The Senate passed the economic assistance plan last night after some revisions, lots of additions, and a little mild-mannered stumping. Most of the bill is good for Americans- control on how money is spent on junk, oversight on the $700 billion, relief on mark to market, increase of the FDIC insurance limit, etc.

Unfortunately, at a critical time in the country’s history, the Senate felt compelled to load the bill up with all kinds of extras that have little or nothing to do with the intent of the bill. It’s all a trading game- bits and pieces added to persuade votes in the house to make the bill successful. If an ordinary citizen were to attempt to persuade a congressman or woman to vote for a bill by providing them with financial influence, they’d be thrown in jail for bribery. Yet, in Washington it’s perfectly legal, even encouraged to do so.

For your reading enjoyment, here are some excerpts from the 451 pages:

Section 110: Assistance to Homeowners, subsection b.1:
To the extent that the Federal property manager holds, owns, or controls mortgages, mortgage backed securities, and other assets secured by residential real estate, including multi-family housing, the Federal property manager shall implement a plan that seeks to maximize assistance for homeowners and use its authority to encourage the servicers of the underlying mortgages, and considering net present value to the taxpayer, to take advantage of the HOPE for Homeowners Program under section 257 of the National Housing Act or other available programs to minimize foreclosures. (subsection b.2)- Modifications - In the case of a residential mortgage loan, modifications made under paragraph (1) may include- (A) reduction in interest rates; (B) reduction of loan principal; and © other similar modifications.

Section 122: Increase in Statutory Limit on the Public Debt-
Subsection (b) of section 3101 of title 31, United States Code, is amended by striking out the dollar limitation contained in such subsection and inserting “$11,315,000,000,000″. (That’s $11.315 trillion dollars in case you got lost in the zeros).

Page 113, Division B: Energy Improvement and Extension Act of 2008-
Includes extensions to things like existing renewable energy credits, clean renewable energy bonds, temporary increase in the coal excise tax, and about 20 other mind-numbingly boring and verbose sections. Most of it is very positive for America but has absolutely nothing to do with the terms of the bailout. Here’s an excerpt for your reading enjoyment, and evidence why nothing gets done in Washington:

In General, notwithstanding subsections (a)(1) and © of section 6416 and section 6511 of the Internal Revenue Code of 1986, if-
(i) a coal producer establishes that such coal producer, or a party related to such coal producer, exported coal produced by such coal producer to a foreign country or shipped coal produced by such coal producer to a possession of the United States, or caused such coal to be exported or shipped, the export or shipment of which was other than through an exporter who meets the requirements of paragraph (2),
(ii) such coal producer filed an excise tax return on or after October 1, 1990, and on or before the date of the enactment of this Act, and
(iii) such coal producer files a claim for refund with the Secretary not later than the close of the 30-day period beginning on the date of the enactment of this Act, then the secretary shall pay to such coal producer an amount equal to the tax paid under section 4121…….if you’re still reading this you are a fine and dedicated American.

And some of the more highly publicized sections:

On helping Puerto Rican rum distributors…

Section 308: Increase in limit on cover over of Rum Excise Tax to Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands-
(a) In general- Paragraph (1) of section 7652(f) is amended by striking “January 1, 2008″ and inserting “January 1, 2010″. (b) Effective Date- the amendment made by this section shall apply to distilled spirits brought into the United States after December 31, 2007.

On extending tax credits for railroad track maintenance…

Section 316: Railroad track maintenance:
(a) In General- Subsection (f) of section 45G (relating to application of section) is amended by striking “January 1, 2008″ and inserting “January 1, 2010″.

On helping motor sports racing track facilities…

Section 317: Seven year cost recovery period for motor sports racing track facility-
(a) In General- Subparagraph (D) of section 168(i)(15) (relating to termination) is amended by striking “December 31, 2007″ and inserting “December 31, 2009″.

On extending the tax credit to companies that have hired people affected by Hurricane Katrina (for another two years)…

Extension of work opportunity tax credit for Hurricane Katrina employees-
(a) In General- Paragraph (1) of section 201(b) of the Katrina Emergency Tax Relief of 2005 is amended by striking “2-year” and inserting “4-year”.

