The News Desk

Red’s been traveling a lot lately so we haven’t been able to pay as much attention to the blogosphere as we need to. Things are back to neutral so hopefully that means blogging fun.

Speaking of travel, we’ve got a couple ‘o tips for anyone flying the friendly skies in the next couple months.

Tip # 1: If you are sick, stay off my plane. If you’ve just got a little cold or some slight sneezing, that’s cool, but you better wear a particulate mask- you know the ones all the Chinese were sporting during the summer of SARS? Seriously, my kids are bringing home enough germs from school, I don’t need to breathe in your re-circulated sick germs for three hours on an airplane while I try to siphon the last peanut bit out of the 1″ by 1″ bag that was my lunch.

Tip # 2: This is a pretty simple one. The plane has landed and made its way to the gate. The little bell goes off and everyone unbuckles their seat belts. Do you a.) immediately stand up in the aisle and try to move forward in the plane a couple of rows or b.) play it cool like Vincent Vega? The answer, of course, is “B”. The deplaning rules are very simple America- handicapped folks and people continuing on the same plane stay where they’re sitting. Everyone else should leave the plane according to where you’re sitting. If I’m in row 13 and you’re in row 14, you’re standing in row 14 until all of the passengers from row 13 have vacated their seats and started moving toward the front of the plane. You do not start to edge your way forward and act like you have a right to get off the germbox before I do. It’s douchebaggery and it’s punishable by a forearm shiver to the temple or a toe sticking juuuuuuust a smidge too far out in the aisle. You’ve been warned.

Now on to the news desk…

Dateline: Goslar, Germany
According to the Universal Press Syndicate, a restaurant owner has come up with a creative way to get around the recently imposed smoking ban. The owner made three holes in an outer wall so that smokers can stick their head and arms through the openings and toke it while not actually leaving the restaurant. A good idea on paper (maybe) the execution of this feat is problematic. I guess Germans are more comfortable than Americans in a.) helplessly exposing their faces and hands to public urinaters, snow ball fights, etc. and b.) exposing their “rear flanks” to a restaurant full of people. Nice work Germany.

Dateline: Austin, Texas
File this one under “we didn’t think they’d actually show up”. Leaders of the Hyde Park Baptist Church announced a multidenominational Thanksgiving celebration and then abruptly cancelled it when they became aware that some Muslims might actually show up and pray. How’s that for religious tolerance? I guess by multidenominational, they meant Baptist plus a bake sale and a Jew. Nice work Austin.

You’re welcome.