The tournament tips off this afternoon but before we focus our attention on that, time to catch up on the news desk. Some old news and some new, all of it guaranteed to make you less intelligent.

The first story we’re filing under Decaying the American Brain. It’s the story of a woman who’s suing Best Buy for $54 million because they lost her computer. $54 million? Seriously?

The second story also gets filed under Decaying the American Brain. It’s a story of a half-wit who’s attempting to sue her realtor because the realtor didn’t stop her and her husband from making an idiotic decision. I sure hope this piece of crap lawsuit gets thrown out of court, otherwise, lawyers will drive up broker’s fees just like they’ve done to health insurance costs.

The third story is dated but too good not to bring back. The video is pretty self explanatory. Enjoy, and for the love of God, put down the brownies.

Finally, a shortened version of The Blotter:

Dateline: Chattanooga, TN
File this one under “What?” and “Congratulations Joe Friday, that was one hell of a complete police report”. Police were called to a store after a clerk said she was frightened by two males asking questions about the last time the store was robbed and whether or not she was armed. Police said “one of the men was the suspect who ’set a female’s hair on fire.’ No further details were given about that incident.”

Dateline: Chattanooga, TN
Lisa Burnette reported to her former employer to pick up her final paycheck and was told she needed to take off the company shirt she was wearing in order to get her check. She complied and picked up her check. No word if the accountant in charge of check disbursements stuck a couple singles in Ms. Burnette’s g-string or if Police were able to find the inter-company memo referencing the desire to fire loose women with or without giant racks.

You’re welcome.

From the Onion and for anyone who’s a fan of “How I Met Your Mother”. Enjoy.

FCC Okays Nudity On TV If Itâ??s Alyson Hannigan