Funny, in a sick “you’re getting divorced buddy” kind of way. Have a nice weekend.

I can’t believe this Congresswoman consented to this interview. Absolutely hilarious. Enjoy!

You’re welcome.

Take a Chicago landmark, add Mozart, the setting sun, and a picture every 3 seconds for 90 minutes. What do you get? I’ll let you decide for yourself.

Enjoy.

Two items for you on this Monday morning. First up is an RV dealer coming up with an unorthodox excuse for backing out of an auction on Ebay: Killer Bees. Click the link to read that article on the Consumerist.com.

Second is a piece written by Gerard Baker in the UK Times Online. Regardless of what side of the political aisle you’re on, you have to appreciate the prose and eloquence in the article. And if your seat happens to be on the right, boy is it a sweet piece of satire.

You’re welcome.

The official third installment courtesy of Funny or Die. Thanks to Chicago Craig for spotting it. Enjoy!!

Happy Friday to everyone. If you’re heading to the clubs this weekend and looking to start some static, here are 26 ways to kick someone’s ass, courtesy of Judo:

Also for your viewing pleasure, Snickers has come up with some funny ads featuring the great Mr. T. The subtle tagline is “Get some nuts”, which is delightfully dripping with double entendre in these two spots. The first is taking aim at the ridiculous flopping that takes place in soccer. The second ad, which apparently has gay rights groups up in arms, is aimed at speed walkers. I guess I didn’t realize speed walking was exclusively the domain of homosexuals.

Enjoy!

Yes, I tried watching with 3D glasses…

About 10 years ago I vowed never to fly AirTran again. Back then I had to travel A LOT for work and often AirTran had the cheapest fares. My boss was pretty tight with the purse strings so AirTran it was. However, back then their on-time performance was so bad I was actually able to convince my cheapskate boss that I was losing so much productivity due to delayed flights and missed connections that he gave in and let me fly on real airlines. These days I don’t travel that much…maybe a couple times a year to Chicago and/or Orange County, CA and I always fly one of the majors.

Now I see this story about a recent AirTran flight from Florida to Boston. Several questions immediately come to mind after watching the news story, none of which are even addressed in the clip.

WOman Sat In Urine Soaked Seat on Flight - Watch more free videos

1. The flight attendants KNEW that some guy had pissed the seat on the previous flight and DIDN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT?

2. They always tell you that your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device which implies that it is removable but they DIDN’T CHANGE IT?

3. And most importantly, what were the circumstances on the previous flight that led to some guy PISSING HIMSELF in his seat?!?! I mean come on, give us something. Was it an old dude that forgot his Depends? Was it some drunk that passed out and pissed himself in his sleep? Was it a regular dude who had too much coffee and the flight was so bumpy that they wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom and he couldn’t hold it any longer?

Sure it’s gotta suck to be the lady who sat in the pee-seat and then had to walk around Logan Airport in a blanket but I’m sure she’s got lawyers lining up at her door to sue the pants off (rim shot) of AirTran so she’ll be just fine. I want to know how the seat got soaked in pee in the first place. That’s got to be a good story. If anyone knows more about this story, please email the editor or use the comments (if they’re working today).

Ever been out on the golf course and had to go but there’s no portajohn in sight? I mean really go- like the dudes in the Avodart commercials? Boy are you in luck.

The blokes over at Matco have created something called the “UroClub”. I know what you’re thinking- the UroClub sounds like a place Scott Baio hangs out. You might be right, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. No, this particular UroClub is an iron that has the grip replaced by some kind of urine thermos.

“Tell me more” you say. Well, take a peek at the commercial complements of Youtube, and spoiler alert- my favorite line is “…it appears you’re just checking out your club” (yep, the long iron- hey oh!!)

Incidentally, I also wanted to find out what the USGA has to say about urination on golf courses. I couldn’t find anything but did find David Feherty’s response to a question as to whether or not players should be assessed penalty strokes for “watering the greens”:

“Don’t be so squeamish, you paranoid, panty-waisted hairdresser. Peeing on the golf course is a time-honored tradition, like slamming your club into a ball washer in the middle of your opponent’s backswing.”

