Still crazy after all these (three) years

Subtitled “Breasts, thighs and homo-erotica on live national television”.

Sunday marks three years for this website, an anniversary I consider substantial since I have such a short attention span. I’d like to personally thank all the spammers that constantly bombard my pages. No birthday spam necessary.

Our first post was a little social commentary, something that I feel compelled to commemorate on this occasion, and I will do so with Adam Lambert. Adam Lambert, you may recall was on American Idol or something like that (incidentally Adam Lamberg is somebody totally different).

I have a multi-year disdain for the American Music Awards since most of the music is unlistenable, plus there are about 25 too many award shows. The shows are nothing but opportunities for insecure Hollywood types to stroke their own egos.

Lambert closed the 2009 American Music Awards with an s&m-laden sex-charged performance of a song off his album. Aside from the gross inappropriateness of the performance on live tv- including an oral sex simulation and a man-on-man kiss, the music sucks and the vocal performance was even worse. The performance assaulted me on so many levels, I’m not even sure where to begin.

So I’ll begin with the FCC.

Five years ago CBS was fined $550k by the FCC for Janet Jackson’s nipslip during the Super Bowl. Where does the FCC come in on a penalty for the Lambert performance? They haven’t; instead, they’re concerned about things like this:

Comment Sought on Broadband Measurement and Consumer Transparency of Fixed Residential and Small Business Services in the U.S.

ABC and Dick Clark Entertainment are pulling down videos of the Lambert video faster than Perez Hilton likely got to his feet for a standing O following the performance, but until it’s gone here’s the show:

With all of this in mind, I present the Ten Things involving Janet Jackson’s gleaming nipple that are less offensive than Adam Lambert’s AMA performance:

1. Janet Jackson’s gleaming nipple co-hosting Saturday Night Live with Octomom

2. Janet Jackson’s gleaming nipple crushing a small woodland creature

3. JJGN giving the bro handshake to Hugo Chavez

4. JJGN helping to sneak illegals across the border

5. JJGN high-fiving Mariah Carey’s nipple

6. JJGN giving the exploding fist-bump to Ellen Degeneres’ nipple

7. JJGN tackling Chicago Bears Wide Receiver Devin Hester and partially pulling down his draws

8. JJGN standing next to Josh McDaniels while he drops the F bomb on the NFL Network

9. JJGN playing in the BCS Championship

10. Both of Janet Jackson’s nipples getting exposed during the Super Bowl with Larry King standing next to her in a Speedo and a green poker visor (only those two) giving a thumbs up

You’re welcome.