The rain in Spain might fall mainly on the plain but in Argentina it falls on the street and creates these sweet-ass puddles. All my life, I’ve been trying to hit a puddle like this. On my bike after every rain storm when I was a kid, and in the car after every rain storm now that I’m an adult.

Enjoy:

Here’s to a Miracle on Ice part II. Enjoy:

Just when you think you’re having a good week…

Houston Yates 170, Houston Lee 35

That was the score for a high school basketball game in Texas. I wouldn’t expect a state like Texas to have a mercy rule for high school basketball but a 135-point win doesn’t belong in high school basketball. It was 100-12 at the half. Blame it on scheduling, blame it on this coach, either way, it doesn’t belong.

In case you need to pick up a last minute gift, here’s a great idea from Jimmy Kimmel (HT to RLong). Merry Christmas to you and yours from the Red Renee global empire.

You’re welcome.

Inappropriate to laugh while describing a gruesome murder? Sure. But looking at the picture of the perp in this one certainly explains why this chick couldn’t hold it together:

Not sure where the original for this comes from but H/T to part-time Brad for the find. Hilarious:

An old one from the Onion that I missed. Not timely but damn it’s funny. Enjoy:

Obama’s Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

You’re welcome.

If you’re looking to warm up sometime this week, whether it’s after going out to get the mail or knocking the ice off your car, just think about the warm times when you used your jet ski in your hot tub. Yep, that just happened.

You’re welcome.

CBS actually put this together- Barney Stinson meets Frosty the Snowman. A mashup between “How I Met Your Mother” and Frosty. Don’t let your kids watch this:

Swill merchant Dennis Dodd from CBSSports.com is at it again. His latest blast praises the BCS, an act that should be met by public stoning in the streets.

A principal theme of his is that simply getting the undefeated teams into BCS bowls is success for college football. I don’t know what bizzaro world Dodd lives in but that type of ignorant logic belongs nowhere near college football.

Here’s an excerpt from his ill-conceived etude in crap minor titled “For all its flaws, BCS walking the right path”:

Whoever thought we’d be turning to the BCS for clarity and hope? But here we are. The Bowl Championship Series, by dumb luck more than master plan, has worked this season. For the second time in the BCS era, it’s possible there could be five undefeated teams at the end of the season (Alabama/Florida, Texas, TCU, Boise State and Cincinnati). For the first time, all of them would be playing in BCS bowls.

Complete and utter filth. You sir Mr. Dodd are part of the problem. Read the full article here.

Just in case your springs are a little rickety and you’re in the market for a new mattress, check out the most racist mattress store in America. (HT: Uncle Morty). Enjoy:

Checking in on Dan Rubenstein and his weekend wrap up, here’s episode 8 of the tailgate. Line of the vid: “…nobody tell the Cyclones you get six points for getting into the end zone.” Enjoy:

Road tripping all day Monday so I’ll get weekend summaries up late Monday evening. In the meantime, enjoy NFL films superstar Chip Morton:

Episode 7 from Dan Rubenstein for your viewing enjoyment. Line of the vid: “A quick reminder for Mike Sherman and Ron Zook, both Word and PDF are acceptable resume formats at most modern companies.” Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

I missed this one last week- episode 6 of the Postgame Tailgate from Dan Rubenstein. Line of the vid: “…Sooner fans are just itchin’ to scrab some more Texas scrotum.” Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

I was in Florida for business this week and ended up in Gainesville for lunch. The Garden Café in Gainesville to be more specific. If you ever happen upon the Garden Café, you’ll find this signed photo hanging (among others):

The photo quality stinks (Blackberry phone) but the picture should bring back nightmares for Buckeye fans nonetheless. The photo is of a helmetless Florida Linebacker Earl Everett blowing up Troy Smith (one of many such situations if you recall). The photo is autographed by Everett and also written in on the back of Troy’s jersey is “Heisman”. That about sums up that game- still painful after all these years too.

For the record the french dip sandwich was cold and the sweet potato fries were average, neither of which I finished because I was staring at that picture the entire meal.

Here’s a clearer picture of that event in case you’re not haunted yet.

The first BCS standings come out Monday so expect everybody to be on their best behavior this weekend. Several key matchups loom, with a Cincinnati-South Florida game already in the books. I also made it to Tampa this week to catch that game live.

