…or eight and half trillion dimes as it were. For the sake of perspective, one trillion dollars is one million - million dollars. In other words, if you spent a million dollars every day, starting in year 0 A.D., you would still not have spent one trillion dollars. Ponderous man. Freaking ponderous.

As the Senate debates the stimulus bill today, it’s time to look at what the House approved last week.

There are plenty of good things in the bill- tax relief for small businesses, some of the infrastructure projects (not all of it) and the defense measures all merit approval. Unfortunately the good is heavily outweighed by the bloated feces that is government waste and evidence a gross violation of the public’s trust on both sides of the aisle.

The rhetoric coming out of Washington is that emergency action is needed to rescue American’s financial woes. Yet scan the pages of the House bill and you see scores of pet projects that have absolutely nothing to do with “stimulus”. Some of these projects merit approval, but should be part of separate bills. Others have no business being considered in the first place. For your consideration, a fraction of what’s in the bill:

$245 million for modernizing the IT system for the Farm Service Agency

$2.8 billion for broadband in rural areas

$100 million for an IT system upgrade for state nutrition program management

$1 billion for “Periodic Censuses and Programs”

$140 million for NOAA climate data modeling

$250 million for additional climate research

$2.5 billion for “research and related activities” for the National Science Foundation

$6.2 billion for the “Weatherization Assistance Program”

$3.4 billion for state energy programs

$1 billion in expenses necessary for the manufacturing of advanced batteries

$7.7 billion to add property to the Federal Buildings Fund

$600 million for alternative and plug-in vehicles for government employees

$6 billion for State and Tribal Assistance Grants for Clean Water State Revolving Funds

$650 million for capital improvement and maintenance for the Forest Service

$850 million for Wildlife Fire Management

$700 million for Medicare “effectiveness research”

$1.5 billion for research and “anything the Director of the National Institute of Health sees fit”

$2.1 billion for the Head Start program

$200 million for Aging Services Programs

$954 million for immunization programs

$40 million for OSHA research activities

$13 billion for grants under the “Education for the Disadvantaged” Act

$160 million for operating expenses to carry out the Domestic Volunteer Service Act of 1973

$500 million for processing disability and retirement workloads

$50 million for the National Cemetery Administration

$79 billion for the Dept. of Education State Fiscal Stabilization Fund

$325 million for the Dept. of Education Innovation Fund

Even the good in the bill will likely be mismanaged so badly that 20-40% of the appropriated dollars will wash away into the ether. Think long and hard about the millions and billions of dollars appropriated to some of those items and ask yourself if you could accomplish that task with only 10% of the dollars shown. I bet the answer for most is yes.

And on the infrastructure that will supposedly create so many new jobs, even the best-intended projects are short-term fixes. LIttle if it will create long-term organic job growth. To prove that I’m not just blowing negative air, if I were an elected representative, my stimulus plan would be crafted with the following in mind (and only these items):

1.) Tax incentives and accelerated depreciation to stimulate small-business growth and organic job creation
2.) Limited and targeted infrastructure projects that can show concrete evidence of making it easier for the wheels of private business to turn
3.) Tax credits or grants for the re-training of displaced workers- calculated with incentives to encourage re-training vs. extension of unemployment benefits as well as incentives to pursue sectors where workers are needed (healthcare for example)
4.) Stabilization of the housing market through tax incentives to private citizens who purchase foreclosed or short sale homes, accelerated depreciation on any improvements on those properties and short-term tax credits on operating expenses.
5.) Commitment to re-structure the federal government and eliminate 10% of government jobs to account for reduction in tax revenue.

I’ve listed below a summary of many of the items in the House version of the bill, both good and bad, so you don’t have to review the 258 page document. If you’d prefer, you can do review the whole thing here.

Here’s a summary of how I see the House bill breaking out:

Here’s a summary of everything I looked at:

You’re welcome.

Take the music, bad acting, bad writing, bad lighting, and bad camera work of porn and take out the porn and you get PG Porn. For your lunchtime enjoyment but probably NSFW (watch at your own risk, I sure as hell can’t hire you if you get fired).

You’re welcome.

I don’t know how much this costs or where to get one but I MUST HAVE ONE OF THESE…NOW!

Side note…Is it just me or does it look like the lake this guy’s in is in a trailer park?

You’re welcome.