ESPN’s Erin Andrews is turning thirty on May 4 and we’ve joined in the celebration taking place over at Busted Coverage.com. Check out our birthday wishes for her on the birthday card they’re putting together.

Busted Coverage is not necessarily SFW so you might not want to click the link if your boss is looking over your shoulder.

Watching the draft got me thinking of the things first rounders will spend their signing bonuses on. A Rolex, a pair of three carat diamond earings, and a house for Momma are all likely on the list. Also on the list is an Escalade- the official car of mack daddies and playas. It also got me to thinking about the Escalade commercials, which for the most part are sleek and hip. What bothers me is the statement uttered in most of them “available DVD navigation”. Don’t believe me, watch this:

Here’s a list of what you don’t get on the $57k base Escalade: heated and cooled front seats, heated stearing wheel, DVD navigation, rearview camera, Intellibeam headlights, sunroof, 22″ chrome wheels, power release second-row seat. And if you’re really feeling bank, yet another option is running boards. So is All-Wheel drive. So for dropping almost $60,000, you have to pay another $10k or so to get the options that should have been included in the first place. A totally pimped out Escalade (before being customized) will run you $69,515.

To Cadillac of North America, we say piss off for making us pay for things that should be included in the base model. What should be included as options for NFL first rounders are: reinforced front seat springs for 350 pound bodyguard/driver, tiny fourth row jump seat for weaselly agent, and a special “weed” compartment with odor neutralizers. Those are options.

You’re welcome.