As an eye witness I can tell you Cincy is not a pretender and they’re not a contender, they’re somewhere in between. Losing QB Tony Pike for at least a week should make things interesting against Pittsburgh but their backup QB Zach Collaros looks like Tim Tebow in waiting (gasp). I don’t see them losing any more games this season but only time will tell.

On to Ten Questions…

1 & 2. The Red River Shootout- Can Texas run it? Can OU protect Sam Bradford? Talk about the difference a year can make. At the beginning of this season, there were several scenarios I thought might present themselves for OU-Texas this year, a 20th ranked two-loss Oklahoma team wasn’t in any of those. OU gets Wide Receiver Ryan Broyles back from injury which should help, but the losses on offense for OU may be too much to overcome.

On the Texas side, the Longhorns lost three of their defensive linemen to the NFL but they still have Sergio Kindle, Roddrick Muckelroy, and Sam Acho- good enough for 20th nationally in sacks. They’ll need to get to Sam Bradford in order to affect timing.

Also of note for Texas is the amount of carries, or lack of Colt McCoy is taking. His carries are way down this year, as are his yards per (1.7 vs. 4.1) and touchdowns on the ground (1 TD this year, 11 last year). Texas has running back by committee this year, which is to say they don’t have anyone that can really dominate. In fact, over the last two games, they don’t have anyone that’s gotten more than ten carries. That’s a problem. That screams for Colt running the ball to make a difference in the outcome of the game- he’s clearly capable and he hasn’t taken nearly the hits he took last year so should be fresher.

The final piece to the puzzle is obviously Texas WR Jordan Shipley- a playmaker whenever he’s on the field. Dan Buckner is the other key target for Texas at receiver but Shipley is the guy that makes the offense go. It will be fun to watch Shipley vs. either of the veteran Cornerbacks for OU- Dominique Franks or Brian Jackson.

I think the game will be unusually low scoring (at least by Big XII standards), and because of that it could go either way. I like Texas to win and avenge the wrong done unto them by the Big XII rules last year. Texas is favored by 3.

3. Can Clausen put USC in a pickle? (see what I did there- Clausen. Pickle. I’ll give you a minute to catch your breath).

The only real drama in this game for me is if USC Freshman QB Matt Barkley can play without mistakes in another hostile environment and what will happen to Charlie Weis and the Notre Dame team if and when they lose.

The stakes can’t be bigger for Notre Dame what with Weis’ job and a potential BCS matchup on the line. For USC, the season already has a transitional feel to it so there’s less to risk.

With Notre Dame not getting consistent enough rushing and getting absolutely torched in their secondary, it’s going to take a flawless performance at home for the Irish to win, and as tight as they’re likely to be, I don’t see it happening. I like USC by a couple touchdowns. The Trojans are favored by 10.

4. Which Georgia Tech team is going to show up against the Hokies? Georgia Tech is able to put up points; in bunches even. The trouble for them is stopping the other team.

In their key wins over Clemson and Florida State, they simply outscored and outlasted their opponents. Against the Miami Hurricanes they couldn’t score or move the ball when they needed to. They’ll be faced with a similar dilemma when Virginia Tech comes into town Saturday.

Hokie QB Tyrod Taylor is capable of laying some steaming piles on the field, witness his 9-for-20 game against Alabama or throw up the film from half a dozen games last year. Unfortunately for Georgia Tech, their defense is probably not even equivalent to ‘Bama’s scout team.

I really want Georgia Tech to win because that removes another team from Ohio State’s path (to where, I’m not sure), but I think the Hokies are going to be too much offensively. Virginia Tech is favored by 3.

5. Might South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia earn his scholarship this week? Actually, Garcia’s stats aren’t all that bad this year- 61% completion, 9 TD’s, 3 INT’s. Still, when you watch South Carolina play on offense, it feels like time is standing still; and not the good times.

The South Carolina defense is decent, particularly stingy against the pass so the game at Alabama should be a low scoring affair. Like Georgia Tech, I’ll be rooting hard for South Carolina to pull the upset, and they might have been able to if this game were in SC, it’s not and unfortunately ‘Bama wins. Tide is favored by 18.

