Pryor does come to Ann Arbor, he better be the next coming of Vince Young if he expects to live through his Freshman year. He’ll be with a rebuilt offensive line, without his top running back and without the top two wide receivers, and the defense is going to have to be rebuilt also. What do