On extending tax incentives for investment in the District of Columbia…

Section 332: Tax incentives for investment in the District of Columbia-
(a) Designation of Zone- (1) In General- Subsection (f) of section 1400 is amended by striking “2007″ both places it appears and inserting “2009″.

On extending much needed to help wool producers and researchers…

Section 325: Extension and modification of duty suspension on wool products; wool research fund; wool duty refunds-
(a) Extension of temporary Duty restrictions- Each of the following headings of the Harmonized Tariff Schedule of the United States is amended by striking the date in the effective period column and inserting “12/31/2014″: (1) Heading 9902.51.11 (relating to fabrics of worsted wool)., (2) Heading 9902.51.13 (relating to yarn of combined wool), (3) Heading 9902.51.14 (relating to wool fiber, waste, garnetted stock, combed wool, or wool top), (4) Heading 9902.51.15 (relating to fabrics of combed wool), (5) Heading 9902.51.16 (relating to fabrics of combed wool). (b) Extension of Duty Refunds and Wool Research Trust Fund- (1) In General- Section 4002© of the Wool Suit and Textile Trade Extension Act of 2004 (Public Law 108-429; 118 Statute 2603) is amended- (A) in paragraph (3)©, by striking “2010″ and inserting “2015″; and (B) in paragraph (6)(A), by striking “through 2009″ and inserting through “2014″.

On extending assistance to the challenged film and TV producers with budgets less than 15 million dollars (poor chaps)…

Section 502: Provisions related to Film and Television productions-
(a) Extension of expensing rules for qualified film and television productions.- Section 181(f) (relating to termination) is amended by striking “December 31, 2008″ and inserting “December 31, 2009″. (b) Modification of Limitation on Expensing- Subparagraph (A) of section 181(a)(2) is amended to read as follows: “(A) In General- Paragraph (1) shall not apply to so much of the aggregate cost of any qualified film or television production as exceeds $15,000,000.”.

And finally, the legendary wooden arrows assistance clause…

Section 503: Exemption from excise tax for certain Wooden Arrows designed for use by children-
(a) In General- Paragraph (2) of section 4161(b) is amended by redesignating subparagraph (B) as subparagraph © and by inserting after subparagraph (A) the following new subparagraph: “(B) Exemption for certain wooden arrow shafts.- Subparagraph (A) shall not apply to any shaft consisting of all natural wood with no laminations or artificial means of enhancing the spine of such shaft (whether sold separately or incorporated as part of a finished or unfinished product) of a type used in the manufacture of any arrow which after its assembly- ‘(i) measures 5/16 of an inch or less in diameter, and (ii) is not suitable for use with a bow described in paragraph (1)(A).’”.

In case you think I’m making any of this up, here’s the link to the actual 451 page document (double-spaced, gigantic margins).

You’re welcome.

Bipartisan: bi·par·ti·san; adjective; of, relating to, or involving members of two parties ; specifically : marked by or involving cooperation, agreement, and compromise between two major political parties.

Irrational exhuberance has played out daily this week with a 700 point drop, a ~500 point rise, and a flatline (so far) today in the Dow. Wall Street appears to be holding its’ collective breath waiting for the bailout (or the rescue plan, or the poor-decision-making-assistance-plan, or whatever people are calling it). The vote failed in Congress thanks to folks like a bazillion economics faculty from all around the country who delivered this letter to Congress:

To the Speaker of the House of Representatives and the President pro tempore of the Senate:
 
As economists, we want to express to Congress our great concern for the plan proposed by Treasury Secretary Paulson to deal with the financial crisis. We are well aware of the difficulty of the current financial situation and we agree with the need for bold action to ensure that the financial system continues to function. We see three fatal pitfalls in the currently proposed plan:
 
1) Its fairness. The plan is a subsidy to investors at taxpayers’ expense. Investors who took risks to earn profits must also bear the losses.  Not every business failure carries systemic risk. The government can ensure a well-functioning financial industry, able to make new loans to creditworthy borrowers, without bailing out particular investors and institutions whose choices proved unwise.
 
