Here’s Dan Rubenstein’s post game tailgate, episode 4. Line of the day: “…Penn State’s Iowa game plan involving a make-believe spread offense and lots of white cotton t-shirts needs a little work.” Enjoy:

Lots of changes thanks to the collapse of several former darlings. Should the season end today, here are your first round Ocho match ups:

#8 LSU @ #1 Florida
#7 Oklahoma @ #2 Alabama
#6 Iowa @ #3 Texas
#5 Boise State @ #4 Virginia Tech

You’re welcome.

Following up on the questions leading into the weekend…

1. Which top ten team is going to lose this week? Turns out four- Mississippi, Cal, Penn State and Miami. That’s ten top 10 teams that have lost in the first four weeks of the 2009 college football season.

2. Which Juice Williams is coming to Columbus Saturday? Bad Juice was on the drink menu Saturday. 13-for-25 passing for 77 yards, 0 touchdowns, 2 interceptions, and worst of all only 18 yards rushing on 15 carries (and one of those carries was for 16 yards so you do the math). The loss could have been Illinois’ Waterloo as the sledding doesn’t get much easier- Penn State and Michigan State in consecutive weeks with Michigan and Cincinnati still looming. We’re going to find out next week if Coach Zook has lost the team or not.

3. Is this the year Steve Spurrier gets fired at South Carolina? Largely under the national media radar is the incredible mediocrity Spurrier has achieved at South Carolina. Spurrier is in his 5th year at SC posting previous records of 7-5, 8-5, 6-6 and 7-6, and not finishing any of those four season ranked in the top 25. The ‘ole ball coach is banking $1.75 million per year and has a current deal through 2012. The difficulty in the SEC and his Gator legacy aside, SS better start winning some games. Tonight would be a great place to start- at home against # 4 Mississippi. 7:30pm, ESPN. Ole Miss favored by 4. Update: what do you know- the ‘ole ball coach still has a few tricks left in the bag. The offense continues to be painful to watch, but the defense did a number on Mississippi.

4. Why isn’t Mark Dantonio following the Michigan State handbook? Sparty lost another crusher, this one wasn’t as close as the previous two though. Dantonio and company are in serious danger of going 1-8 or 2-7 with Michigan, Illinois, Northwestern, Iowa and Minnesota in consecutive weeks.

5. Let down time for the Wolverines? Michigan should take care of Indiana at home this Saturday handily (Noon, ESPN2), but this is precisely the kind of game that tests the maturity of a very young team. Update: It sure did test a young Michigan team. The Wolverines didn’t even come close to covering the spread, escaping Bloomington with a 3-point victory. And they needed some help from the referees at the end of the game to stop another Indiana drive. Michigan continues to get torched on defense, ranking 92nd in pass defense and 69th in rush D. Up next for team blue is Michigan State.

6. How white can it get? Turned out to be more blue than white. Unless you’re living under a rock, you know Iowa beat Penn State again.

Looks like they need more cowbell…

What was really surprising was how the Penn State offensive line was completely manhandled by Iowa, particularly on the ends. The Penn State defense performed pretty well in the 1st half but really got pushed around in the 2nd half. The Nits will need to hug it out this week because they’ve got a crumbling Illinois team to face at Illinois on Saturday that could be capable of everything or nothing.

7. Is this the game where it starts going downhill for Notre Dame? Unfortunately not. Thanks to Danny Hope and the Purdue candy stripers, Notre Dame marches on to glorified mediocrity.

8. Hammer or Mallett? Alabama brought the hammer on Mallett making him look like a Playskool toy. Alabama held Mallett to 12-for-35 passing on the way to a 35-7 win. I’m officially on the ‘Bama train, unless they lose to Kentucky this weekend.

9. This game just doesn’t feel right not being played on Thursday night. You know how this one turned out- Virginia Tech completely destroyed Miami, sending them back to 2006 or so.

10. How will Cal fare over a tricky four-pack? After surviving a scrappy Minnesota team last week in Minneapolis, # 6 Cal goes to Oregon to face a wounded Ducks program with infinite uniform choices. If they beat Oregon, they go back home for USC and then play at UCLA. Sound the upset alarm big time. After losing to Boise State in week 1, Oregon got back on the saddle by squeaking by Purdue and beating Utah by a touchdown. If the Ducks are to pull the upset, they’ll need a much better than usual performance from QB Jeremiah Masoli. Update: You know how this one went too- Oregon dismantled Cal. To say that Jeremiah Masoli played well would be an understatement: 21-for-25 passing for 253 yards, 3 touchdowns, 0 interceptions. Next up for Cal- USC. Oregon gets Washington State.

11. Over or under? The o/u was 73; the total points scored was 57. Go figure that one out. Neither team looked particularly impressive to me, but Houston is all but assured of a BCS berth with that win. Unless of course if Boise State remains ahead of them in the polls.

12. Will Cincinnati go undefeated in 2009? It looks like they might. The Bearcats now stand at 4-0 and don’t have a single ranked team on their schedule. The stiffest remaining tests look to be South Florida and Illinois.

13. Who’s going to win the battle of the little Pac-10 team that could? Stanford knocked off Washington 34-14. Stanford has an intriguing matchup this weekend with UCLA followed by consecutive roadies to Oregon State and Arizona. They finish with Oregon, USC, Cal and Notre Dame.

14. Can Mississippi State find their rush defense and upset # 7 LSU at home (Saturday noon, ESPN360, Gameplan)? Yes and no. MSU held LSU to a season low 31 yards rushing, but got stuffed on a goal line stand in the 4th quarter to end the game in a loss. MSU nearly overcame four turnovers as well, but in the end left a story of what could have been on the field in Oxford.

You’re welcome.

Entered into evidence as exhibit 7,544 as proof that human polls in college football are suckish, I present to you the 2009 Iowa Hawkeyes.

Iowa is 4-0 and ranked 17th in the latest Coaches poll just released today. Sounds reasonable enough- after all, this is the same Iowa team that squeaked by with a one point victory over I-AA Northern Iowa in game one. That’s pretty sketchy. We can’t have a team like that in the top ten. Notice the irony that I’m actually giving the coaches credit for knowing that Iowa snuck by a I-AA team in game one, when in reality if pressed, my guess is less than 20% would know that.

