The very best physical comedians can make “uncomfortable” look effortless. This guy does just that, though I’m sure part of it is he really is a little uncomfortable in front of the camera. The whole video is absolutely brilliant, as seen on Funnyordie.com and MagicHugs.com. Enjoy:

The list of items to blog about from the Thursday AP article regarding college football’s coaches poll going covert in 2010 is vast. The change happening in 2010 is that the final Coaches’ poll will be secret- that is to say that we won’t get a chance to see the coaches’ final ballot as we do today.

The American Football Coaches Association (AFCA) asked Gallup to study the poll and make recommendations about how to make it more credible and accurate. This alone provides further proof that it’s not that the powers in college football don’t care about fixing the game, it’s that they have no f-ing idea what the problems really are.

Never mind that coaches will be the first to admit that they don’t regularly watch games of teams in their own conference unless they’re playing them the following week, let alone games of other teams out of conference that are top-25 caliber. Never mind that little detail, instead, let’s hire Gallup to look at the “figures”.

I imagine a room full of old white guys and the conversation going a lil’ something like this:

Thurston: “My great great grandson tells me our poll isn’t on the up-and-up.”

Winthorp: “Here, here. Whiskey Sours for all!”

Here’s a modern day re-creation between me and a buddy of mine of that same meeting as we’re driving down the street (the car is a metaphor for college football):

Me: “Bro- the number 5 button on my car stereo presets is busted.”

Bro: (catches on fire)

By all means AFCA, go ahead and cloak the final coaches’ poll in a shroud of darkness; that oughta right the ship. Morons.

Other recommendations by Gallup include looking into reducing the poll to 10 or 15 teams plus eliminating the pre-season poll. Any amount over $1 that the AFCA paid for the study should be classified as a “financial gift” for tax purposes. What a waste of time and money.

Putting a bow on the entire ridiculous exercise was Michigan Coach Rich Rodriguez. When asked about the change, Rich Rod responded:

“By keeping things confidential, I think there will be less hidden agendas.”

First of all RR- it’s fewer hidden agendas, not less hidden agendas. Secondly, by keeping the votes confidential it increases the chances for hidden agendas, not decreases it.

All of this is precisely why nothing gets fixed in college football and why I’m half a step from declaring my allegiance for the NFL- free agency, primadonna players, useless pre-season games, sucky overtime rules all be damned.

You’re welcome.

In 1788 Alexander Hamilton wrote:

“A Constitution is, in fact, and must be regarded by the judges, as a fundamental law. It therefore belongs to them to ascertain its meaning, as well as the meaning of any particular act proceeding from the legislative body. If there should happen to be an irreconcilable variance between the two, that which has the superior obligation and validity ought, of course, to be preferred; or, in other words, the Constitution ought to be preferred to the statute.”

That statement is in stark contrast to the bloviating wussification seen in the video below (from Politico.com). The role of Supreme Court Justices is to interpret the Constitution of the United States. Period.

You’re welcome.

Much was made of Joe Paterno’s comments prior to Big Ten meetings last month about him calling for a 12th team to be added to the league. He took that one step further Wednesday while being interviewed at a Penn State alumni function.

According to the Associated Press story, when asked about which team to add as the 12th, JoePa said “If I had my choice, someone that can give us the biggest TV exposure in the East, Syracuse, Pitt, Rutgers. Not in that order.”

Paterno opposes consideration of Notre Dame as the 12th team saying “…they’ve had their chance.”

I say the old coot is still pretty lucid and kudos to him for trying to talk some sense into the Big Ten, home of many of the biggest obstructionists in college football.

I like the idea of Rutgers or Syracuse as well, but if there ever was a time to make a deal with Notre Dame, that time would be now. The program’s on the wrong side of the bell curve and with a string of coach hiring mistakes, the alumni have to be getting restless. The TV deal with NBC, which was extended to 2015 last year, would need to be dealt with.

None of it will get done though, JoePa’s comments not withstanding. The Big Ten has been and continues to be stuck in the year 1990, thanks in part to people like Commissioner Jim Delany. A 12th team isn’t going to happen; the massive layoff between the end of the Big Ten season and the National Championship game will remain; and the conference will continue to stand in the way of a college football playoff.

You’re welcome.

I’m curious just how long Team Obama is willing to let “diplomacy” play out in North Korea. Do they wait to do anything substantial until the first missile is fired into South Korean airspace? Do they wait until North Korea performs a third underground nuclear test? Oh wait, I know- Obama inherited this problem too so we need to be extra patient here as well.

Spare me.

The last thirty days have seen some disturbing developments internationally. North Korea tested short range missiles and released what was reported as a 10 to 20 kiloton nuclear bomb in an underground test. In typical impotent fashion, the UN Security Council threatened sanctions, similar to what was already put in place in 2006 following North Korea’s first nuclear test.

In response, North Korea warned that South Korea’s participation in any sanctions would be considered a declaration of war, and would be met with retaliation. The quote from North Korea’s news ministry (according to Foxnews) was:

“Those who provoke (North Korea) once will not be able to escape its unimaginable and merciless punishment.”

North Korea also said they are no longer honoring the 1953 armistice that ended the Korean War. Secretary Clinton’s response is that North Korea is acting in a “…provocative and belligerent manner”. Oooooooooohhhh snap.

The good news is that Russia and China, both on the side of North Korea, have publicly condemned the nuclear test. It’s window dressing though as it’s highly unlikely China will actually do anything to talk North Korea down off the ledge.

Meanwhile in another part of the world, Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called President Obama out asking for a debate of global security issues on the floor of the UN. And regarding the possibility of Iran abandoning their uranium enrichment programs, Ahmadinejad replied that the nuclear issue “is closed”.

God help us all if Team Obama is willing to let blood spill before taking action greater than a thesis paper and a slap on the wrist.

Definitely one of the better Shamwow parodies, as seen over at funnyordie.com. Happy Wednesday to you. Enjoy:

From funnyordie.com, and NSFW-language, one credit card company responds to the bill passed in Congress last week. In reality, the bill will do little to protect consumers and will actually make credit harder to get and more expensive, but reality went out the window a long time ago in this country. Hilarious video though. Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

This Friday, ABC (Un-Broke) is taking a pop approach to financial education through a bunch of celebrities.

It’s quite insulting to be lectured by a bunch of people who make way too much money for doing way too little, but I’m in support of financial education any way it comes. Hope the show is half as good as the Seth Green clip below. Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

Not in my backyard. That’s what people often shout out of one side of their mouth while screaming for additional oil and ethanol refineries from the other side. That same sentiment applies to the current Gitmo debate where Democrats before, during, and after the election have insisted on closing Guantánamo Bay, regardless of where the detainees should end up.

I’ve got a simple solution for the blue-blood Democrats in California and New York that so ardently support closure of Guantánamo Bay- put your money where your mouth is.

You want Gitmo closed, the detainees there aren’t going to the Supermax facility in Colorado or any of the Federal facilities with Supermax capabilities in the heartland. Those detainees are going to Corcoran or Atwater in California or Sing Sing or Attica in New York.

You also want those detainees tried in Federal courts? Those trials are taking place in New York and California as well. Not in Ohio or Illinois or Georgia or anywhere else.

Now let’s have the discussion about what to do with all those suspected terrorists.

You’re welcome.

Jordanesque. I think that’s the most appropriate way to describe Lebron James’ game-winning shot Friday night. Down 1-0 in the series, down two points at home with exactly one second remaining, Lebron took the inbounds pass and nailed the game-winning three, with two defenders in his face.

The shot was not just a game-winner but a series-salvager. Had they lost, the Cavs would have been down 0-2 heading to Orlando for games 3 & 4. A sweep would have been imminent, but now Cleveland has new life thanks to the King. Simply amazing.

You’re welcome.

The Obama -v- Cheney national security speech-off from yesterday via Jon Stewart and Laura Ingraham. (Title taken via Stewart’s clip- brilliant line).

For the record, Cheney’s speech was scheduled weeks ago, Team Obama staged their speech on top of Cheney’s in yet another example of political gamesmanship, which Obama insists he’s in favor of stopping.

The recipe for Obama was the same as it is for nearly all of his speeches- empty rhetoric, soaring teleprompter-fed prose, and complete and utter hypocrisy (saying one thing and doing another). Cheney was surprisingly lucid, inflammatory at times, and completely defensive toward a President that’s highly interested in extending the blame game as long as the center of the country will allow it.

Obama continues in prime campaign form- speaking in idealistic generalities without providing real answers. For most of the country that continues to be all they need to give them comfort. Cheney was what he needed to be: specific, defensive and very direct.

It’s unorthodox for the previous Vice President to assert himself so prominently into the national discussion, but I couldn’t be happier given that it’s practically June and President Obama still leads off most addresses with “I was handed this mess…”.

Laura Ingraham:

Jon Stewart:

You’re welcome.

Finally, some NHL rule changes I can get on board with. Enjoy:

NHL Eliminates Sticks, Expands Goal Zone To Encourage More Touchdowns

You’re welcome.

Worth watching, if for nothing more than to see Tom Hanks parody himself. Enjoy!

I’m in New York City for business and stumbled across this sign in Grand Central Station. Not just in Grand Central Station, but in the bathroom at Grand Central Station. Take note of the second restriction. Gotta’ love New York.

You’re welcome.

..see what happened was, I was not briefed…I was not briefed that, I was only informed that they were briefed that…errr….let me check my notes….dammit….why aren’t my robotic lenses reading this right…..errrr….liar, liar, pants on fire…..errr…..system malfunction….robot shutdown.

I heart Nancy Pelosi. Only in America could somebody so dim ascend to the head of the party of academia.

Torturegate took a bizarre twist with Nancy Pelosi accusing the CIA of misleading Congress (repeatedly) on interrogation tactics. And Team Obama has clearly cut the tether and is letting the Speaker blow in the wind. And it is spellbinding to watch.

Just days earlier, Obama recoiled on the decision to release interrogation photos, which was in and of itself a striking political move. Obama either has come to the realization that those photos will put our soldiers abroad further in harms way, or he’s fine letting Anti-American Anthony Romero and the ACLU battle the matter out.

The spin from the other side is below for your viewing pleasure as well, including Howard Fineman saying Pelosi’s stumbling at the dais was from exhaustion. Nope- she’s just a moron Howard.

And Olberdouche is a hypocrite of epic proportions letting Pelosi’s performance slide. Had it been George Bush or any Republican staggering and stammering at the podium, he would have spent the better part of an entire episode skewering them and imposing his intellectual will. Instead, a pass. What an ass.

So I can go officially on the record, waterboarding as it was prescribed is not torture. It was interrogation of suspected terrorists following the worst single attack on American soil in our country’s history. The memos state the waterboarding was to occur in 20 to 40 second increments for no more than 20 minutes in aggregate and a physician was to be present to monitor the health of the detainee. That’s not torture and politicians claiming it is are playing dangerous political games and preying on the uninformed portion of the public.

Lopping off a detainees finger is torture. Gouging out one of their eyes is torture. This scene from Casino Royale is torture.

You’re welcome.

Like him or not, Donald Trump turns everything into a spectacle. Media whoring is a skill, and he is possibly the most-skilled of anyone in the U.S. at whipping media and quasi media into a frenzy. Witness the fabricated scandal of a beauty queen showing her back and the sides of boobies.

It’s not just Trump being able to command the media like a snake charmer, but his use of language that is so compelling. Everything in his world is ground-breaking, described in a manner that even the way he brushes his teeth is revolutionary and never before seen in this world.

Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

Courtesy of Jimmy Kimmel, we give you unnecessary censorship. Enjoy:

You’re welcome

In honor of Star Trek’s opening this past weekend, here’s the Death Star sending a candygram to the Enterprise. And in Marin County, California apparently, if I’m placing the location correctly. Thanks to Uncle Morty for the find.

Here are some entertaining comment posts from Entertainment Weekly.com about the vid:

From “Tulkas”:

The Death-star’s main weapon fires at less than the speed of light, and only from one side of the ship; it’s other weapons couldn’t even keep up with rocket-powered fighters. The Enterprise, meanwhile, moves faster than the speed of flight, and so do its weapons. It could simply run circles around the Death Star and pelt it to pieces.

From “Doug”:

The federation will blow away the Empire. They have warp speed that will allow their starships to simply move out of the way of the Empire’s lasers. They have shields which provide much better protection that the “blast shields” of the Empire. Photon torpedoes utilize anti-matter that can lay waste to an entire planet. They have transporters that can also be used. Their sensors are much better. However, I do believe hyperspace travel allows the empire to travel farther.

And finally, from “shreve town ghost walker”:

All of this is really a moot point. Star Trek is the fantasy vision of Gene Roddenberry, nothing more than a science fiction story. As we all know, Star Wars is history, it really happened “A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away.” They couldn’t put that in the film if is wasn’t true.

Enjoy:

Laid low this weekend recovering from a cold; we’ll get back up to speed later this afternoon. In the meantime, check out the big brain on James:

Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee

You’re welcome.

This is apparently a couple of months old, but the first time I’ve seen it. Happy Friday and be careful out there.

You’re welcome.

In case you missed it, here’s the sitdown TP had with Herbstreit on ESPN this week during Herbie’s Quarterback week interviews. Interesting comments about midway through regarding Michigan players e-mailing TP. Hard to believe those guys would talk any smack at all given recent history. Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

Dateline: Bowen, Australia

That’s right, spiders almost as big as this girl

According to a report, giant bird-eating tarantulas are popping up in public spots all over Bowen Australia. “Bird-eating” and “tarantula” shouldn’t ever, I repeat ever be used together.

The report says the spiders are bigger than an adult male’s hand, so big that the legs of the spider would hang over the side if a man was holding it. There are only three things that should be described as “hanging over the sides” of a man’s palm- stacks of cash, cheeseburgers, and breasts.

This story has prompted Australia to drop a few spots on my “places I’d like to visit” list. Conversely though, it’s gone up a few spots on my “places to walk around with a loaded cross-bow” list.

You’re welcome.

From Sportsbybrooks.com, we bring you the next chain in the ultra-specialized “wings & boobs” restaurant niche. Read on for the story; here’s the news video:

You’re welcome.

Call it serendipity. While watching the Cavs-Hawks game tonight, I received the following video from my brother. Straight up comedy gold, especially the tag line. Enjoy:

From the Onion.com, the economic impact on our prisons. NSFW. Enjoy:

Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Exceeds Two Hand Jobs