2) Its ambiguity. Neither the mission of the new agency nor its oversight are clear. If  taxpayers are to buy illiquid and opaque assets from troubled sellers, the terms, occasions, and methods of such purchases must be crystal clear ahead of time and carefully monitored afterwards.
 
3) Its long-term effects.  If the plan is enacted, its effects will be with us for a generation. For all their recent troubles, America’s dynamic and innovative private capital markets have brought the nation unparalleled prosperity.  Fundamentally weakening those markets in order to calm short-run disruptions is desperately short-sighted.
 
For these reasons we ask Congress not to rush, to hold appropriate hearings, and to carefully consider the right course of action, and to wisely determine the future of the financial industry and the U.S. economy for years to come. 

Also helping in the effort was the website www.stopthehousingbailout.com which had this hilarious picture on the front page of their website:

In the name of keeping the facts straight, here’s a list of which way the votes actually went, straightening out the assertion by the Democrats that the Republicans submarined the bill. The hard numbers show 2/3rd’s of Republicans voting no with 40% of Democrats doing the same.

One thing you can be damn sure of is none of these people are capable of fixing the problems our economy is facing, or if they are capable, our political system will prevent them from doing so.

Fault lies on both sides in Washington but since the media broadly represents only the left, I feel compelled to point out two things: first, Democrats blocked Bush and the Republicans from trying to reform Fannie and Freddie five years ago, an action that at the very least could have softened what we’re going through right now.

Second, Chris Dodd and Barack Obama stand as the largest recipients of PAC money from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac prior to their insolvency- $165,400 for Dodd and $126,349 for Obama. Just so everyone is clear on the timelines- Dodd and the democrats block reform, take in large sums of money, watch the companies collapse, and then blame Bush and McCain for the problem. That’s straight politics homey, gangster style.

In the wake of the house voting down the “rescue” bill, politicians continued to claim to be seeking a bipartisan solution. Yet, as the votes were being cast on the house floor, Nancy Pelosi delivered a toxic “who’s to blame” speech poisoning the vote and showing where real motives lay.

Click link for video

In order to help you understand the elements around this issue and to help you be a more informed voter (Conservative), here are several useful links. First, is the analysis of the original bill as provided by the Senate banking committee. Second is a historical lesson on the S&L mess and what’s led up to where we are in banking. Third is the Wikipedia entry on “Mark to Market” which many people are blaming in part for this problem. Finally, an article on mark to market at one of my new favorite websites (nakedcapitalist.com).

You’re welcome.

We’re certainly not in support of hurricanes, the Red Renee world headquarters was without power for two days after Ike, and Galveston is pretty well destroyed (real sensitive to list Galveston second, I know). However, should there be a few more peaceful, harmless hurricanes in the Atlantic, we’ll see a Hurricane Rene. They’ve left off an “e” but we’d be honored to have a hurricane named after us, but only if it plays nice.

In the midst of the Senate hearing on the proposed economic bailout today, we encourage you to research the issues and understand fully what is being proposed and how it may effect our economy. We also encourage you to have some fun by playing the blame game. Head over to www.portfolio.com to play the “Who killed the economy” game. It’s a 16-seed march madness format to determine who the ultimate culprit is. Funny that the Democrat-majority Congress isn’t in the field. Hmmmm…

Just a few tidbits to help you get your week started right.

First, in case you’re employed and not high on Marijuana, you might have missed the “naked bike ride to demonstrate against oil” or something that took place in St. Louis Saturday night. Let me just say (at least from watching the video) that most people in the ride were not naked, and certainly none of the remotely attractive people were. You can’t bill the stupid night bike ride as a naked ride unless people are actually naked. If it’s a few people riding naked, well the rest of the people just become voyeurs on a bike, and that really should be confined to the internet (or health clubs).

Also not a real smart idea for men to ride bikes naked what with the giant metal bar running across the frame and a slippery seat from all the sweat and all. Actually, on second thought, those people not reproducing might not be such a bad idea after all. Bonne chance!