Said like no one but Feherty can.

You’re welcome.

The site’s been quiet for several days while I was out of town for a funeral. While in one of the pallbearer’s cars with two of my wife’s cousins, they told me about these videos. More proof that some of the people on Youtube actually know what they’re doing (not many).

I’m very anti-celebrity magician and these two videos are right up my alley. This guy does a great David Blaine impression all the way down to the hokie tricks and the “Sprockets” facial expression. Be warned though- NSFW- strong language so keep your headphones on if you’ve got co-workers watching over your shoulder.

You’re welcome.

Busy week last week so time to catch up on the news…

Mark O. brought you the story about the transplanted Brit living in Australia Ian Usher who decided to auction off his life. Included in the offer was his house and all its contents, a car, a motorcycle, a jet ski and some other crap. Well, the auction closed and unfortunately for Mr. Usher, the final bid was a fiscal metaphor for his life- disappointing. The auction closed and while Usher had hoped to get at least $480,000, he ended up getting $382,712. Congratulations and good luck in your new life.

Scientists at M.I.T. by way of a study using gerbils have proven that certain foods can make you smarter. According to the study, choline (found in eggs), uridine monophosphate (found in beets), and docosahexaenoic acid (found in fish oils) all made the gerbils smarter. The scientists also concluded that several foods will make you dumber- Hot Pockets, Almond Joy candy bars, and weed.

Speaking of weed, Matthew McConaughey and his girlfriend Camila Alves had a baby boy last Monday- Levi Alves McConaughey. According to McConaughey, he and his girlfriend have “…created the greatest miracle in the world.” Let us all hope there are greater miracles in the world and may God have mercy on our souls.

Also in baby news, Nicole Kidman an her husband Keith Urban gave birth to a six pound baby girl named Sunday Rose Kidman Urban, or Sunday Urban for short, or “suburban”, which is what that kid will get called in the school yard if it’s even slightly overweight.

Finally, in very disturbing news, four words that should never be used in one sentence: “Verne Troyer” and “sex tape”. Thankfully, a Judge has shut down the release and distribution of a sex tape featuring Verne and his ex-girlfriend. The judge ruled that Troyer’s attorneys “demonstrated that he (Troyer) will suffer irreparable harm to his reputation” should the tape be released. That’s reason enough in my mind for that thing to never see the light of day.

You’re welcome.

Just can’t help myself here. During a break from a tv interview, and while the lapel microphone was still live, Jesse Jackson said among other things that he wants to cut Barack Obama’s nuts off.

The right reverend didn’t go into detail about whether or not he would wine and dine the nuts first before cutting them off, but did issue an apology:

“For any harm or hurt that this hot mic private conversation may have caused, I apologize. My support for Senator Obama’s campaign wide, deep, and unequivocal. I cherish this redemptive and historical moment.”

Apparently Mr. Jackson’s support for Mr. Obama’s nuts is neither wide nor deep.

You’re welcome.

A chain link gate, some fuse, a sheet of wire mesh….and 8500 bottle rockets. Leave it to Billy Bob! (Editor’s note: somebody should look into a theft of 8500 bottle rockets, pretty sure one was reported, also, how many of these dudes woke up the next morning with skinny red sticks sticking out of their abdomen?)

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/721228/

Hope you had a nice holiday. Here’s a link to some call center transcripts, courtesy of www.bitsandpieces.us, which are sure to brighten up your Monday. Our favorite is this one:

Tech Support: ’I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.’
Customer: ‘OK.’
Tech Support: ’Did you get a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ’OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu ?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ’OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’
Customer: ’Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.’

And while we’re on the subject of “lost in translation”, still the best ever:

You’re welcome.

Happy 4th of July from Red Renee.

Hope you have a safe and happy holiday.

Red

Go to the 5:40 mark for one of the greatest lines in all of television: “…make it 2/3rds, easier to stop if it turns on us.” Classic.

Enjoy!