The Blotter

Somebody Broke into Charlton Heston’s Car…
Dateline: Dallas, Texas
8:13 a.m. Nov. 13: A burglar took firearms valued at $9,917 from a vehicle…

Only in Texas can someone carry around $10,000 worth of guns in their car, have them stolen, and not think twice about admitting to the police that they’re driving around with a small arsenal…

Not Getting the Message
Dateline: Appleton, Wisconsin
Harassment- An employee of a business in the 100 block of E. Washington Street called police after receiving a letter at work that said she “talks too much and should shut her mouth.”…

The author of that letter was obviously right and the recipient of the letter clearly didn’t take the advice.

Translation Please
Dateline: Kalispell, Montana
7:27 p.m. A Kalispell man called in to complain that his brother drove onto his property and spun cookies all over it…

If anyone is from Montana or has been to Montana, we need a translation. I’ve heard of people spinning out and doing “doughnuts” and I’ve also heard of people “tossing their cookies” but never “spinning cookies”. Your help is much appreciated.

The Loch Ness Monster too…
Dateline: Brooklyn, New York
STOLEN VEHICLE: An $8,000 1994 multi-colored two-door Honda Civic was stolen on Thursday, Nov. 9, around 5:30 a.m. on the 400 block of 10th Street. There was no broken glass at the scene. The police canvassed the area with negative results…

$8,000?? For a ‘94 multi-color two-door Civic? Even if that thing was in excellent condition and had $5,000 worth of rims and stereo equipment, it still wouldn’t be worth $8,000. And I love that the police “canvassed the area with negative results”. You think? Maybe they should have been searching for a leprechaun and bigfoot too.

This’ll Teach You to Keep Your Garage Door Closed
Dateline: Tracy, California
4:22 p.m. A person on the 1700 block of Duncan Drive called police reporting that four men walked into a neighbor’s garage and started taking tools. The neighbor caught one of the men who was detained until police arrived where he was arrested on suspicion of burglary and being drunk and disorderly.

At 4:22 on a Saturday, one has to wonder about the sequence of events leading up to four (allegedly) drunken men marching into a neighbor’s garage and walking away with tools. Perhaps a tool-lending incident gone bad? Or a Cal football game gone bad? The possibilities are endless.

Who’s the Criminal?
Dateline: Greenville, South Carolina
See if you can follow the details on this one. The “victim” (we’ll call him Kevin) was sitting in his truck in his driveway, surely minding his own business (and allegedly not paying his bills either). Somehow, without the Kevin knowing, the Repo man and a used car salesman pulled up in a tow truck and hitched the Kevin’s vehicle to the tow truck. The “victim”, excuse me, Kevin, allegedly was afraid so he put the truck into four-wheel drive and drove off.

It gets better.

Kevin headed out on Asheville Highway while the “perps” pursued. Repo man and used car dealer bumped Kevin from behind and forced him off the road into a parking lot where they proceeded to push the victim around and shout that they were law enforcement officer. A witness saw what was going on and called 911. The repo man and the used car dealer were both arrested for impersonating a police officer and the “victim” no doubt continued on his non-bill-paying ways.

You’re welcome.