Nancy Pelosi Unveils ‘The Mother of all Stimulus Plans’

Dateline: Washington, D.C.

Amid continued discussions on the hill for bailouts of additional U.S. corporations and various levels of taxpayer stimulus, Nancy Pelosi pushed her chips all in and unveiled what is being hailed as “the mother of all stimulus packages”.

Pelosi’s plan calls for $1 million stimulus checks to be delivered sometime in the 1st quarter to each household currently earning less than $1 million per year. “We feel it is important to proactively engage the bulk of America with proper stimuli rather than allowing each business and population group to gradually come forward for help” Pelosi said, adding “we simply don’t have time in the Senate for any more hearings”. Barney Frank added “harumph, harumph, gargle, gargle, George Bush can kiss my ass”.

With approximately 96 million households under the $1 million income mark, the pricetag for the plan is roughly $96 trillion. “A small price to pay for America’s future” said Pelosi.

When asked how the plan would be paid for, Pelosi indicated reductions on future appropriations would offset a portion, plus seizures of bank accounts held by those in the $1 million+ household category would occur “here and there”.

Economists who have studied the plan encouraged stimuli recipients to quickly exchange the funds to Canadian dollars or Yen, depending on “whomever takes us over”.

According to a White House spokesperson, George Bush was unavailable for comment because he was “packing up his knick knacks and figurines.”

The lame duck session of Congress is expected to vote on the plan Thursday or Friday.

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