It turns out though that the I-AA Northern Iowa team is actually pretty decent so far with a 3-1 record. It also turns out that Iowa State and Arizona, both teams Iowa beat, are both 3-1. In fact- every team that Iowa has beaten so far is 3-1. I’m sure the coaches know that already though so I’m not really dropping any knowledge on them.

Let’s take a look at some of the other data points just for fun- I’m sure the coaches know something I don’t.

Sagarin for example. The Sagarin rankings are a BCS component and helpful in these circumstances. Actually, that doesn’t help at all because Iowa is 5th in the Sagarin rankings. We better throw that figure out all together because his computer model is obviously flawed.

Let’s take a deeper dive into the coaches poll, shall we?

There are three schools ahead of Iowa that are from “non-BCS-automatically-qualifying-schools”- Houston, TCU and Boise State. Those teams can play some pretty serious football so no worries there. Plus- we’ve kept them down for a couple of years so they deserve a little fluffing.

There are seven teams ranked ahead of Iowa that have a loss. Georgia lost to Oklahoma State and Oklahoma State lost to Houston and all those teams are ahead of Iowa so that makes sense. If you’re high maybe.

And at #13; who’s at #13 in the coaches poll? Why, it’s Penn State. That’s odd. The very same team that undefeated Iowa just beat in State College at night, in the middle of a driving rain storm, with a white out no less. The lion roar, and the old guy, and the creamery, and Paternoville. They beat all that. Couldn’t be. There must be a reason for all of that to be four spots ahead of Iowa.

Turns out what really happened is that Iowa wasn’t ranked last week, and the coaches (or the S.I.D.’s) can’t be wrong, so they can’t take a team from outside the top 25 one week to inside the top 10 the next. That just wouldn’t be right.

Just like ranking an undefeated team behind the one-loss team it just beat at their place and behind six other one-loss teams and behind three non-BCS-automatically-qualifying-schools. Oh, that just doesn’t seem right either. How ever will we solve this dilemma?

Oh, I know. Let’s have a playoff bitches. Settle it on the field. What a novel idea.

You’re welcome.

So this is what parity looks like
Seven teams in the top 25 lost this weekend, six of those seven lost to unranked teams, four out of the top ten lost, and six other teams in the top 25 won by an average of only 4 points. That’s either half of the top 25 that either lost or barely won. The same isn’t likely to be repeated next weekend but there are still six or seven potential tricky matchups that could throw everything into a lurch yet again.

Thankfully, the Hurricane bullshit is over. For now.
Thanks to a 31-7 loss at the hands of an average Virginia Tech team, the hysteria over the “U” being back is at least temporarily subdued. I swore all last week if I heard one more analyst mention Jacory Harris I was going to put a size 10 1/2 through the television. Harris was all but invited to New York for the Heisman ceremonies by some people nationally. That exuberance has been tempered (thankfully) by a 9-for-25 performance with zero touchdowns and one interception.

I’m not saying Randy Shannon isn’t building something at a program that’s been a doormat for a few years, but let’s all chill the hell out. This article for example from last week’s Miami Herald titled “Odds Favor Hurricanes-Gators BCS Tilt”. Thank you BeamerBall for putting that nonsense to sleep for awhile.

Charlie Weis is a lucky bastard”
First, Michigan State gave Notre Dame a win (or at least avoidance of overtime) by throwing an interception in the end zone while only down by 3 at the end of the game.

This past Saturday night, another Big Ten team delivered a gift-wrapped favor for Team Weis. Down 21-17, Notre Dame had the ball 3rd and goal from the 2 with no timeouts and 36 seconds on the clock. Purdue Head Coach Danny Hope is such a swell guy he went ahead and used one of Purdue’s timeouts to make sure Notre Dame didn’t have to spike the ball on 3rd down to stop the clock.

Then, in another example of midwestern hospitality, Purdue went ahead and didn’t blitz a single defensive player giving Jimmy Clausen all the time he needed to throw a touchdown to Tight End Kyle Rudolph. He probably could have thrown ten touchdown passes in the time he had. Purdue fans are understandably upset. Coaches can’t necessarily win a football game but they sure can lose one. Coach Hope- that one’s on you bro.

LSU is about to get exposed
With upcoming games against Georgia, Florida and Alabama, LSU is going to fall fast. That is if their game against Mississippi State is any indication. Despite LSU getting 4 turnovers, they were still outgained and needed a goal line stand late in the 4th quarter to preserve the win against a 2-2 Mississippi State team. Make room in the top ten; LSU won’t be staying much longer.

You’re welcome.

Crisp fall Saturday and loads of high quality college football on the docket; doesn’t get much better than that. Thanks to double-line DVR’s in two rooms, I’m able to record and watch (after the fact) three games beside the one I’ll be watching.

10-Noon
Toggling back and forth between Gameday and Big Ten Network programming

Noon
Michigan State @ Wisconsin, ESPN (watching/flipping)
Indiana @ Michigan, ESPN2 (watching/flipping)
LSU @ Mississippi State, Gameplan (recording)
Fresno State @ Cincinnati, Gameplan (recording)

3:30pm
Illinois @ Ohio State, ABC (watching, drinking, cursing)
Arkansas @ Alabama, CBS (recording)
Cal @ Oregon, Gameplan (recording)
Miami @ Virginia Tech, Gameplan (recording, saying various anti-Miami chants)

6:00pm
Florida @ Kentucky, ESPN2 (casual flipping, mad props to my boy TL at Cornerback for Kentucky)

7:00pm
Arizona State @ Georgia, ESPNU (recording)

8:00pm
Iowa @ Penn State, ABC (watching/flipping/recording)
Notre Dame @ Purdue, ESPN (watching/flipping/recording)
Texas Tech @ Houston, ESPN2 (watching/flipping/recording)

9:oopm
Washington @ Stanford, FCS on Directv.

10:15pm
Pausing to think about how much of a gamer I am.
Washington State @ USC, FSN (watching/recording/sleeping if it gets ugly)

Go Buckeyes.

Buckeye nation has plenty to be optimistic about following the Toledo game and heading into Illinois this Saturday. When I go to my happy place, this is what I think about:

*This year’s edition of defensive line is the best we’ve had in a couple years and could go down as the best since the ‘02 line that had Will Smith, Kenny Peterson, Darrion Scott and Tim Anderson. The 2009 D line is getting consistent pressure while rushing only four, and sometimes only three. They’ve also got depth including surprises like true Freshman John Simon who’s made an immediate contribution. That frees the linebackers up to make plays and allows a dizzying combination of blitz packages. As Buckeye fans have seen all too well in National Championship games against Florida and LSU, a dominating defensive line is an absolute game-changer.

