If you can read this, your computer survived the conficker worm. Congratulations and welcome to the rest of your life.

You’re welcome.

Following TomTom to the EdgeEdge.
A 34-year old UK man followed his nav system up a steep narrow footpath and nearly off a cliff, claiming the following:

It kept insisting the path was a road, even as it was getting narrower and steeper, so I just trusted it.

Read here for the full story.

Very Nice Purse. It’s Very Large.
There’s a group of guys at Purdue University - maybe you’ve heard of them - the compliment guys. From 12:30 to 2:30 every Wednesday they stand outside the Science building and compliment random people walking by. According to the article, when asked whether they’re trolling for dates “They insist that they’re not, and that they both have girlfriends.” To that we say well played. Well played sirs.

Here’s the video:

And finally, The Cold War isn’t over yet
Memo to Russian Cosmonauts- use your own toilets.

You’re welcome.

In case you haven’t seen this yet, this is sick. Lebron is simply a freak. Enjoy:

A game-winning three-pointer at the buzzer is dramatic. A game-winning three-pointer at the buzzer during the NCAA tournament is even more dramatic.

Try this on for size: a game-winning three-pointer at the buzzer in the D-II Championship game in overtime for a team that had an undefeated season on the line and the person taking the shot hadn’t made a basket the entire game. All I can say is wow- take a watch:

You’re welcome.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the enviro-crazies and the planned “earth hour” tonight at 8:30pm local time (intended for 8:30pm wherever you are, unless of course you’re in an airplane crossing time zones, in which case may God have mercy on your soul.)

Based on very cursory reading of the web material, the idea behind the pre-meditated black out is that folks kill all the power to their homes, bump into walls and furniture, and contemplate how bad the world would be if humans weren’t so awesome. Or something like that.

The folks over at Small Dead Animals.com have been pushing some excellent counter movements and we’re fully in support. We especially like their call to action of “placing a couple of electric space heaters inside an old fridge, plugging them all in, and seeing which one wins”. That plus International Clean Your Oven Hour, International Idle Your Engine Hour, and the Save a Hummer Pledge Drive all seem like worthy causes. Well done SDA- we salute you and will flash our lights at the appropriate time in honor of you.

I suppose on December 28th we can also mark “extremely Liberal baby birthing hour”. After the initial rush of sitting in the darkness wears off, there are really only a couple practical things left to be done. Looking forward to that.

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I’m a Syracuse basketball fan by marriage which only means that the pain of their Sweet 16 performance vs. Oklahoma is just ever so slightly dulled. 0-for-10 from behind the arc in the first half plus these two videos pretty much sums it up. 2009 Orangemen- we hardly knew ye. We’ll always have the 6 OT UConn game. See you next year.

Go to the :20 mark and watch Blake Griffin steamroll Johnny Flynn. Freight train vs. Point Guard; hmmmmm….I wonder who’ll win that?

You’re welcome.

Saving you the trouble of finding the news yourself…

Shhhh….Don’t tell anybody- Obama is sending 4,000 more troops to Afghanistan. This on top of the 17,000 he already authorized under cover of darkness. At least he held a press conference for this one- and he actually acknowledged 9/11 this time- how convenient. I suppose the Democrats are comfortable using American tragedy when it suits their political objectives.

Good news- Joe Biden is actually doing something. He’s sending $250 to old people. Woooohoooo! Consider the economy fixed. Why not? It worked so well when George Bush did it…

From CNN.Com- mother of two turns to stripping. Something tells me she probably would have ended up there eventually anyways. Here’s the video:

Great news: Rolls Royce is coming out with a smaller, cheaper car. The 200EX is expected to hit the showrooms in April 2010 and will be priced in the $250k-$300k range. Nice car but the finest luxury sports sedan for my money is the Maserati Quattroporte. If any of you work for Maserati- let’s work out a sponsorship deal. I need a Quattroporte in my garage.

I simply can’t add anything to this title: “Inmate heats sausage in toilet, sparks fire”. Yep, that just happened.

President Obama has a special Socialist message for some key bank CEO’s:

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Fortunately not what you think it is. Happy Friday to you all:

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I’m not as smart as this guy, but I’ve got a few ideas…

The second in an extended series on constructive and real ways to fix the federal budget focuses on one specific area today- the Census.

It’s estimated that censuses in developing nations cost around $3 per person. It should then come as no surprise to you that with an estimated cost for the 2010 U.S. census of $20 billion, that works out to approximately $128 per individual/family in the U.S. (based on individual and joint tax filings- 156 million).