Next is a tidbit for you regarding “the US Oil crisis” (cue theme music). Both presidential candidates are making much of record profits in the oil industry, particularly the $11 billion Exxon-Mobil made last quarter. Well, did you know…at a rate of 390 million gallons per day consumed in the U.S. and 18.4 cents per gallon in federal gasoline taxes, the federal government is raking in $6.5 billion per quarter and over $26 billion per year. And all that’s without taking on any of the risk or investment that the oil companies are making to generate their profit. If you want to get pissed off and ride around naked about something, do it about the government’s windfall. Get your priorities straight you jackasses.

This also doesn’t include the money each state takes in which averages 21 cents per gallon and is over 30 cents per gallon in New York, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin.

Finally, an appropriate comment on the ridiculous retirement/reinstatement of Brett Favre by ESPN’s Rick Reilly. Enjoy.

Two items for you on this Monday morning. First up is an RV dealer coming up with an unorthodox excuse for backing out of an auction on Ebay: Killer Bees. Click the link to read that article on the Consumerist.com.

Second is a piece written by Gerard Baker in the UK Times Online. Regardless of what side of the political aisle you’re on, you have to appreciate the prose and eloquence in the article. And if your seat happens to be on the right, boy is it a sweet piece of satire.

You’re welcome.

About 10 years ago I vowed never to fly AirTran again. Back then I had to travel A LOT for work and often AirTran had the cheapest fares. My boss was pretty tight with the purse strings so AirTran it was. However, back then their on-time performance was so bad I was actually able to convince my cheapskate boss that I was losing so much productivity due to delayed flights and missed connections that he gave in and let me fly on real airlines. These days I don’t travel that much…maybe a couple times a year to Chicago and/or Orange County, CA and I always fly one of the majors.

Now I see this story about a recent AirTran flight from Florida to Boston. Several questions immediately come to mind after watching the news story, none of which are even addressed in the clip.

WOman Sat In Urine Soaked Seat on Flight - Watch more free videos

1. The flight attendants KNEW that some guy had pissed the seat on the previous flight and DIDN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT?

2. They always tell you that your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device which implies that it is removable but they DIDN’T CHANGE IT?

3. And most importantly, what were the circumstances on the previous flight that led to some guy PISSING HIMSELF in his seat?!?! I mean come on, give us something. Was it an old dude that forgot his Depends? Was it some drunk that passed out and pissed himself in his sleep? Was it a regular dude who had too much coffee and the flight was so bumpy that they wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom and he couldn’t hold it any longer?

Sure it’s gotta suck to be the lady who sat in the pee-seat and then had to walk around Logan Airport in a blanket but I’m sure she’s got lawyers lining up at her door to sue the pants off (rim shot) of AirTran so she’ll be just fine. I want to know how the seat got soaked in pee in the first place. That’s got to be a good story. If anyone knows more about this story, please email the editor or use the comments (if they’re working today).

Busy week last week so time to catch up on the news…

Mark O. brought you the story about the transplanted Brit living in Australia Ian Usher who decided to auction off his life. Included in the offer was his house and all its contents, a car, a motorcycle, a jet ski and some other crap. Well, the auction closed and unfortunately for Mr. Usher, the final bid was a fiscal metaphor for his life- disappointing. The auction closed and while Usher had hoped to get at least $480,000, he ended up getting $382,712. Congratulations and good luck in your new life.

Scientists at M.I.T. by way of a study using gerbils have proven that certain foods can make you smarter. According to the study, choline (found in eggs), uridine monophosphate (found in beets), and docosahexaenoic acid (found in fish oils) all made the gerbils smarter. The scientists also concluded that several foods will make you dumber- Hot Pockets, Almond Joy candy bars, and weed.

Speaking of weed, Matthew McConaughey and his girlfriend Camila Alves had a baby boy last Monday- Levi Alves McConaughey. According to McConaughey, he and his girlfriend have “…created the greatest miracle in the world.” Let us all hope there are greater miracles in the world and may God have mercy on our souls.