*Terrelle Pryor can be a good passer when he wants to be; excellent even. Trouble comes for TP when he forces throws into double/triple/quadruple coverage and/or when his mechanics break down. Unfortunately, those two things tend to occur when he’s pressured, which is a frequent occurrence the way the offensive line has played. The offensive line is young and inexperienced; thus as the line play improves, Pryor in turn will improve.

*Coach Tressel is a teacher. Like all good teachers, he’s also constantly learning. He may never relinquish offensive play calling duties but at least he’s shown he’s willing to modify what he’s doing. Baby steps to be sure, but we’ve got to start somewhere. The offensive playcalling showed positive progression against Toledo, and word even leaked that Assistant Head Coach/Receivers Coach Darrell Hazell was assisting in the play calling.

*The running back situation is fine. Boom Herron is taking heat early in the season from some people about not being able to break tackles. He can certainly be better at the line of scrimmage but the bigger issue is defenses don’t fear the pass. When that happens, the box gets awfully crowded and thus difficult for a back to do anything. As the passing attack diversifies, the running lanes will start to open up better. The consistency and flashes that Brandon Saine has shown are a huge plus, both running and catching. Add on to that what true Freshman Jordan Hall showed in mop up duty last week and the running game will be fine.

*The next stretch of schedule is very forgiving for a young team that needs to develop. After Illinois, the Buckeyes have road games at Indiana and Purdue plus home games against Wisconsin, Minnesota and New Mexico State, all before having to travel to State College to play Penn State at night. That gives the Buckeyes five average to below average opponents to work out the kinks before the Big Ten Championship game (de facto).

Ohio State vs. Illinois
Into Ohio Stadium comes a fragile Illinois program on Saturday. You have to go back to 2007 to understand the frail psyche.

2007 was the turnaround year for what was a 2-10 program in 2006. Illinois came into Ohio Stadium in November with a 7-3 record and a chip on their shoulder. That team beat an undefeated, #1-ranked Ohio State team and went on to play in the Rose Bowl. Unfortunately, they got completed housed in the Rose Bowl by USC, a loss which you could argue lingered into 2008 where the Illini finished 5-7.

2009 started off with a massive thud for Illinois in their loss to rival Missouri 37-9. The Illini played Missouri without several key players so the game wasn’t exactly a true test, but the result was no less ugly. Illinois followed that up by beating I-AA Illinois State 45-17.

The fighting Illini are still a team dealing with some pretty heavy injury issues. Juice Williams left the Illinois State game early with a strained quad and didn’t return. Both starting running backs Daniel Dufrene and Jason Ford returned to action against Illinois State after missing all or part of the Missouri game. The best Wide Receiver in the Big Ten (arguably)- Arrelious Benn- missed the game against Missouri with an ankle injury.

On top of all that, their best defensive player Linebacker Martez Wilson is out for the season with a herniated disc in his neck. And the defense is also obviously still adjusting to life without Cornerback Vontae Davis, who went in the first round of the NFL draft to the Dolphins.

Not that you should feel sorry for Illinois’ personnel issues, you shouldn’t. Personnel excuses are for losers. The fighter Zookers still have plenty of talent and experience on both sides of the ball returning a total of 16 starters.

From a coaching standpoint, the team is breaking in a new Offensive Coordinator (Mike Schultz), a new Offensive Line Coach (Joe Gilbert) and a new Defensive Line Coach (Keith Gilbert).

All of this plus Head Coach Ron Zook on the hot seat adds up to a dangerous Illinois team.

They’re a complete wild card, especially on offense. When Juice Williams is good, he’s unbelievably good. Good Juice is able to put together 500 yards of total offense- dangerous both running and throwing the football. Bad Juice is like he was against Wisconsin last year where he went 17-for-32 with 3 interceptions. Bad juice is bad and can’t even be tolerated with Vodka.

If Juice can’t play and backup Eddie McGee plays, that changes everything. I’ve maintained since 2007 that McGee is the better quarterback, but Zook hitched his cart to Williams a long time ago. If McGee plays, expect the game to be very tight.

Illinois ranks 2nd to last in the nation in pass defense giving up 354 yards to Illinois State and 325 to Missouri. That bodes well for TP and the OSU passing attack. Illinois has a decent defensive line and rush defense so establishing the run will be a good
challenge for the Buckeyes.

Illinois is ranked 13th in the nation in rushing offense so stopping the run will be task #1 for the Buckeyes D. Juice and company are averaging 247 yards per game on the ground through two games. Both starting backs are big for Illinois with Dufrene at 5′11″, 205 pounds and Jason Ford at 6′0″, 230 pounds. Freshman Justin Green will also get some reps. Keeping the defensive line fresh by rotating in multiple players will come in extra handy Saturday against those two.

The Fighting Illini have given up 5 sacks in two games so expect our active defensive line to have some success getting in the backfield and disrupting Juice early and often.

It’s too early in the year for statistical comparison but the table below shows the tale of the tape for OSU vs. Illinois, including Illinois’ trouble with turnover margin:

Buckeye Bottom Line
Both teams will attempt to establish the run and both teams will have some success with it. Turnovers will be a factor, and somebody is going to bust a special teams play- hopefully it’s the Buckeyes, they’re due.

This game, as it did in 2007, simply comes down to which Quarterback plays better. If Terrelle lets the game come to him, taking runs when they’re there and progressing appropriately in his decision making, it will be a relatively easy win for the Buckeyes. If Terrelle struggles, that means the running game is struggling too and that also means it will be up to the defense to win the game. They couldn’t do it against USC, but they just might get another chance at it this week. Hopefully not though. I’d like to see a couple easy wins for the Buckeyes heading into Penn State.

Ohio State is favored by 14.5 and I like Ohio State by 10- Buckeyes 27, Illinois 17.

You’re welcome.

A few bonus questions for you this week. Plenty of good games to watch too so put off the yard work or shop-vac-ing the water from your front yard (if you live in Atlanta) until Sunday.

1. Which top ten team is going to lose this week? During each of the first three weeks of this season, two top ten college football teams have lost. Several teams should be on high alert for potential upsets- Mississippi, LSU, Alabama, Cal and Penn State all have potential trouble looming.

