Damn if only Youtube was around when I was a kid…

This video has 2 1/2 million hits so chances are you’ve already seen it, but just in case here’s a freaky soccer phenom at age 6. Mad skillzzzzz.

You’re welcome.

Colbert at his finest. Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

The Phoenix Board of Tourism sure has their work cut out for them. In addition to well-publicized foreclosure problems (Arizona #3 in the nation), Phoenix has been declared “the Kidnap for Ransom capital” of the United States. Police received 366 drug-related kidnap for ransom calls in 2008 and expect an equal number went unreported. Most if not all of the kidnappings involve gang-related activity and the drug trade, but the perception is bad nonetheless.

For that reason, we’d like to propose a couple travel and tourism slogans for Phoenix to help that city with their national reputation. Phoenixians (sp?) you can thank us later.

Mock-up #1

Mock-up #2

Mock-up #3

You’re welcome.

The American Issues Project has a new commercial that’s out railing on the free-spending Democrats and their fiscal experiment. We’d like to thank the dishonorable Senator Chuck Schumer for continuing to spout off and make commercials like this possible.

For all the eloquence that President Obama displays, his verbal prowess is bitch-slapped by people in his own party by at least a 2-1 margin. Schumer, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank, Barbara Boxer, and so many countless others- thank you for continuing to verbalize your arrogance and contempt for the American people time and time again. Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

So you think Obama’s got your back- everyone in the below $250k tax bracket. It’s all good. No new taxes is what you’re told and no new taxes is what you believe. Too bad for you “Joe the Linguist” (trademarked) is on the White House payroll. It’s all about semantics in the Obama era.

While income taxes haven’t been raised (yet) on families earning under $250k, there are two tax increases already passed which are going to impact many Americans, if not most.

The first is one aimed squarely at lower-income folks. Reports clearly show the correlation between lower incomes and higher percentages of smokers, and beginning April 1st, smokers will pay an additional 62 cents per pack federal tax on each and every pack of smokes they buy. If you use the accepted average that the typical smoker tokes one pack a day, that’s an added tax to those folks of $226 per year.

Doesn’t sound like a lot but that’s a car payment or approximately four digital converter boxes worth. That also doesn’t take into account what states and counties will levy on cigarettes (just wait, it’s coming). The states will be coming for alcohol too so get ready for that tax.

The second tax is much more stealthy. Obama’s cap and trade program for energy will levy substantial penalties on most energy suppliers in the U.S. and that cost will get passed on to consumers. You will see your utility bills rise, dramatically in some cases.

This one’s easy for the left to diffuse- just blame the oil and gas companies of greed and glut and that easily explains away the problem. But you’re smarter than that- and you know the truth because I just told you. Keep all that in mind when you head to the polls in 2010.

You’re welcome.

One million people can’t be wrong…

You’re welcome.

Sifting through the soaring rhetoric of Obama’s State of the Union address that officially wasn’t the State of the Union, two things struck me right away.

First, Obama committed to curing cancer. I’d like to go on record as saying I’m in favor of this- good luck. As the body of words builds from various speeches, it becomes clearer and clearer that Obama’s speeches are made up entirely of promises he can’t/won’t keep and comments on goals that neither party disagrees about (though they disagree about how to get to the goal).

Second, Obama presented a little math word problem for those listening closely: subsidize standard of living for the welfare class and eliminate the upper income class and what do you get? Nothing but middle class. And that my friends is Socialism.

Mr. Obama also reiterated his goal of having the deficit by the end of his (first) term. Quite a lofty goal considering the exponential rate at which already porky government spending is increasing. He painted the target pretty clearly calling out families earning $250,000 or more per year. People in that category are going to get taxed back to the stone ages to balance out the deficit. And when they find places to hide their money from taxation, Bidenpalooza is going to come looking for folks in the $75k-$250k range to “be patriotic”. You might as well assume the position now.

You’re welcome.

Here’s some Miller time on among other things, the femme-bot that is Nancy Pelosi. Spoiler alert: my favorite line is “…up like a seal at Sea World”. Enjoy:

If you’re interested in keeping tabs on the stimulus bill (and I know you are) here are several resources to help you:

First is one of my new favorite websites: readthestimulus.org.

Second is the website that was created as a result of the stimulus bill- recovery.gov. That website doesn’t come with a bullshit filter so read at your own risk.

Providing one of my new favorite quotes “The two major parties have joined forces to suck at the taxpayer’s teat” is Whigblog.com

Finally, running-for-a-Senate-seat Peter Schiff has a website that probably will be worth keeping track of.