That’s our fantastic government at work- doing the same activity as developing countries for 43 times more money; woohoooo!

What would you do with $125 that I could save you and your family? Plenty I bet. How does it get saved? Easy, but first a history lesson.

The census is a partially dictated part of the Constitution, I say partially because the amendment was never actually ratified so technically it’s still sitting on the “To Do” pile of Congress.

Nonetheless, the Census is integral to seat apportionment for the House of Representatives plus dissemination of public funds for things like homeless shelters and other welfare programs.

We also know that, thanks to Team Obama, the Census can become highly politicized. Like the White House taking control of the process or ultra-lib, somewhat corrupt ACORN signing on to “help out” (don’t call us, we’ll call you).

The problem with the census is it’s grossly inefficient and badly managed, just like nearly everything else the Government gets its’ grubby hands on. And even with throwing $20 billion at the program, there are reports that the 2010 results will be inaccurate and unreliable.

My solution for the census is simple and twofold, and it involves the IRS of all agencies. And I can do it for $200 million which is 1% of what it currently costs.

The first part of the census is to count households. The simple solution to count those people is to include an extra form in tax filings. It’s real simple- if you want your tax refund, you must complete the census form as part of your 1040. If you owe money, if you don’t complete the census form, it would trigger an automatic audit.

You buy a couple dozen optical scanners, scan the tax census forms, and you’re finished. Sound too simple? It’s not. The Government makes it too difficult.

The second part of the census involves counting “non-filers”- homeless, illegals, etc.

Illegals shouldn’t get the benefit of social programs so that takes care of that group straight away.

The solution to count the homeless is also simple. Shelters and food banks must file tax returns annually as part their non-profit status. As part of that filing, they list profits which are tax exempt and expenses which are tax deductible. You simply take those expenses, derive a formula for people served-to-expenses (a PE ratio of sorts), you scan those forms, and have the ‘puters crunch the numbers.

When it’s all said and done, you have every household counted and you have very realistic numbers on homeless, just as good as the numbers that are currently derived.

And you’ve saved each and every American tax payer $125. Right back into their pockets and right back into the economy.

You’re welcome.

Two traveling entertainers for you today- first the rapping flight attendant burning it up over on Break.com:

The Rapping Flight Attendant - Watch more Funny Videos

Second- Archie the Hertz driver. I actually had the pleasure of meeting Archie a couple of weeks ago when I was in Atlanta (renting a Hertz car). He definitely makes the shuttle ride more entertaining. What up Archie.

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The grotesque political display last week on the AIG bonus payouts finally has a name to the nameless villain class- Jake DeSantis.

Mr. Desantis, who was an Executive Vice-President at AIG, made his resignation letter public via the New York Times yesterday. Included in the letter was the reality of the witch hunt- that there are plenty of good, hard-working, innocent people being fingered by the government as criminals.

Desantis writes:

I am proud of everything I have done for the commodity and equity divisions of A.I.G.-F.P. I was in no way involved in — or responsible for — the credit default swap transactions that have hamstrung A.I.G. Nor were more than a handful of the 400 current employees of A.I.G.-F.P. Most of those responsible have left the company and have conspicuously escaped the public outrage.

After 12 months of hard work dismantling the company — during which A.I.G. reassured us many times we would be rewarded in March 2009 — we in the financial products unit have been betrayed by A.I.G. and are being unfairly persecuted by elected officials. In response to this, I will now leave the company and donate my entire post-tax retention payment to those suffering from the global economic downturn. My intent is to keep none of the money myself.

He continues:

I take this action after 11 years of dedicated, honorable service to A.I.G. I can no longer effectively perform my duties in this dysfunctional environment, nor am I being paid to do so. Like you, I was asked to work for an annual salary of $1, and I agreed out of a sense of duty to the company and to the public officials who have come to its aid. Having now been let down by both, I can no longer justify spending 10, 12, 14 hours a day away from my family for the benefit of those who have let me down.

He also writes:

As most of us have done nothing wrong, guilt is not a motivation to surrender our earnings. We have worked 12 long months under these contracts and now deserve to be paid as promised. None of us should be cheated of our payments any more than a plumber should be cheated after he has fixed the pipes but a careless electrician causes a fire that burns down the house.