2. Which Juice Williams is coming to Columbus Saturday? Good Juice- the Juice that’s still in my nightmares, came into Ohio Stadium in 2007 and went 4 touchdowns/0 interceptions through the air and ran for what seemed like fifty 1st down conversions. Bad Juice includes his career figures of 52% completion and 44 touchdowns vs. 38 interceptions. The head-to-head comparison will be interesting to watch since in my book, Terrelle Pryor when he’s bad is very Juice like. So perhaps the better question is who’s going to be good Juice, and he’s going to be bad Juice? Ohio State is favored by 14.5. 3:30pm, ESPN.

3. Is this the year Steve Spurrier gets fired at South Carolina? Largely under the national media radar is the incredible mediocrity Spurrier has achieved at South Carolina. Spurrier is in his 5th year at SC posting previous records of 7-5, 8-5, 6-6 and 7-6, and not finishing any of those four season ranked in the top 25. The ‘ole ball coach is banking $1.75 million per year and has a current deal through 2012. The difficulty in the SEC and his Gator legacy aside, SS better start winning some games. Tonight would be a great place to start- at home against # 4 Mississippi. 7:30pm, ESPN. Ole Miss favored by 4.

4. Why isn’t Mark Dantonio following the Michigan State handbook? Page 32, section 5.3 reads “collapses are to occur in October, once the apples are picked and the leaves have turned all sorts of beautiful colors…”. The Spartans are coming off two crushing losses in a row by a total of 5 points. The path forward doesn’t spare Sparty as they play Wisconsin this week followed by Michigan and Illinois. MSU is in desperate need of a win and I think they’ll get it on the road this week (Noon, ESPN). Wisconsin is favored by 3.

5. Let down time for the Wolverines? Michigan should take care of Indiana at home this Saturday handily (Noon, ESPN2), but this is precisely the kind of game that tests the maturity of a very young team. Indiana will come in confident as a result of their 3-0 record. Michigan is favored by 20.5.

6. How white can it get? 3-0 Iowa plays at # 5 Penn State Saturday night (8pm, ABC, you should be looking live). Iowa was all that stood in the way of Penn State getting their ass kicked by Florida in the National Championship game last year. Ricky Stanzi will test a young Penn State secondary, especially if Linebackers Sean Lee and Navorro Bowman aren’t out there (word late is Bowman is in, Lee is out). Penn State is favored by 9.5. I like Iowa to cover the spread in a losing effort.

7. Is this the game where it starts going downhill for Notre Dame? Without leading receiver Michael Floyd and with Jimmy Clausen’s turf toe (Jimmy doesn’t like turf toe. Jimmy hates turf toe), Notre Dame could get challenged by Purdue (Saturday, 8pm, ESPN360). Like Michigan State, Purdue has lost two in a row by a close margin. The loss last week to Northern Illinois had to be especially disappointing to Danny Hope and his Joe-Tiller-facial-hair starter kit. Notre Dame is favored by 7.

8. Hammer or Mallett? Arkansas brings the #2 passing offense into Tuscaloosa Saturday for an SEC West matchup against # 3 Alabama. Alabama will bring a fierce defense to the party (the hammer) that will test the Razorbacks powerful offense. Defense usually wins those battles in the SEC but I sure would love to see an Alabama upset. Alabama is favored by 17.5.

9. This game just doesn’t feel right not being played on Thursday night. Ok, that wasn’t a question, but I can’t help but feel like # 9 Miami at # 11 Virginia Tech was made for Thursday night ACC football (Saturday, 3:30pm, ABC). The game pits two teams that are mirror images of each other- fast athletic defenses, running quarterbacks that are developing into legitimate passers, and dreams of restoring former program glory. The game is in Blacksburg so that should keep things interesting, but I like the Canes to win. Miami is favored by 2.5.

10. How will Cal fare over a tricky four-pack? After surviving a scrappy Minnesota team last week in Minneapolis, # 6 Cal goes to Oregon to face a wounded Ducks program with infinite uniform choices. If they beat Oregon, they go back home for USC and then play at UCLA. Sound the upset alarm big time. After losing to Boise State in week 1, Oregon got back on the saddle by squeaking by Purdue and beating Utah by a touchdown. If the Ducks are to pull the upset, they’ll need a much better than usual performance from QB Jeremiah Masoli. Cal is favored by 5, 3:30pm, ABC/ESPN 360.

11. Over or under? Two very productive offenses get together Saturday night when Texas Tech plays at # 17 Houston (Saturday 9:15pm, ESPN2). The over/under on this baby is 73 points and Houston is favored by 1 so expect a shootout. Texas Tech is coming off their loss to Texas and Houston is coming off a two-week layoff following their win over Oklahoma State.

12. Will Cincinnati go undefeated in 2009? They’re 3-0 and facing a remaining schedule without a ranked team on it (previous schedule didn’t have one either. With UC’s recent # 14 ranking, some Bearcats are even going as far as suggesting they’re the best team in Ohio (aka better than Ohio State). I don’t believe they will go undefeated and obviously they’re not the best team in Ohio; the 2009 version is exciting to watch though and Brian Kelly is a heck of a coach. Fresno State @ # 14 Cincinnati- Saturday noon, Gameplan/ESPN360. Cincinnati is favored by 16.5.

13. Who’s going to win the battle of the little Pac-10 team that could? The ghosts of USC’s present and past meet up in Palo Alto and one of them will leave 3-1. I’m not sure who it speaks to worse (UW or USC) but Stanford is a 7.5 point favorite. Saturday, 9pm, in the stadium or with a good pair of binoculars.

14. Can Mississippi State find their rush defense and upset # 7 LSU at home (Saturday noon, ESPN360, Gameplan)? LSU’s offense hasn’t lit the world on fire yet ranking 53rd in scoring offense and 103rd in pass offense. Lucky for them Mississippi State has a pretty porous rush defense giving up an average of 162 yards per game, including giving up 390 yards to Auburn. Expect to see a heavy dose of Charles Scott and Keiland Williams. LSU is favored by 13.

You’re welcome.

Postgame tailgate, episode 3. Line of the vid: “…he’s always going to be down for a mid-19th century train robbery…” Classic.

You’re welcome.

College football headlines to get you ready for the weekend…

The most sexual college football headline to date: Trojans Seek Turnaround Against Cougars. Personally, I would have gone with “Trojans look for better protection as key to taking care of Cougars”.

Carroll Says Barkley to Start Saturday
Following practice Tuesday Pete Carroll said injured QB Matt Barkley will start for USC Saturday. As if backup Aaron Corp’s confidence couldn’t be shaken anymore, you receive confirmation that a one-armed Matt Barkley is still significantly better than your two arms. Time to transfer AC; Mitch Mustain- you might as well transfer also.

No Big Ten team worthy of National Title talk
This according to Bruce Hooley, a college football writer and sports radio talk show host in Columbus. Based on what I’ve seen, I can’t argue.

Coaches Corner
In case you didn’t have four hours to spare on Tuesday afternoon, here are the highlights from the Big Ten coaches press conferences:
<a href="http://msn.foxsports.com/video?vid=0140c5e9-ac90-4f24-8a63-97795f499f2a&#038;from=IV2_en-us_foxsports_articles" target="_new" title="Coaches Corner: Big Ten">Video: Coaches Corner: Big Ten</a>

Pac-10 is Best
Darren Everson in the Wall Street Journal makes a case for why the Pac-10 has been the best conference since 2000. Pause. Seriously, it’s a real article. Click here.

USC Collapse
Looking for a little deeper dive into USC’s loss to Washington, click here for a breakdown of each failed 3rd down attempt including a video compilation of each play. (HT: Smart Football).

UTEP is the # 1 New Mexico State Booster
A funny story from Dr. Saturday from the UTEP-New Mexico State game; Sloppy Joes and Chicken legs are involved.

Sweet Jesus, that’s some analysis
Looking for a breakdown of every play from the Michigan-Eastern Michigan “game”? Seriously, every play. From MGoBlog, click here.

You’re welcome.

Pre-season polls are for the weak which is why I wait until some real games have been played before laying it down. As a refresher, the Ocho is our weekly top 8 poll; 8 teams because we’d like to see an 8-team playoff at the end of the year instead of the BCS nonsense currently in place.

Like Charlie Weis’ booster support, the Ocho is quite fluid at the beginning of the year and teams can and will be added or removed based on the whims and fancies of me.

If the season ended today, this would be your first round playoff pairings:

# 8 Penn State @ # 1 Florida
# 7 LSU @ # 2 Texas
# 6 Alabama @ # 3 Mississippi
# 5 Miami @ # 4 California

You’re welcome.

Colloquialisms are a funny thing. Especially when the phrase is egregiously misused. Take “keep plucking that chicken” for example. Fine and dandy except when misused in the manner below (audio includes the f-bomb). And for what it’s worth, the news anchor had the following apology:

“I misspoke during last night’s newscast. I apologize for my remarks to anyone who may have been offended.”

Especially chickens, who I’m sure are sleeping with one eye open following those remarks, if they actually sleep. Pay special attention to the reaction from the co-anchor.

You’re welcome.

While working on the first edition of the 2009 Ocho, I came across the same dilemma I do during the 1st half of each season- best eight teams now or teams likely to be the best eight at the end of the year? The answer seems obvious and yet if you look at the top ten of the AP or Coaches poll, arguments can easily be made for against each team.

At the beginning of the season it seemed like a lock- don’t even bother playing the season, let’s just have a four-team tournament with USC, Oklahoma, Texas and Florida. Three weeks in, none of the four look invincible (especially two of the four).

For my money, the only team that’s a lock for the Ocho is Florida- they’re the defending champs, they returned much of their two-deep, and they’re undefeated thus far. Not that they’re a unanimous # 1 for me by any stretch. They’re showing the same flaws they did last year before turning it around mid-season. The other seven spots in the Ocho are highly negotiable at this point.

To further illustrate the lack of early season clarity, I present to you the current top ten in the Sagarin rankings which is a component of the BCS calculations (full Ocho to follow late Tuesday):

1. Miami
2. Florida State
3. Cincinnati
4. Boise State
5. LSU
6. USC
7. Iowa
8. Georgia Tech
9. Alabama
10. California

You’re welcome.

In case you missed this from the weekend, Golden Tate (or Tater Tot as I call him for his somewhat diminutive size) flying into the Michigan State band. Literally. Here’s Tater’s quote:

“Funny thing is I didn’t know there was chairs there. I thought the people were gonna catch me, but I forgot that was Michigan State’s Band. And like I jumped up and they scattered real quick and there was the ground hitting me hard.”

Here’s the play at normal speed:

And here’s the play at super-slow-mo-Bonnie-Tyler-mix speed:

You’re welcome.

1. Is the U overrated at # 20? I suggested the U would build a game plan around stopping the Georgia Tech run game and that’s exactly what they did. After giving up 472 to GT last year, the Canes held Josh Nesbitt and company to a mere 95 yards on the ground. More significantly, the Canes appear to have themselves a quarterback. Since Brock Berlin departed in 2004, Miami has been a ship without a rudder due to horrifically bad quarterback play. Thursday night against Georgia Tech, Sophomore Jacory Harris went 20 of 25 for 270 yards. More impressively, through two games his QB rating is a ridiculous 184. It’s too soon to tell if Miami is for real, but with consecutive games against Virginia Tech and Oklahoma, we’ll know in two weeks.

2. Is Boise State going to mess with the BCS again this year? The Blue Broncos dispatched Fresno State in a non-defensive affair (use of the word defense should be strictly prohibited in discussing that game from Friday night). Here are the remaining opponents on Boise State’s schedule- you tell me, should they run the table, if they deserve to play in a BCS game: Bowling Green, UC Davis, Tulsa, Hawaii, San Jose State, Louisiana Tech, Idaho, Utah State, Nevada, New Mexico State.

3. At what point does Bill Cosby step in and “T. Boone Pickens” the Temple football program and 3a. Why isn’t the second question repeatedly posed to JoePa (after the retirement question) about Why Penn State makes a travishamockery of non-conference schedules? Penn State 31, Temple 6. Penn State is 5th in the AP poll and 4th in the Coaches poll but what do we really know about them? We know they’ve beaten Akron, Syracuse and Temple. We know they got their running game on track against the Owls. We know JoePa’s old and doesn’t like cameramen wearing BMX Biker suits. That’s about it.

4. Magical Gophers or just plain lucky? Minnesota had Cal tied midway through the 4th quarter until Jahvid Best took over, finishing with five touchdowns. Minnesota also managed to turn the ball over four times. Say it with me- that’s too big of a gopher hole.

5. How high can the Michigan hype go? The Wolverines needed to only pass the ball 17 times in order to take care of Eastern Michigan 45-17. 380 yards on the ground sure helped the cause. Consider the hype further escalated. Indiana is up next for big blue, then a road trip to Michigan State.

6. Is this week USC’s letdown game? It sure was, though I don’t think it’s accurate to throw the loss to Washington into the “annual letdown” bucket. The offensive numbers for USC were horrendous, and indicative of some systemic offensive problems, clearly inflamed by the injury issues they’re going through. 120 yards passing and 0-for-10 on 3rd down conversions show the lack of offensive depth and production the Trojans have right now- and at the last place where you’d think depth would be a problem. It’s very clear with the surprising departure of Mark Sanchez last year and the underwhelming (so far) group of wide receivers, USC has much work to do to not lose any more games this season.

7. Will Texas get revenge for Texas Tech keeping them out of the NC game last year? Texas Tech has another multi-platinum passer under center but clearly doesn’t have Michael Crabtree any longer (though I’ve heard he’s available) and they don’t have the defense they did last year. Texas got the win and revenge but the bigger story is that through three games, it looks like Colt McCoy has taken a step back. Not that that’s the end of the world for Longhorns after a statistically freakish 2008, but McCoy has four interceptions already on the year vs. only 8 all of last year. It’s nothing to be alarmed about, Colt is pressing things a bit and just needs to relax, but it could be a developing story should it start to get inside his head a bit.

8. How many times will Florida go for 2 Saturday against Tennessee? Gator fans looking for blood Saturday were sorely let down by a sloppy Florida offense- final score Florida 23, Tennessee 13. I was badly off on my prediction that Florida would more than cover the 30 point spread. If UT had a QB, the game could have very well ended in a loss for Florida. Jonathan Crompton finished the game 11-for-19 for 93 yards with two interceptions. On the year Crompton has five touchdowns and a Fulmertastic seven interceptions.

9. What are you going to be doing at 7 eastern on Saturday? BYU got absolutely housed by Florida State in Provo. The numbers are startling- five BYU turnovers, 54 points given up to the Seminoles, FSU 12-for-15 on 3rd down conversions. Stranger still is Christian Ponder’s emergence for Florida State as a real QB (also see Jacory Harris and Miami). Ponder was a ridiculous 21-for-26 Saturday for 195 yards, 2 TD’s, no interceptions. Compare that to 14 touchdowns and 13 interceptions last year.

On a side note, see if you follow this one. Ohio State drops two spots in the AP poll this week, presumably because the team that beat them lost. Yet, Oklahoma rises two spots despite the team that beat them losing much, much worse at home. OU beat Tulsa 45-0. OSU beat Toledo 38-0. That must be it- the extra touchdown makes all the difference.

10. Michigan State or Notre Dame? Unfortunately, Notre Dame walked away with a win Saturday, thanks to the gracious mistake by MSU QB Kirk Cousins. One minute to go, 2nd & 10 from the ND 18, in field goal range, the one thing you don’t want to do is turn the ball over. Yet, that’s exactly what Cousins did throwing a horrible pass that was intercepted thus finishing off Sparty. I fear I’ll look back on that moment as the reason why Notre Dame ends up in the BCS; time will tell.

11. How will Ohio State respond? Ohio State responded well, doing what they needed to on offense. TP looked sharper but still made several throws that were much more Juice Williams-esque than I’d like him to be. The bigger story is how the defense completely shut down a theretofore productive Toledo offense. The defensive line continues to get outstanding pressure with just three or four guys- a trend that I hope continues all season long.

You’re welcome.

It turns out Oklahoma doesn’t need Sam Bradford (at least vs. Tulsa) since backup Landry Jones threw six touchdown passes today. That’s not nearly as impressive though as this freakish touchdown from Demarco Murray. Apologies for the video quality; you take what you can get on youtube.

You’re welcome.

With the 3rd week of college football nearly finished (I’m watching the end of UCLA-Kansas State, it’s a sickness), the 2009 Ocho will premier this week.

Thankfully against Notre Dame, no. Depite Rich Rod’s aloofness, that was an upper cut delivered from Jonas Mouton, and a poor one at that. Here’s Rich Rod in his own words (credit to these guys):

“The little bit I saw, the clip I saw, the guys got tangled up together and Jonas was trying to free himself. I mean, there was a whole lot of officials out there. I’m sure if there was infraction they would have called it.”

You’re welcome.

1. Is the U overrated at # 20? We’ll find out tonight when they face # 14 Georgia Tech at home (Thursday, 7:30p, ESPN). The Hurricanes should still be flying high after the season-opening win over Florida State but have lost four in a row to Georgia Tech. Georgia Tech also rolled up 472 yards rushing last year so expect the Hurricanes to give a little TLC to run support this year. Miami is a 6-point favorite.

2. Is Boise State going to mess with the BCS again this year? The magic eight ball says “pretty damn likely”. After dispatching a piss poor Oregon team and holding on to beat a piss poor Purdue team, the Broncos go on the road against Fresno State in a Friday night game (Friday, 9:00p, ESPN). Very little is left on the schedule for BSU, including nary a single ranked team. Does the BCS world come crashing down if BYU makes the national championship game and Boise ends up in the Fiesta Bowl? One can hope. Boise State is favored by 7.5.

3. At what point does Bill Cosby step in and “T. Boone Pickens” the Temple football program and 3a. Why isn’t the second question repeatedly posed to JoePa (after the retirement question) about Why Penn State makes a travishamockery of non-conference schedules? Penn State has beaten Temple by a combined 123-3 over the last three years, and yet the grudge matches continue. Penn State (Saturday, noon, BTN) has some work to do on their rushing game, and will give it a good work out against Temple’s 23rd ranked rush defense. That’s pretty much the only valid reason to watch this game, unless you really like hearing lion roars. Penn State is favored by 30.

4. Magical Gophers or just plain lucky? Minnesota is 2-0 by virtue of an overtime win over Syracuse and a last minute win over Air Force. # 8 Cal comes into town to open the new Gopher football stadium Saturday (noon, ESPN). The only way the Goooophers have a shot at this one is if they can slow down Jahvid Best and his ridiculous 10.4 yard per carry average and get some heat on Kevin Riley, who has yet to throw an interception this year. The Minnesota Rush D is ranked 92nd nationally so doubtful there will be any slowing down, they’ll have to just keep up. Cal is a 14-point favorite on the road.

5. How high can the Michigan hype go? Pretty damn high. Brent Musberger and Matt Barkley holding hands skipping through a field of daisies high. Michigan has 0-2 Eastern Michigan (noon, BTN) and then Indiana before going on the road to play Michigan State and the fighting Dantonios. That’s a 4-0 top 15 Michigan team heading into week 5. Be ready for it. Michigan is favored by 24.

6. Is this week USC’s letdown game? Last year it was the road game at Oregon State following the Ohio State game. In 2007 it was Stanford at home. 2006 was another road loss at Oregon State. Plenty of storylines here including an injured sunshine (Matt Barkley), an emotional drain from the prior week, and an improved Washington Huskies team under new management (former USC coordinator Steve Sarkisian). USC is favored by 21; Saturday, 3:30, ABC.

7. Will Texas get revenge for Texas Tech keeping them out of the NC game last year? Yes. 2-0 Texas Tech at 2-0 Texas, Saturday 8pm, ABC. Texas is favored by 17.5.

8. How many times will Florida go for 2 Saturday against Tennessee? Urban Meyer doesn’t hold grudges, he cuddles with them. Spoons with them. Writes them little love notes and has Tim Tebow pass the notes in study hall. Lane Kiffin instantly made a name for himself by shooting his mouth off in the off-season and making public claims questioning the sensei’s ethics. It all comes to bare Saturday in the swamp (3:30pm, CBS) when the 29.5 point underdog Vols come to town. If ever you were to lay money on the favorite, this would be the moment. Gators big. Bigger than the 29.5.

9. What are you going to be doing at 7 eastern on Saturday? Instead of strapping on the 3rd dozen wings getting ready for Texas -v- Texas Tech, you should flip on Versus and watch Florida State at # 7 BYU. How sweet would that be for BYU fans to beat Florida State at home after knocking off # 3 Oklahoma to start the season. BYU still has TCU and Utah on the schedule but beating Florida State puts them one game closer to a date in the National Championship. BYU is favored by 7.5 (and I like them to win by 10).

10. Michigan State or Notre Dame? Make no bones about it- Charlie Weis’ coaching career could hinge on this one game. Following the collapse at Michigan, Notre Dame now has a pissed off Michigan State team who had a collapse of their own last week against Central Michigan. After this, Notre Dame’s schedule doesn’t look as easy as it did at the beginning of the year, with a road game against an improved Purdue team and home dates with Washington, USC, and Navy. A 6-6 finish for the Golden Domers will surely lead to Weis being shown the door. Believe it or not, Notre Dame hasn’t beaten Michigan State at home since 1993. Notre Dame is favored by 10. 3:30pm, NBC.

11. How will Ohio State respond? Toledo comes in (quasi-neutral site game) with an offense ranked 7th nationally, a quality veteran QB, and a porous defense (107th ranked Rush D). The OSU offense laid an egg last week; Tressel is taking some sustained heat for the first time in his Ohio State tenure; this is the pendulum moment for the Buckeyes. They need a good rebound performance from Terrelle Pryor to help restore some confidence and get some of that mojo back. Ohio State is favored by 20.5. Noon, ESPN360.

You’re welcome.

The following is required reading for all Buckeye fans looking for answers, hoping for adaptation from an offense so desperately in need of adjustment. The article is by Chris Brown at Smart Football and provides the kind of analysis and straight poop that I wish I had the time and talent to deliver.

The information provided is the type of naked truth that is painful to the soul but at the same time must be read, and shared. The Ohio State program is at a crossroads, whether Tress is willing to admit it or not. The full article is found here, one particularly pointed quote listed below. Here’s a rebuttal from the Columbus Dispatch’s Ken Gordon on a few items.

Finish the article by clicking this link for some positive words about the OSU defense. Stay off the ledge- happy days are always around the bend; somewhere.

Look at the numbers. Ohio State’s failure to beat a quality opponent since defeating Michigan to punch a ticket to the national championship game in 2006, Tressel’s teams have been outclassed, outsmarted, outplayed and outprepared in every big game they’ve played.

Yet the saddest part about the Buckeyes’ 18-15 loss to the Trojans is that, for the first time in the last few tries against similar opponents, the Buckeyes were not outplayed. That’s what made Saturday night’s performance almost disgusting: OSU’s players played a hard, fast and determined game; the crowd in Columbus seemed nothing short of unreal; and the pomp and majesty of playing there more than drowned out USC’s exotic traveling road show, known to transform opposing stadiums into home venues. No, this loss falls squarely on the coaching staff. And the fissures run deep.

You’re welcome.

The SI Tour Guy is gone but never fear, he’s on to another venture- called “The Postgame Tailgate”. Here’s the week 2 installment; enjoy:

1. One good team did emerge in the ACC Thursday night- Georgia Tech, though they nearly gave the game away in the face of a strong Clemson come back. Neither team did particularly well defending the big play, but it’s the ACC so baby steps are in order.

2. There was no Greg Paulus magic for Syracuse as the Orange could only muster 200 yards of total offense and Paulus threw two interceptions in a 28-7 loss to Penn State. We won’t know good how Penn State is for a couple more weeks when the Nits face Iowa.

3. Iowa got what they needed with a weak Iowa State team, winning 35-3. The Hawkeyes got six turnovers to go with a decent performance from QB Ricky Stanzi. Up next for Iowa will be an interesting game with Arizona at Iowa.

4. Florida did not get caught looking ahead to UT. Florida squeaked by Troy 56-6, covering the 36-point spread and providing a scary primer for the bloodsport that will be beating Tennessee this coming Saturday. The Gators racked up 663 yards of offense while limiting Troy to 139 yards (or roughly 35 yards per quarter).

5. Michigan was the big winner in the UM-ND match up in Ann Arbor. Neither defense played well with nearly 1,000 yards of combined offense. Much is being made of Freshman QB Tate Forcier, and though he’s going to make many mistakes before the year is over, he looks to be the big time QB Rich Rod was hoping for.

Charlie Weis should be taking much more heat than he is for the tactical error he made in the 4th quarter. I’ll set the scene for you:

Notre Dame gets the ball with a 34-31 lead and 3:07 left on the clock. Notre Dame rushes for 13 yards on 1st down. Weis makes the right call on 1st down again by rushing, unfortunately for no gain. Michigan is forced to call their 1st time out to stop the clock. Weis then calls two successive passes, both incomplete, which preserves Michigan’s final two timeouts. Five plays and Notre Dame managed to drain a mere 54 seconds off the clock. Michigan gets the ball back with 2:13 to go and two timeouts, and the rest is Forcier history.