Also in baby news, Nicole Kidman an her husband Keith Urban gave birth to a six pound baby girl named Sunday Rose Kidman Urban, or Sunday Urban for short, or “suburban”, which is what that kid will get called in the school yard if it’s even slightly overweight.

Finally, in very disturbing news, four words that should never be used in one sentence: “Verne Troyer” and “sex tape”. Thankfully, a Judge has shut down the release and distribution of a sex tape featuring Verne and his ex-girlfriend. The judge ruled that Troyer’s attorneys “demonstrated that he (Troyer) will suffer irreparable harm to his reputation” should the tape be released. That’s reason enough in my mind for that thing to never see the light of day.

You’re welcome.

As reported by The Phanatic Magazine, plans could be in the works to “retire” JoePa and replace him with Rutgers head Football coach and savior Greg Schiano.

Loyal RedRenee.com readers know that I live in Jersey and have been a big Rutgers and Big East football supporter for years now. As much as I hate the fact that there’s now an 8000-name waiting list for season tickets in Piscataway, I’d rather pay premium prices for tickets than see the program backslide into the Terry Shea era. Stay tuned.

Because a long gaze into Jessica Alba’s eyes can be nothing but good.

Maybe you’ve seen the stories about Tricia Walsh-Smith, wife of Broadway Producer/Mogul Philip Smith, smearing her soon-to-be ex-husband on Youtube. In case you aren’t up to speed on the details of the story, click the link for some Wiki-help.

We’re going to take a ride in the time machine and go forward to the divorce trial for a little Tuesday fun. Take a listen:

Mr. Smith’s Attorney: “Your Honor, this broad’s crazy. I rest my case”.
Mrs. Smith’s Attorney: “I object!!”
Judge Wapner / Judy / Mathis: “Sustained. Counsel, substantiation please.”

Mr. Smith’s Attorney: “I’d like to enter into evidence exhibit A”

Mr. Smith’s Attorney: “…and Exhibit B. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go play some golf. Philip, I’ll send the bill to your accountant (the one you may or may not be having an affair with).”

You’re welcome.

First, an interesting idea for you. I remember hearing about something like this in the UK where fans bought majority interest in a football (soccer) club. Sounds like it’s about to happen so start selling all your sports memorabilia to generate capital…

http://www.projectfranchise.org/

http://www.myfootballclub.co.uk/index

Second, another unfortunate incident to give good Catholics a bad name. As reported at SportsbyBrooks.com, a catholic school in Kansas refused to use a ref for a boys basketball game because the ref is a woman. Even if it is some radical throwback offshoot, and even if parts of Kansas are still stuck in the 1950’s, this is unacceptable behavior. Certainly proof that stupid doesn’t have a religion.

Third, Mark O. is excited about baseball season and offers this classic video of a Mississippi Braves manager going all Russell Crowe on the infield.

Finally, Mark O. offers this open letter detailing why he fired his secretary; a forwarded e-mail turned blog post if you will.

Why I fired my Secretary, by Mark O.

Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.”

I thought…well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids…they will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o’clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.”

I said, “Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day…we don’t need to go straight back to the office, Do We?”

I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?”

She said, “Let’s drop by my apartment; it’s just around the corner.”

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.”

“Ok.” I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake …followed by

my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing “Happy Birthday”.

and I just sat there…

on the couch…

naked.

You’re welcome.

Here’s your primary delegate leaderboard courtesy of MSNBC.com:

The home stretch of the primary season is in sight so time to check on the current Presidential odds. Sadly, all of the exotic picks have fallen off the board- people like Clint Eastwood, Bill Maher, and James Carville. Instead, the field is pretty well defined, with perhaps a couple of surprises. Keep in mind these are odds to be elected President, not to win the party nomination:

Barack Obama 4-5
Hillary Clinton 3-2
John McCain 3-2
Al Gore 5-1
Michael Bloomberg 5-1
Mike Huckabee 25-1
Ron Paul 100-1
Mike Gravel 500-1

You’re welcome.

We’ve been working on an angle to wrap-up Super Tuesday and really can’t come up with one. Regardless of what side of the aisle you sit on, the political drama up to this point has been pretty compelling. Edwards and Giuliani’s departures from the race, Bill and Hillary double-teaming Barack, Obama playing the race card, Hillary playing the female card, Romney playing the Conservative card, McCain playing the flip-flopper card, Ron Paul playing the Ross Perot card, and Ted Kennedy french-kissing Obama at American University. These are just some of events that stick out in our minds.

We’re going to continue to try and keep our coverage down the middle while encouraging you to be an informed voter, rather than most of the populace who tend to vote for personality and “feelings”.

Strategically, there are two (of many) storylines to continue to watch. On the Republican side, it will be interesting to see if the party can come together amidst the various factions which are pulling it apart at the seams. On the Democratic side, the touchy-feely approach to the last Democratic debate appeared to be a good strategy for the party as a whole. A nasty side effect for the Clinton campaign was Obama being elevated to a higher level of legitimacy amidst the back-patting and cordiality. After this past Tuesday, the Clinton’s will be forced to take the gloves off once again and this time do it without being accused of being racists.

If you weren’t able to vote in your state’s primary or aren’t registered in time for an upcoming primary, we encourage you to make sure you get registered in time for the general election. In case your keeping score at home, here’s the current delegate standing courtesy of MSNBC.com:

You’re welcome.

Two signs of the apocalypse for you today- the first is this Viagra commercial. I’m sure you’ve seen it by now, but every time I see it, I’m reminded that the end of the world must be near. To all of my friends who may be reading this- if in 15 or 20 years, we’re sitting around an old restaurant rehearsing our folk band and we bust out a couple verses of this song, please one of you lace your guitar with C-4 and end it for us. Thanks.

The second sign of the apocalypse is the spawning of another McConaughey. As was reported all over the place, actor Matthew McConaughey and his Brazilian model girlfriend are expecting a child. On McConaughey’s website, he’s announced “…my girlfriend Camila and I made a baby.” He goes on, “We are stoked and wowed by the miracle of creation.” He also says “Wish us the best, keep us in your prayers, and God bless evolution.” Unfortunately he did not specify what exactly his child is going to evolve into, we can only hope that it evolves into a positively contributing member of society.

Baby gifts can be sent to the couple at McConaughey’s motor home if you happen to know where it’s located at any given moment, but pants and shorts only as the baby will likely go through life shirtless like his/her father.

You’re welcome.

If you’re still unsure about who to vote for in your state’s primary or more importantly who to vote for in the general election come November, this website may be of some help. You answer 14 questions online and it spits out which candidates your responses most closely align with. We can vouch for the accuracy only in that it spit out who we thought it would based on our responses.

You’re welcome.

There are so many delightfully ridiculous stories in the news this morning, it’s too hard to focus on just one. Here’s a quick rundown of all that is ridiculous in this country:

* Pop star Hannah Montana is taking heat for using a body double briefly during her concert. Allegedly for about 60 seconds a body double is on stage while Hannah changes costumes. No word whether or not she does her own stunts.

* The city of Cleveland (Ohio) is suing 21 banks claiming “…their subprime lending practices created a public nuisance that hurt property values and city tax collection.” No word yet on whether or not this lawsuit will set a precedent so that intelligent homeowners can sue all the stupid and irresponsible homeowners for getting us into this mess in the first place. Way to go Cleveland, you’re finding new and exciting ways to benefit on the backs of others.

* Hillary Clinton has unveiled a “$70 billion dollar economic stimulus” package including $40 billion in tax rebates. No word yet on how much she plans on raising taxes to help pay for the rebates.

* Finally, want to know why some of the free world hates Americans? A recent World Health Organization report stated that 40% of the world does not have access to sanitation facilities and more than one billion people globally still do not have access to clean drinking water. With that in mind, watch this video and you’ll know why those people hate us.

You’re welcome.

There’s just too much bizarre news today not to bring it to you. First, Pete Rose says baseball players who use steroids or other performance-enhancing drugs are “making a mockery” of baseball. I’ll let all you baseball purists sort that one out while I laugh in your general direction.

Florida State could be without as many as 25 players for their bowl game against Kentucky because of a cheating scandal involving an online course. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in college but I’m guessing if any college football players at any university are able to take courses online, at least 10% of them are cheating. Congratulations to Florida State for perfecting it though. And congratulations to Kentucky for scoring the first win of the bowl season for the SEC. Damn that SEC is good!

Rivals.com is reporting that, on top of being completely inept, the officiating crew that called the Illinois upset over Ohio State was led by an alleged dirty, rotten scoundrel with some gambling issues. The week before, Joe Tiller filed a complaint about the officiating crew following their “handling” of the Purdue-Penn State game. The complaint allegedly prompted Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delaney to suspend the crew for the final game but some bizarre reason allow them to still officiate the most important game of the Big Ten season between Ohio State and Illinois. There were many horrendous calls in that game, none more offensive than the blown fumble no-call that resulted in Illinois’ first touchdown and ultimately, the difference in the game.

Rich Rodriguez tells West Virginia they can pry the $4 million buyout from his cold, maize and blue hands.

And finally coming full circle on the first steroids article, Baltimore Orioles’ Second Basemen 2nd baseman Brian Roberts said he took steroids once in 2003 but didn’t inhale, Andy Pettitte is getting slammed for his claim he took HGH because he’s a “team player”, and the Rocket denies rocketing steroids into his body.

You’re welcome.

Here’s just enough information to make it look like you know what you’re talking about at the water cooler today:

The Chinese are Attacking Again
The children’s toy “Aqua Dots” is being recalled because “a chemical coating on the beads can metabolize into the drug gamma hydroxy butyrate” which is commonly known as the “date-rape” drug. Two children in the U.S. and three in Australia were hospitalized after swallowing the beads. Again- the Chinese are to blame here with a Chinese Manufacturer said to have replaced glue in the product with the toxic chemical. Allegedly, the recalled toys will be re-distributed evenly between discoteques, strip clubs, and Lindsay Lohan’s house.

Toys tied to date-rape drug recalled

Grande Mocha Ho Latte
I blogged back in February about scantily clad baristas heating things up in Seattle. Well not to be outdone, Las Vegas has gotten into the act too but with sleazier management, as if that were possible.

Hot coffee gets even hotter at Sexxpresso

I Can’t Believe it’s not Civil
George Clooney and Fabio got into a fight in a restaurant. Apparently there was some hair-pulling and slapping. Please, please let that video show up on Youtube. Please.

Fights in la-la-land

Ain’t Karma a Bitch?
You surely know O.J. Simpson is back in court, this time for allegedly roughing up a memorabilia dealer. If you want to impress your co-workers, rattle off this list of charges the Juice is answering to:
*Conspiracy to commit a crime
*Conspiracy to commit kidnapping
*Conspiracy to commit robbery
*First degree kidnapping with use of a deadly weapon
*Burglary while in possession of a deadly weapon
*Robbery with use of a deadly weapon
*Assault with a deadly weapon
*Coercion with use of a deadly weapon

Scab I am
The Writer’s Guild continues to strike, holding all our favorite non-reality TV shows hostage. I don’t support unions unless the occupation is highly hazardous (police, dangerous manufacturing, etc.) and I definitely don’t support a writer’s union. I know the writers have families too, but the laws of supply and demand need to run wild here. Among the things the Guild is asking for are:
*Increase DVD and videocassette payments
*Increase television residuals for the CW and MyNetwork TV, and made for pay and basic cable; reduce thresholds for foreign residuals; improve and expand residuals on sequel payments.
*Modify the initial compensation provisions for quiz and audience participation programs.
*For daytime serials, further improve breakdown and sample script minimums; improve the less than one script per week waiver provisions.

Lots of blogs and Variety Magazine are blasting the WGA for the strike, but I have an easier solution. Let them strike. Hire me and all the other hacky bloggers. Let the laws of supply and demand govern this issue. I will (and do) work for cheap! Scab I am!