Many of the employees have, in the past six months, turned down job offers from more stable employers, based on A.I.G.’s assurances that the contracts would be honored. They are now angry about having been misled by A.I.G.’s promises and are not inclined to return the money as a favor to you.

The only real motivation that anyone at A.I.G.-F.P. now has is fear. Mr. Cuomo has threatened to “name and shame,” and his counterpart in Connecticut, Richard Blumenthal, has made similar threats — even though attorneys general are supposed to stand for due process, to conduct trials in courts and not the press.

To read the entire letter, click here.

You’re welcome.

For all the tele-prompted eloquence of Barack Obama, the rest of Team Pelosi just can’t stop putting their foot in their mouth. Here’s deputy dog Barney Frank calling a Justice Antonin Scalia a “homophobe” during a TV interview:

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Slow news day today so here are couple videos to give you a laugh. Enjoy:

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This commercial is absolutely unconscionable. Stunning. Have you seen it?

It’s like the tobacco people running a campaign saying “it’s cool- just smoke a few”. Or the lead paint people saying “just don’t use it in the kids’ rooms”. Or the asbestos people saying “just do you your breathing outside you freaking whiners”.

While there seems to be enough conflicting evidence for the government to not ban high fructose corn syrup all together, there’s enough negative evidence to lead reasonable minds toward avoidance and certainly for anyone of proper ethics, regardless of whether they work for the corn industry or not, to not put these ads on television.

For the simple reason that HFCS isn’t naturally occurring is reason enough for me to avoid it. Add to it the dramatic links to obesity, links to increased triglyceride levels, and links to diabetes. All of that adds up to do what you can to avoid you or your children consuming it, not guilt your moron friends into drinking it at a birthday party.

For a succinct primer on why to avoid, click here. For a list (not verified) of products that contain HFCS, click here.

You’re welcome.

In thrilling double overtime fashion, the basketball Buckeyes got bounced from the first round of the NCAA tournament by 9-seed Sienna.

The Buckeyes got out-played and at times out-coached in what will be another in a string of crushing post-season losses for Buckeye Nation.

Shield your children’s eyes from the stats- the Bucks were out-rebounded 51-33 including 21-6 on the offensive glass. Add to that 40% shooting from the field and the uncanny knack to get caught by surprise from the press over and over and over, and you get a double-overtime loss to a team that you should have been able to physically dominate.

Worst of all, the Buckeyes got outworked by the Shermanator.

Well, not quite; actually Ryan Rossiter (skinny white kid on the left):

The Shermanator getting fouled in the act of trying to spit water at the basketball

Rossiter, despite looking like he should be delivering my newspaper, out-worked and out-hustled both B.J. Mullens and Dallas Lauderdale. Rossiter is listed at 6′9″, 216 pounds but can’t weigh more than 190 even with all his neoprene knee braces.

Mullens and Lauderdale should have brought him to his knees in submission. Instead, in between bouncing on the ground like a giant Gumby doll, Rossiter kept multiple Sienna possessions alive with key offensive rebounds.

We’ll never know what this team would have been capable of had David Lighty not missed the season with the injury. We know without him they’re good enough for a first-round loss in the tournament. Hopefully better things are on the horizon next year.

Memo to B.J. Mullens- you and your peach fuzz need another year. Don’t declare for the draft just yet.

Now we can get back to football.

As seen on theonion.com- “Point In Evening Reached Where Everyone Tries To Lift Biggest Friend“.

Line of the day at everydayshouldbesaturday.com from this post: “…says his wife’s favorite sexual position is “a number,” which we’re pretty sure means 91, where she sleeps, and he masturbates and cries quietly.” Classic.

Fred Durst feels compelled to remind everyone that he’s less relevant than Brittany Spears. And apparently he still thinks fondly of their unofficial relationship from 2003.

Team Obama is operating with a skeleton staff in both the Treasury and State Departments, but good news- the Science Adviser is on board.

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If you happen to be traveling by car for any portion of the tournament, here’s a handy site which will tell you the Westwood One stations that are carrying tournament play-by-play. Station participation may vary so you could still be out of luck, but until XM picks up the NCAA contract, this is the best you’ve got.

Here’s the link.

You’re welcome.

Iran’s response: “Iran enjoys good relations with the world community and its neighbors,” he said. “But the U.S. military presence in Iraq and Afghanistan is the only source of instability in the region.” Yep, they get it.

Enjoy:

Here’s a little Mike Birbiglia for you on this fine Friday. Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

“the Oregon Urology Institute, in Eugene, Ore., last year began marketing tourney-timed vasectomies, even running ads on a local sports radio station urging guys to “lower their seed for the tournament.” Men who signed up got a free pizza and a free bag of frozen peas.” Read on for more.

Good luck with your picks this year. Thanks to Andy for the find.

You might be angered by the AIG bonus situation. You might be angry at “corporate America” for the greed and recklessness so often publicized. You might be ready for government to have an even greater influence on private business. If you are, you’re missing the point.

The point is this is what happens when government steps in to take over any large entity or program. Cursory oversight; gross mismanagement of resources; corruption; waste; on and on. For all the people that want government to get bigger and take an even bigger role in citizen’s lives- when are you going to wake up and look at the carnage they leave behind? Our government simply isn’t capable of the idealistic, utopian management that liberals dream of.

Irrelevant fact #1: Many of the AIG bonuses were targeted at retaining key employees through a certain period in order to re-structure or eliminate entirely those portions of the AIG business. Try reforming a near-bankrupt business that’s 80%-owned by the government when the quality employees that can turn around the company are leaving to work for others.

Irrelevant fact # 2: Chris Dodd and key Democrats had the opportunity to restrict these very bonuses through the Stimulus Bill and they chose not to. More to the point, the language was pulled out of the bill at the last minute.

Irrelevant fact #3: The Obama Administration has known for quite some time that the bonuses were going out the door, and only sounded the anger alarm when Conservatives raised the issue.

Irrelevant fact #4: The waste in the stimulus bill and the Omnibus dwarfed this $160 million by momentous proportions and yet no outrage from the left for that. Waste is waste. It shouldn’t matter where the wasted money goes- it leaving is the point.

Irrelevant fact #5: The current CEO of AIG came out of retirement six months ago to work for $1 and attempt to turn around the failed entity. He bears little responsibility for the failures of the past of AIG, and should be lauded not crucified. The behavior of the Financial Services Committee toward Mr. Liddy today was absolutely reprehensible and borders on McCarthyism.

Take Rep. Barney Frank’s request to make public the names, amounts, and addresses tied to retention bonuses, in complete disregard for the safety of these people, most of whom have done absolutely nothing wrong:

Finally, for your consideration is Rep. Stephen Lynch. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a more disgusting display from any elected official than the show Mr. Lynch put on today. Mr. Lynch represents the underbelly of the political beast- hatred-laced, politically-charged rhetoric that sets our Democracy back decades with every word spoken.

You’re welcome.

My new favorite Democrat Evan Bayh is making me proud once again. Today, Bayh announced that he and 14 other Democrats are breaking free from the tractor beams of Team Pelosi to form a moderate group of Democrats to tilt the balance in the Senate.

It remains to be seen what this group will actually do and how moderate they’re willing to be, but it’s a start considering how partisan the Senate is today. More importantly, it’s further proof that the far left is crumbling. The damage from just a few months of Liberal-palooza will be long-lasting but it’s clear the tide is starting to turn toward rationality for the mid-term elections.

You’re Welcome.

Many of you still are trusting enough to pledge unlimited amounts of other peoples’ tax dollars to these people. I give you Republican Senator Chuck Grassley.

Grassley is from Iowa so he’s a bit folksy. Folksy enough to probably say “crick” instead of “creek” for that little stream that meanders down yonder. Based on his most recent comments, he either applied that verbal flim-flam or he’s into tax-payer porn.

In a presser yesterday, he said and I quote “suckin’ the tit of the taxpayer”. Don’t believe it? Here you go.

You are very welcome.

With the release of the 2009 NCAA tournament field and the 2009 Culture Bracket over at thebiglead.com, the discussion always turns to who was left out.

Here are some notable teams left out of the culture bracket- leave any suggestions you have in the comments:

*Rihanna vs. Octomom

*Fox News vs. MSNBC

*Jim Cramer vs. sanity

*Rush Limbaugh vs. Barack Obama

*Nancy Pelosi vs. the voices in her head

*Plaxico Burress vs. undamaged leg tissue

*Spring training vs. Spring football

*Spend-happy Democrats vs. Spend-happy Republicans

*Joe the Plumber vs. Joe Dirt

*Glenn Beck vs. the apocalypse

*Global warming vs. my natural gas bills

*Bernie Madoff’s prison cell vs. the guest bathroom in his penthouse

You’re welcome.

Hope you get in a little dance today.

You’re welcome.