There are certain videos that written introduction simply doesn’t do justice. Such a video follows. Enjoy!

Youtube version with different camera angles!:

You’re welcome.

Dateline: Oakland, California

I’ve been on some entertaining Southwest flights before, but none as entertaining as Southwest 947 which departed from Oakland on the morning of August 20th. According to reports, a 6′1″ 300 pound 21-year old man exposed himself shortly after takeoff.

The woman next to him started screaming at which point he allegedly punched her. The individual then hit/slapped another woman, hit that woman’s husband on the top of the head, muttered jibberish, at some point took off the rest of his clothes, took a swing at a flight attendant, sat back down and vomited. And I’m guessing all while the seat belt sign was still illuminated.

Apparently all of that is illegal and the perp will stand trial for various infractions that the judge should have a hard time not giggling about.

One has to question the direction of the country when a regular dude can’t just strip naked and start punching his seat partner. Call it further wussification of America. I can think of at least a half dozen people that I’ve sat next to that fully merited me stripping naked and slapping them a couple of times. I’m just not that motivated.

I’d like to see it taken a step further. This behavior should be codified in the next Passenger Bill of Rights along with two free copies of SkyMall magazine for all and regulations to ensure airplane bathrooms are used for # 1 only. Nancy Pelosi- make it happen. For the good of America.

You’re welcome.

As was announced earlier this week, the Ohio State-USC match up on September 12th will be broadcast in 3D in three separate locations. The airing is part of continuing experimentation ESPN is doing on what it takes to broadcast football in 3D.

The direct application of this in theaters isn’t plausible since theaters don’t sell beer or hot wings, but if the end product is intended for televisions, so be it. To help you make up your mind about whether or not this will be useful technology, I present point and counterpoint for the upcoming OSU-USC game:

Point - Storied rivalry and contemporary powers battling in 3D
Counterpoint - Potential for 3D-glasses-vision-impaired inappropriate contact while trying to fist bump your buddies

Point - Erin Andrews in 3D
Counterpoint - Brent Musberger in 3D

Point - Script Ohio in 3D
Counterpoint - The OSU passing game in 3D

Point - The potential for a glorious Ohio State victory in 3D
Counterpoint - The potential for another asskicking at the hands of USC, this time in 3D

Point - See glorious Ohio Stadium like you’re virtually there
Counterpoint - Not actually being there

You’re welcome.

A reality show I bet you didn’t even know existed, “More to Love”, as seen through the Soup on E. Happy Wednesday. Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

As I turn yet more of my limited attention span to college football, it’s time for the annual pre-season look at out-of-conference schedules. Thanks to a continued lack of a playoff in D-I, quality scheduling continues to have much more influence on “who’s ranked where” than it should. And several top ten teams should be full out embarrassed by the slate of pansies on the home sched.

First let me give credit where credit is due. Ohio State and USC obviously deserve mention for scheduling the home-and-home with each other, the back half of that coming this year in Columbus. Oklahoma also gets credit for not only having the University of Miami but also BYU on the schedule. Alabama and Virginia Tech also get points for playing each other.

Oklahoma State gets credit for scheduling Georgia. They’ve got I-AA Grambling State but at least that team went 11-2 last year. The Cowboys also have Houston (7-5) and Rice (9-3). The pokes also have the distinction of being the only team with a non-conference slate of teams that all had winning records last year. To be expected of course since Mike Gundy is a man and 41 and all.

Several teams once again have I-AA teams on the docket including Florida (Charleston Southern), Alabama (Chattanooga), Ole Miss (Southeastern Louisiana), and Penn State (Eastern Illinois).

There are many contenders for the cupcake title this year, too many in fact to name a champion. Instead let’s start at the top with top-ranked Florida. In addition to the aforementioned I-AA Charleston Southern, the Gators also have Troy (8-5 last year), Florida International (5-7) and of course Florida State (9-4). Sure they get credit for playing FSU but that’s a rivalry game and not a game they initiated.

#2 Texas has an equally ridiculous schedule, if not more so. The Longhorns have Louisiana-Monroe (4-8), Wyoming (4-8), UTEP (5-7), and Central Florida (4-8). That’s a combined 2008 record of 17-31.

Penn State should feel filthy dirty for their scheduling efforts: Akron (5-7), Syracuse (3-9), Temple (5-7), and I-AA Eastern Illinois (5-7). The Lion roar should be disabled for those games unless JoePa decides to sit the starters after the 1st quarter.

LSU is taking the in-state opponent theory to a whole new level, though I can’t totally fault them in a post-Katrina Louisiana. Les’ boys have Louisiana-Lafayette (6-6), Tulane (2-10), Louisiana Tech (7-5), plus Pac-10 Washington that was 0-12 last year.

Getting back to the Sooners, OU has the U plus BYU as mentioned, plus Idaho State (1-11) and Tulsa (4-6).

Ole Miss has Memphis (6-6), I-AA Southeastern Louisiana (5-7), UAB (4-8) and Northern Arizona (6-5).

With 8 conference games, USC only has three non-conference opponents- Ohio State, San Jose State (6-6) and of course the juggernaut Notre Dame (6-6).

Finally, the Buckeyes while having a good looking non-conference schedule on paper, don’t entirely escape the Cupcake lens. USC (11-1) and Navy (8-4) are quality opponents to be sure, but Toledo and New Mexico State both finished 3-9 last year so unfortunately shouldn’t materialize into too stiff a test.

You’re welcome.

Photo: MCT Direct

The college football season is a mere 12 days away from starting (woohoo) so time to work through some two-a-day blogs and get you caught up on some news and notes…

Dateline: America
The pre-season AP poll was released today and the top 7 is identical to the Coaches’ poll. The only slight discrepancy in the polls is the level of pre-season awesomeness attributed to Florida, with the Gators getting 58 of 60 first place votes in the AP vs. only 53 of 59 in the Coaches (punks). Ohio State is # 6 in both polls, just behind Alabama and just ahead of Virginia Tech in both.

I don’t care much for pre-season polls; they help early game ratings (I suppose), but beyond that aren’t worth much. Look no further than Notre Dame at a consensus 23rd in both polls and Michigan getting votes in both (but not placing) to articulate the silliness of pre-season vote-getting.

Dateline: Gainesville, Florida
Tim Tebow’s back is sore, apparently from holding the weight of Gator nation on his shoulders. According to reports, Tebow was held out of contact drills because of a sore lower back, but Coach Urban Meyer was quoted today as saying Tebow is “fine, 100 percent”.

That’s 100% on a human scale, 60% on the Tebow scale. Tebow is of course part super-human football robot, part Brangelina demi-god, part chaste super-leader. His 60% is as good as any other man’s 100%.

Ok, fine. If you insist:

Dateline: Columbus, Ohio and St. Petersburg, Florida
The Tyler Moeller saga continues with this and this both relating further details of the incident that likely will cost Moeller the entire 2010 season.

The loss to the Buckeyes is large- I expected Moeller to be the leading tackler this year and provide tremendous leadership to the defense. It doesn’t rise to the loss of Sean Lee for Penn State last year, but pretty damn close. All the more pressure on the D-Line to produce pressure and sacks.

Dateline: Columbus, Ohio
The injury bug looks to be catching up with the Buckeyes this year, and at the wrong position. With the aforementioned injury to Tyler Moeller, reports this week that both Austin Spitler and Ross Homan both went down in practice in separate incidents. All three of those injuries put Freshmen and Sophomores into the 2-deep which isn’t a comforting feeling with USC three weeks away. If there is a silver lining, it’s that all of this has happened now vs. the week of the USC game, still, several young linebackers are going to need to mature very quickly.

Dateline: Cleveland, Ohio
The annual ritual of hoping that a Tight End will be used for more than blocking in a Coach Tressel offense has surfaced. This time in the Cleveland Plain Dealer courtesy of Doug Lemerises. I’ll believe it when I see it, and will remain hopeful that either Jake (Stoneburner or Ballard) will catch the winning touchdown against USC.

Dateline: Las Vegas, Nevada
Ohio State is an early 22.5 point favorite over Navy in the opener. The Bucks are also an early 3.5 point favorite over USC- generous in my opinion even with the standard 3 points for the home team.

and finally…
Dateline: Southern California, where dreams are made
Expected starting USC QB Aaron Corp is reportedly recovering nicely from a broken bone in his left leg but according to Coach Pete Carroll, he might not be the starter against San Jose State in their opener. Not that QB even matters for USC since they can just direct snap to any one of their 45 blue-chip running backs, but the injury and timetable is eerily similar to Matt Sanchez’ injury last year (someone stole his knee cap). That injury you’ll recall was followed up by a thorough thrashing of the Buckeyes, one I’ll never forget (ever). Let’s hope this injury ends better for the Buckeyes.

You’re welcome.

Two videos for you today- both from my “best of” list. First one is a tribute to the sick tubing I did yesterday on the water; second is simply in honor of the Criss Angel Mindfreak clip I caught on the hotel TV last week while on the road. Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

I’m on vacation this week so half-assing the website a bit. Here’s another gem from onion.com. Enjoy:

Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village

Time for some more auto-tune the news. These guys are brilliant.

You’re welcome.

With the Cash for Clunkers program getting an additional infusion of $2 billion last week, I thought it might be interesting to look at actual taxpayer impact for the program.

Before I get to the numbers, here’s a “did you know” for you: Did you know $50 million was allocated for administration of the cash for clunkers program. That’s $50 million to manage a short-term (ends November, 2009) mostly paper process. I don’t know why that kind of waste doesn’t piss more taxpayers off, but it should. I’ll volunteer to manage the next round of the program for $10 million and then retire with the remaining $40 million on some island.

Now to the numbers.

*$3 billion of total allocation to the program, $2,850,000,000 net if you assume $150 million for “administration”.

*If you assume $4,000 average per recipient (average of $4,500 and $3,500 stipends), that’s 712,500 people that will benefit from yours and mine generosity.

*According to the most recent tax statistics, there are 138 million tax filers in the United States. If you subtract the aforementioned 712,500 from that number, that leaves a net of 137,287,500 taxpayers left to pay the bill for the $3 billion program.

*If you divide the $3 billion by the 137 million or so taxpayers, you get an individual or family contribution of $21.85 for the program. $22 doesn’t sound like a lot but how would you feel if you got shorted $20 on a withdrawal from your bank. Or how about if you got overcharged $22 on your groceries.

What does it all mean?

I’m not benefiting from the program, neither are my neighbors; chances are yours aren’t either. What it means is that my neighborhood (which is a small one) consisting of about 150 homes is pooling their money together to fund a new car for somebody. And so is the neighborhood next to ours, and so on, and so on.

Now consider the hard numbers regarding impact to the auto industry. Congress would have you believe that the Cash for Clunkers is a lifeline- salvation for a struggling industry. In reality, it’s little more than another wealth redistribution scheme (see prior paragraph).

2008 U.S. auto sales was 13.2 million, 3 million off the 16 million from 2007. Assuming all 712,500 Cash for Clunkers sales are incremental and not already planned purchases (a false assumption to be sure), that figure represents only a 5.4% boost to annual sales based on 2008 figures. If you use the 16 million from 2007, that’s only a 4.4% increase. Considering sales look to be off 20-30% that’s hardly the type of salvation the industry needs.

What the auto industry needs is a healthy, vibrant economy free from government interference. Unfortunately what they’re getting is scraps and handouts and false economic theory. And a short term boost that I fear will end up doing more harm than good to the industry itself.

But by all means- enjoy your new car. And my $22.

You’re welcome.

Got some camping in again over the weekend. Now that I’ve got a night of good sleep and a good shower, this video is how I feel (thanks to Uncle Morty for the tip):

You’re welcome.

Set aside whatever social differences you may have with Conservatives- abortion, gay rights, defense, death penalty, illegal immigration, etc. Do that and then watch this video.

After watching, justify to me why the buffoons in Washington exerting ever greater control over your life is a good thing. I dare you. Even the most intellectual Liberal elite can’t justify more power and control in the hands of these people- that’s why all politicians, left, right, and middle, resort to scare tactics.

May God have mercy on the Republic.

You’re welcome.

I’m slowly getting back into shape for football season and can think of no more painful way than to throw some salt in the 2006 National Championship Game wound that still hasn’t healed.

In fact, I don’t think it’s too irrational to blame Ohio State’s big game troubles over the last three years entirely on Tim Tebow (ok, maybe a little irrational). Had Tim Tebow chosen Alabama instead of Florida, a Tebow-less Gator team (aka the Chris Leak show) surely wouldn’t have made the NC, let alone won it in such disturbing fashion.

No, instead Tebow went to Florida and that stunning ass-kicking delivered by the Gators shook the very foundation of the Buckeye program creating confusion, recoil, and much collective looking in the mirror.

It’s with that context that I look to the 2009 football season which is now mere weeks away from kicking off. Get ready to hear plenty of this (credit to edsbs.com for first vid):

Y’all remember those comfy assurances then candidate Obama gave about not raising taxes on any Americans except the evil ones that are successful?

Funny enough- we’re all already paying higher taxes since he stepped into office, but the real fun is around the corner- thanks to drunken Social spending and as forewarned by Tim Geithner in this gem.

I don’t suggest eating anything before, during, or shortly after you watch this. Wretching to commence shortly:

You’re welcome.

Thrusting radical Socialism down the throats of Americans works until people wake up. Looks like Americans are finally starting to get it and I couldn’t be prouder.

Here’s some of the coverage from Philly this weekend where Kathleen Sibelius and Arlen Specter get completely nailed. As ugly as the scene is, I’m shocked they actually stuck around to answer questions. They sputter and spew but can’t come up with real answers to the statements and questions made/posed by the crowd.

Enjoy:

You’re welcome.