6. As I suggested it would be, UCLA-Tennessee was a low scoring affair, with the Bruins winning 19-15 in Knoxville. Not exactly the kind of momentum the Vols need heading into the Florida week.

7. Oklahoma cleansed their palette after losing to BYU last week, at the expense of I-AA Idaho State. Final score 64-0; 564 yards for OU; 46 yards for Idaho State.

8. Ohio State put together the third in a row of close performances in big games, but unfortunately came up short again. USC did not cover the 6.5 point spread either.

You’re welcome.

“…the libido, the life force, the essence, the right stuff, what the French call a certain…I don’t know what.”

That’s what happened that fateful night in 2007 when the Florida Gators victimized the unstoppable ‘06 Buckeyes. Urban Meyer stole Tress’ Mojo., and it’s clear it has been missing ever since.

Watching the Ohio State-USC game Saturday night it became painfully clear that the vest is looking for answers.

In the early days of the vest, Tress had all the answers. Ohio State was dominating their chief rival, beating an unbeatable Miami Hurricane team, dominating Notre Dame (when Notre Dame was good), routinely outcoaching opponents, and not second-guessing a thing.

The mojo peaked in 2006 with an average margin of victory of 28 points, the dramatic win over #2 Michigan to finish the season, the Heisman trophy, Ted Ginn running the opening kick in the NC game back for a touchdown…and then the rest of that game is permanently blocked from my memory.

Saturday night the Buckeyes looked like an offense gasping for air, not coming up with any answers. It’s the bizarro vest. Instincts become wrong. Doing the opposite backfires. Rushing on rushing downs doesn’t work. Rushing on passing downs doesn’t work either. Don’t even bother passing because that won’t work either.

Consider if you will: last week against Navy, 4th quarter, approximately 7 1/2 minutes to go in the game. Ohio State has the ball on the Navy 16 yard line up 29-14. 2nd down and 3, Tresselball says stay conservative and run the ball. Brandon Saine over Right Guard for 1 yard. 3rd down and 2. Stopped for no gain on 3rd down.

Tresselball says kick the field goal and go up by three scores. Tressel instead goes for it and the offense gets stuffed and turns the ball over on downs. Navy scores on the very next play and Ohio State barely escapes with the win. Confidence shaken.

2nd quarter against USC, up 10-7, 1:49 to go in the half. OSU has the ball on their own 27 and USC has zero timeouts (I repeat zero timeouts). Tresselball dictates run it three times, kill the clock, and go into the locker room with a 3-point lead. That choice would have brought criticism onto Tress for being too conservative, but look what happened instead.

1st down, incomplete pass. Clock stops. 2nd down, Boom Herron rush for 7 yards. 3rd down- another incomplete pass. Clock stops again. USC gets that ball back at their own 20 yard line with 55 seconds and zero timeouts, on the road with a Freshman QB. And they drive it down and kick a field goal to tie the game as the first half clock runs out.

Next scenario: 3rd quarter, Ohio State has the ball 1st & goal at the USC 10 yard line. Ohio State runs a horrific option play on 1st down, loss of 8 yards, 2nd & goal at the 18. Tressel goes against the manual this time and it actually works- 13 yard pass completion to the running back (Brandon Saine).

3rd & goal from the 5. Tress decides to go against the manual again and run a pass play. Pass incomplete. 4th & goal from the 5. Field goal good. That time Tresselball worked; sort of. Trading field goals for touchdowns in the red zone is part of the plan but you’d like to think a run on 3rd down could have got at least a yard or two.

Now consider the strange punt with 7 minutes to go in the 4th quarter. Before 2006, the punt is the right call- the defense makes the stop, game over.

Instead, USC with their Freshman quarterback who has a bruised wing and probably can’t throw the ball further than 15 yards goes 95 yards for the game-winning touchdown and uses nearly all of the clock.

Here, Tresselball failed him. Tress thought about the field goal attempt (would have been a 53-yarder), went with the punt instead and it backfired.

The two-minute drills were a disaster for the Buckeyes.

Time and time again play calls were coming in late from the sideline.

A delay of game penalty at home and a second penalty avoided by use of a timeout.

There’s little continuity or flow to the offense. It seems like plays are being picked out of a hat, rather than one play setting up another, and another.

The vest is clearly searching for answers and he’s drawing blanks. When he goes by the manual, more often than not it’s not working. When he ditches the manual and does the opposite, more often than not that isn’t working either.

Four times in the game Ohio State began a possession in USC territory (from the 44, 49, 43 and 45) and they ended up with six points to show for it. Not that USC isn’t a very good defense. They are. Statistically they’ll finish top ten in the country I’m sure. But give Texas, Oklahoma, or Florida four possessions in USC territory and they’ll come up with more than six points every time.

It’s not that Tress isn’t smart enough to figure it all out. His coaching record and experience speaks for itself. The problem is his confidence is still clearly shaken.

There are only two ways to right the ship.

First, as I posted late Saturday night, bring in a dedicated coordinator. Let Tress focus on the critical game calls, focus on being Chief Executive (which he’s best at), focus on recruiting, but let somebody else make the calls (not Bollman).

The other alternative is to go back to vintage Tresselball. Screw the detractors; go back to the formula that worked in the beginning. Win with special teams, defense, and the ability to avoid questions in the post-game press conference. One point victory; forty point victory; no matter. Just win baby.

Either way- the current plan isn’t working. Half Tresselball and half-schizophrenic-let’s-just-try-this-ball isn’t working. Tressel is too good of a coach to struggle like this. He’s second guessing himself way too much. He is the right man for Ohio State, he just needs to find his mojo. If you happen to see it laying around, please return it to the following address:

2491 Olentangy River Road
Columbus, Ohio 43210

We’d love to have it back.

You’re welcome.

And a supreme douchebag. In case you hadn’t seen this from the MTV video music awards, here he is punking an unsuspecting Taylor Swift:

And of course the South Park parody (nsfw):

You’re welcome.

We’ve got a new poll up over there—->

Get your vote in before Saturday, and feel free to use the “Other” button if you need to vent a little bit…