You’re welcome.

In the wake of the basketbrawl in Alabama, a good story about sportsmanship and class amid very difficult circumstances. Click the link to read.

You’re welcome.

In what is becoming an annual tradition, NFL Network’s Rich Eisen again ran the 40-yard dash at the NFL combine. Watching him run is highlight enough- kind of a cross between Forrest Gump and a buoy bobbing in a lake. But the capper is the second half of the video where the crew telestrates him running with actual combine participants layered over top. A better and funnier use of technology I’ve never seen. And here’s a teaser- Eisen races big man B.J. Raji. Enjoy:

Checking back in on ACORN and their “hell no, we won’t go” response to foreclosures that I put up a few days ago, here’s an absolutely startling video. Stuart Varney is a bit over the top here but notice three phrases uttered by the Executive Director of New York’s ACORN chapter: 1.) the most American thing you can do is to protect your home by breaking the law and refusing to leave it when you haven’t paid your mortgage; 2.) she wishes she could “force banks to our will”; 3.) Americans are entitled to happiness.

Ms. Lewis is a frightening example of the extreme left and not just their agenda, but how that agenda is being positioned and accepted as mainstream theory. And I’m no historian but I’m pretty sure the line from the Declaration of Independence is …certain unalienable rights that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And that’s the crux of what’s wrong with America right now- somehow we forgot about the pursuit part and just began expecting happiness to be bestowed upon each person. Here’s the video:

You’re welcome.

President Obama will go on television tonight to speak to a joint session of Congress about the various economic plans that have been rolled out to date. As is the case with nearly everything he says, it will sound good, it will be stirring, much of it will be wrong for America but will be said with enough of a flourish to play, and much will be contrary to what his administration actually does.

The reason why Team Obama’s housing plan won’t work, and why much of their economic proposals won’t work is that their methodology is flawed at the root. Their methodology primarily involves trying to manipulate outputs, rather than making systemic changes to the inputs. You could certainly argue that you have to stabilize the outputs first, then make system changes and I would agree with that, but even their initial moves aren’t going to work. And worse yet, Obama hasn’t learned a thing from the mistakes George Bush made.

The first part of the Obama plan is to modify existing mortgages so that borrowers are paying what they can afford per some formulas. This is un-American on many, many levels, but it also disregards the fact that many of these people have a chronic finance problem including credit card debt and cars they can’t afford. So not only is setting up price controls flawed per economic theory, but ignoring the underlying problem many of these people have dooms this to failure. Lesson #1: Throwing good money after bad doesn’t work.

Another part of the Obama plan allows for judges to re-write loans to allow people to stay in homes they should have never been able to afford in the first place. This provides a disincentive for people to stay current on their loans, and once again has the government picking the winners and the losers. Welfare programs show what behaviors dis-incentives promote- the wrong ones. Lesson #2: Lack of incentive creates a careless, unmotivated electorate.

For people already in foreclosure and about to lose their homes,our solution is much more of a free-market tactic: Rather than using tax payer money to directly fund loan modifications which may or may not work, allow tax payers with the financial where-with-all (the same tax-payers that are going to end up paying for the modification) to purchase the loans and rent to the current homeowners. The government would guarantee the loans within a certain threshold and would also stipulate the rent structure for the program so that predatory situations are avoided. Only individuals or families that are American citizens can take advantage of the program (no foreign entities and no corporations) and no individual or family can acquire more than five loans in total.

If the former homeowners don’t pay the rent, they’re out on the street. With so many people already losing their homes, there are plenty of available renters. Many loans won’t be assumed because the numbers don’t work- they’re the ones that are headed for default no matter what help is given. The point is the free market selects this vs. the government choosing winners and losers. As an added benefit, jobs will be created through property management companies, maintenance/repair folks, and tax advisors assisting investors.

As an alternative, our second plan involves a method for homeowners to catch up on their payments should they choose. Our plan would provide up to $7,500 in grants to homeowners to help them catch up on delinquent mortgage payments. The catch is the money must be directly applied toward mortgage payments and cannot be used for anything else. And, in order to get the money, the homeowners must perform community service in return. The grant money would be amortized as follows:

*Each hour of community service is worth $10. If a homeowner were to get the entire $7,500, they would “pay back” that amount by providing 10 hours of community service every week for about a year and a half. A steep price to pay but isn’t it better than losing your home- plus it provides something in return for hard-earned tax payer funds that would otherwise go down a hole.

Finally, for those in exotic or highly-escalating adjustable mortgages, you’re out of luck. Call me heartless but there are times in life when you have to learn tough lessons. If you didn’t read what you were signing or knowingly purchased a home that you never should have been able to afford, you’re a renter. If Senators want to create a separate foreclosure status for these people so their future credit is less impacted, go for it.

You’re welcome.

The linebackers worked out yesterday in Indianapolis and on hand for the Buckeyes were Marcus Freeman and James Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis was what everybody thought he was- an All-American, master technician, brilliant in pass coverage, and just a step slower than the fastest guys. The real story was Marcus Freeman, who like Brian Robiskie the day before, probably helped his draft position by at least a round.

Freeman ran the drills very well looking very smooth with quick transitions and good overall speed. His 40-time of 4.74 was enough for 7th best overall among the Linebackers (tied with Brian Cushing from USC). Incidentally, there’s an interesting thread over at Rivals about whether or not Cushing is on roids and here’s a funny throwback post of him coming out of college.

Freeman also tied Cushing for the best bench press (30 reps), tied Aaron Curry for the best vertical jump (37 inches), 4th best on the 3-cone drill (6.98 seconds), and best of the linebackers on the 20-yard shuttle (4.12 seconds).

The DB’s are up today so time for Malcolm Jenkins to shine. Here’s an article indicating Jenkins may have quite a bit to prove.

On the non-Buckeye front, Virginia LB Aaron Curry proved to be the best of the bunch, at least athletically. He looks to have all the tools to be a Pro-Bowler in his first year in the league, and might be the best overall player in the draft this year.

You’re welcome.

First it was repeated pleas for a playoff in D-I college football, now it’s the revelation that Barack Obama’s favorite guilty game pleasure is Blackberry Brickbreaker. According to Star Magazine, Obama plays a little Brickbreaker each night to unwind before bed. I happen to destroy on Brickbreaker with my unofficial high score at 790,000; I say unofficial because the ball disappeared when I had 790,000 and 150 lives and when that happens you can’t save your high score. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

Unfortunately for the country, Obama’s high score is 15,000 which I’m fairly certain a 6 or 7 year old could beat. Let’s just hope he rocks the country better than he does the trackball.

You’re welcome.

I neglected to post this last week, so here it is posthomously. As is the case every year, most of the Grammys was unforgettable. Unforgettable this year, with the exception of Radiohead’s live performance of “15 Steps”. The performance would have been better with the Blue Devils playing back-up rather than “the USC Marching Band” (as has they’ve been referred to in several places). Still, one of the better TV performances I’ve ever seen and a very powerful song. Enjoy.

You’re welcome.

AP/Getty Images

The Oscar Producers played Jennifer Aniston straight gangsta-style sunday night. While presenting (some silly award) with straight man Jack Black, the producers flipped to a cut-away of the happy couple also known as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. This was no accident- this was straight gangster. This was leaving fish heads on on the pillow or mailing the severed finger of your first cousin. Whomever was calling the shots in the production booth knew exactly what they were doing.

I’m not sure what Aniston did to deserve that type of treatment but any recourse, up to and including smashing every monitor in that place, is completely in order. In case you missed the video, here it is:

You’re welcome.

The running backs, wide receivers and quarterbacks were featured on Sunday at the NFL combine and two Buckeyes were present. WR Brian Robiskie had an outstanding day, so good that he was chosen as one of the two top performers by the NFL Network analysts. Robo ran well, caught every ball that was thrown at him and most definitely improved his draft status following up on a solid Senior Bowl. Here’s a link of his highlights.

Beanie Wells had a solid day running decently (4.59) in the 40 and having the best broad jump of any running back and second best overall. There wasn’t a stiff-arm test which would have been the true test of what Beanie will mean to an NFL team.

If you happen to be near a tv tomorrow, the Linebackers will be on NFL Network which means both Marcus Freeman and James Laurinaitis will be doing drills. We’ll have a recap of their performances up sometime on Tuesday.

The website has been down for a few days courtesy of Windows Vista. We had to do a complete re-installation of the operating system that is only marginally more stable than Brittany Spears (thank you Microsoft). Don’t believe us?- here’s the reliaibility monitor just prior to the final blue screen:

Anyways, we’re back up and running and will get caught up over the next couple days.

I wish this commercial would just go away. Further proof that Chris Berman is the baby-boomer Screech.

Fascinating isn’t it- no more Bush, no more Cheney, and yet the fear-mongering that the dilapidated duo were so frequently accused of continues today from the chosen one- Barack Obama. Here’s the “crisis” counter from Obama’s speech in Phoenix on Wednesday:

You’re welcome.

Stephen Colbert -v- Conan O’Brien in a dance-off to end all dance-offs. Enjoy:

As the extreme left takes ever greater control of our capitalist democracy, this from the left-wing activist group Acorn: refuse to leave your foreclosed home, or better yet, move back in if you’ve already left. Acorn is going beyond just encouraging this lawless behavior, they’re actually creating “home defender teams”.

“After you’ve used all your legal options, your last resort is civil disobedience” said Louis Beverly, co-chair of the Baltimore Acorn chapter squatter advocates. I suppose then it’s okay then if I stop paying my federal taxes since it’s clear most of that money is going to be squandered on grotesque socialist whimsy.

Even elected officials are encouraging anarchy- I give you Representative Marcy Kaptur (D-Ohio). Ms. Kaptur said “…stay in your homes. If the American people, anybody out there is being foreclosed, don’t leave, because I will tell you what. If you had a smart lawyer like those banks up there on Wall Street can get, they would take you into court and they couldn’t find the mortgage.”

She went on: “So I say to the American people, stay in your homes. You have earned them. And don’t you get out until you get a really good lawyer who can find your mortgage up there on Wall Street. Because, you know what? They won’t be able to find it, and therefore they can’t prove you should be evicted.”

Here’s the entire video:

It’s time for even moderate Democrats to realize this isn’t the change you voted for. You thought you were getting a shared embrace, a hand when you’re down, and a new-found hipness, instead we’re all witness to the quick erosion of nearly every fundamental principle this great nation was built on. God help us all.

While inheriting an economic mess, Team Obama had two paths to choose in the name of triage for the economy, and unfortunately for Democrats, they chose the wrong one.

The Democrats had everything going for them at the moment of the inauguration- public opinion in their favor, control of the House and the Senate, people making songs and videos about them, and unprecedented media support. Unfortunately, as Democrats often do, the allure of all that power got the better of them and the wheels are now slowly but surely going to fall off.

The path chosen was a mixed package of some stimulus, some public works projects, expansion of entitlements and a bunch of bullshit. The Democrats know there’s a sticker shock threshold for Americans, and disturbingly that number is around $1 trillion.

Team Obama also knows that most economists agree the combination of tax cuts and job creation needed to chub up the economy is somewhere in the $1 trillion mark.

So with that, they had a choice: 1.) Put together a mixed package to help seed the far left agenda, while knowing full well they’ll have to come back with further stimulus in another couple months; or 2.) Pass a full stimulus plan now and then come back with the pet projects bill in a few months once they’ve given the appropriate TLC to the economy.

Option # 1 makes good on promises Team Obama made to their base but leaves the economy in suspended peril. The upside is that if you believe half of our economic woes are based on emotions, half-wits who are just satisfied by “Obama getting things done” may unsuspectingly increase their personal spending. This won’t have any lasting effect but could provide an underlying short-term boost.

The Dems also have some remaining mileage from the “Bush got us here” rhetoric, but they’re burning through that very quickly, mostly in the name of defending some of the more ridiculous things that were in the original package like sodding the national mall lawn.

The flip side and the scenario we’re in now is that the package will likely do very little to affect the economy in the next 3-4 months. There are plenty of questions that any measure would make meaningful short-term difference, and that’s part of the Dems’ miscalculation.

Meanwhile, politically, the Republicans voted unanimously against the bill in the House and at the same time presented their own bill that featured only tax cuts and jobs. The Senate had three defectors which ultimately decided the outcome, but hardly the 80 votes Obama was hoping for. So when Team Obama is forced to come back to the American people in a few months for another ½ a trillion, the Republicans will be in a position to flip public opinion completely around, and just in time for 2010 elections.

I’m not saying the Republican house is in order; it’s still in a pretty high state of disarray. But, they most definitely got this move correct politically, and after all, that’s all most politicians care about- left or right.

In the interim watch how desperately the liberal media attempts to put a positive spin on any economic data in the black over the next two quarters. There will be positive data in places- especially when you look at like-for-like numbers on an annual basis. The glimmers of hope that get spun like golden yarn are all that can save the Democrat majority. And even that isn’t going to get it done.

You’re welcome.

The title of this video says it all “Drunk Man Confuses Pants with his Shirt” (courtesy of Break.com). Apparently he confused a Speedo as acceptable beach wear as well.

Drunk Guy Confuses Pants With His Shirt - Watch more Funny Videos

You’re welcome.