6. Will Arkansas spoil Homecoming? The 3-2 Razorbacks head to the Swamp to battle #1 Florida. Arkansas has the 10th ranked pass offense while Florida has the #1 pass defense- that matchup alone is worth the watch. Beyond that though I’m not sure it’s going to be much of a game. Arkansas’ D is not good and their offense is sure to be stifled by a fantastic Florida defense. Florida wins; they’re favored by 24.5.

7. Will Wisconsin knock off the only Big Ten unbeaten? Iowa has a tricky trip to Camp Randall Saturday to take on the Badgers. Wisconsin has potential but can’t make the kind of mistakes they did last week against Ohio State, and they’ll need to protect their QB much better after giving up 6 sacks to the Buckeyes. I don’t believe in comparing games against common opponents, but it will be interesting to see how Iowa’s defensive line performs against Wiscy after OSU’s dominating performance last week.

To me this game simply comes down to John Clay- he must dominate in order for Wisconsin to win. He has the size and ability to take over a game, and if he does he takes the pressure off his still inexperienced QB and an average defense. Believe it or not, the Badgers are favored (by 2.5) and I like them to win.

8. The ultimate trick play- punting on 3rd down? On Columbus radio this week, Kirk Herbstreit suggested that the Buckeyes might be better off running it up the middle three plays in a row and then just punting, in hopes that the defense can score. I’d take it a step further. Teach Terrelle the rugby kick and punt a few on third down. That’ll really catch Purdue off guard and swing field position for sure.

Perhaps they can run a couple variations off of it- like the fake punt-pass and fake punt-option. Hell- that defense is nasty enough- I say we punt on 1st down. We just stopped you three and out. Here’s the ball again bitches- it’s on. At least we know the defense can score.

Reports from West Lafayette indicate the field is going to be very sloppy tomorrow so expect plenty of running, which clearly favors the Buckeyes. Purdue has been bad against the run and horrible in the turnover department, two things that will give Tress an extra spring in his step Saturday morning. I like Buckeyes to win by 17; they’re favored by 13.5.

9. Can Texas Tech get their pirate-swaggerrrrr back with a win on the road against Nebraska? Nebraska is favored by 10.5 at home but Texas Tech needs a win bad. I like the Red Raiders to pull off the upset.

10. SEC spotlight game of the week: 3-3 Georgia @ 2-4 Vanderbilt- how awesome is the SEC? The answer of course is “more awesome than you can comprehend”. Georgia fans have to be getting tired of starting the season with dreams of a national championship and finishing the season with the reality of the Citrus Bowl (or Chick-fil-a). Ooh- sorry, I did forget the 1-1 record in Sugar Bowls too- my bad. Georgia is favored by 8. The SEC wins either way because as we all know, they’re the best conference in the country, hands down. Unless you’re actually watching the games.

Credit to Slatev.com for the video and a tip of the hat to smartfootball.com for the referral.

You’re welcome.

Or at least a forgetful American…

McCartney, who in between oiling up for Tiger Beat magazine covers and getting his firmware updated from Disney, is big with the tween set pumping out dozens of poppy crap tunes that are virtually indistinguishable from one another.

During some silly Nascar race this weekend McCartney went all artistic deciding to mix up the lyrics a bit on the National Anthem. And by mixing it up I mean he dropped a verse entirely. Just a tip for Mr. McCartney for the future- don’t blow the National Anthem in front of a Nascar audience. You might be able to get away with that at a hockey game, but definitely not in front of Nascar fan.

Here’s the vid:

And speaking of hockey, here’s McCartney singing “O Canada” which apparently is a popular pop song up north. Doesn’t sound like he missed any of those words.

You’re welcome.

If you need a little lift today, here’s a funny collection of some of the best movie laughs. To help pass the time with co-workers, see if you can name each movie. Enjoy:

Invented in Austin, Texas, Mojo Kickball is basically kickball for people with absolutely zero athletic ability and a whiny desire for “everyone feeling like a winner”.

From collegehumor.com, the 100 greatest internet videos in 3 minutes. Enjoy:

You’re welcome.

Latest episode from Dan Rubenstein. Line of the vid: Tate Forcier’s Right and Left Leg. Enjoy:

This is worth a watch, if for no other reason to refute the notion that Saturday Night Live only puts up Liberal skits. Enjoy:

Here’s Dan Rubenstein’s post game tailgate, episode 4. Line of the day: “…Penn State’s Iowa game plan involving a make-believe spread offense and lots of white cotton t-shirts needs a little work.” Enjoy: