I don’t try to hide my disdain for modern air travel. If you’ve been around here for awhile you’ve seen several of my tales from the sky.

Monday I thought it might be a good idea to do Columbus-Phoenix roundtrip in & out in one day for a business meeting. I was also wondering what my resistance to swine flu is so I thought what the hell.

Attempting such a round trip flight in one day is a risky proposition; it’s not La Guardia to LAX but it might as well be. 3 1/2 hours out, 3 hours back plus the 3 hour time change.

Strike one for the Phoenix airport was the off-property rental cars. Many major cities have their cars off-property, but Phoenix makes it an art. Phoenix is particularly vexing mostly because of the piss poor system of connector roads between terminals.

The Phoenix rental car facility is like a caricature of itself. It has to be the same size as the airport, and it looks like it was built to serve 10 million people a day, even though there couldn’t have been more than 100 people there on a Monday morning.

It’s the type of place that was dreamed up by pseudo intellectual government types- complete with idiots riding Segways from the rental car counter to the shuttles. Devoid of all common sense and practicality. It really is absurd.

The Hertz rental kiosk didn’t work so I had to wait in the 10-person line to get a car. The meeting went fine. Lunch went fine. Back to the airport I go.

Because I’m such a swell guy, I dropped my co-worker off at his terminal. His flight was slightly before mine, but really I didn’t see any need in subjecting him to the rental car center again. For anyone that lives in the Phoenix area, I challenge you to get from terminal 4 to the rental car center in under 15 minutes. If you can do it, you were speeding and you probably ran over three pedestrians.

The path from terminal 4 to the rental car center includes no fewer than ten decision points including a completely random Y-intersection that has a concrete divider that is so imposing it looks like the hull of a giant concrete ship coming at you.

After exchanging pleasantries with the rental car checker-inner person, and getting gouged for $75 for a 4-hour rental (including $30 in taxes), it was off to the shuttle. 15 minutes to wait for the shuttle, 20 minute shuttle ride through the same ridiculous path I had just come from, then 20 minutes to walk to security. I kept waiting for Ashton Kutcher or Howie Mandel to show up- the shuttle might as well have dropped us off in the economy parking lot- the walk would have been the same.

I made it on the plane with about 5 minutes to spare and now through the magic of the internet, I take you there live now:

Here I sit- in the front of coach- which is to say I’m close enough to see the 1st class customers get chocolate chip cookies, a warm towelette and a smile, while I enjoy the nothingness of the coach section.

But most importantly, I’ll be home tomorrow for kindergarten registration- the reason I attempted this fiasco in the first place. And some day, far from now, once the pig flu symptoms have subsided, my child will remember that I was there. And if she doesn’t, I’ll make her read this.

You’re welcome.

If you missed Sportscenter today, you missed another installment in America’s favorite new reality tv show “When Coaches Attack”. This episode features Michigan Women’s Head Basketball Coach Kevin Forseth (click the link below and then come on back).

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1119159952/bclid1119242954/bctid1437285837

The Forseth video doesn’t rate as highly as the episode with Oklahoma State Coach Gundy this fall.

And who can forget the Dan Hawkins episode- classic!

Or this oldie but a goodie, courtesy of Jim Mora Sr.:

And how about giving Dennis Green some love!

I can’t stop. Thank you Hal McRae!

And finally the great John L. Smith. At least John L.’s wrath came mid-game which is understandable, especially when you’re coaching Michigan State.

You’re welcome.

We’d like to look longingly back at the commercials from the 2008 Super Bowl, but we really can’t. The field was for the most part mired in mediocrity, with very little humor or cleverness. Worse still, there were loads of just bad commercials. Take the Salesgenie.com ads for example- they sucked. An apparent attempt at ripping off the “Erin from E-Surance” ads, they were neither clever nor well-executed. Par for the course considering some of their past efforts (little kid talking about how much Dad works and then Dad bringing home a puppy). A puppy!

Even commercials that we thought showed promise grossly disappointed. Take the two water spots for example: the Sobe “Life Water” ad with Naomi Campbell and the lizards dancing to “Thriller” had so much potential, and yet went nowhere. The premise is great- lizards re-enacting Thriller and the duality of Michael Jackson no longer being a human. Unfortunately, there were too many execution problems with the commercial. First, there needed to be a background- give us some hazy fog, a cemetery, something dammit. Second, the constant switching back and forth between the lizards and Naomi Campbell was ill-timed and pointless. In fact, Naomi Campbell was pointless for the entire spot. Again- the spot was a good concept but went absolutely nowhere.

The second water commercial was Vitamin Water’s “Horse Race” ad featuring Shaq riding a horse. Again- loads of potential in the concept, little delivery in the execution.

Finally, and most disappointing, were the Budweiser ads. Bud can usually be counted on for some quality entertainment but they must’ve fired their ad department this year. The worst of the bunch was the caveman ad which, besides being annoyingly cliché while trying to take advantage of the current “caveman fad”, just wasn’t funny or compelling, and was barely watchable.

As further proof that I continue to slip away from the general population’s likes and dislikes, here’s USAToday’s favorite commercial according to AdWatch- it’s a little clever and mildly watchable, but a $3 million ad buy for this?:

You’re welcome.

Final Score:
New York Giants- 17
New England Patriots- 14

Eli Manning just announced as Super Bowl MVP. There were several passes that should have been intercepted, but sometimes that’s the way the game goes.

Enough can’t be said about the Giant defense. Throughout the game, the front seven provided ruthless pressure on Brady resulting in only one touchdown on 29/48 passing. Neither team could establish much rushing which is a credit to both defenses.

The Patriots should be commended on an amazing season, just one game short of perfection.

The commercials were pretty poor overall with no real winners to speak of. I find myself permanently scarred by the nipple dude with the battery cables and Fox’s non-stop tv promotions.

Thanks for sticking in with us tonight and congratulations to the New York Giants.

10:11 pm Wow- what a night. Definitely the best Super Bowl I can remember in the last ten years. The Giant defense shut down a prolific Patriot offense and Eli Manning played the gutsiest game of his career. Unfortunately for all football fans, the ‘72 Dolphins record continues and we’ll have to listen to them for at least another year.

10:09 pm Mark O. says the idiots in his neighborhood are whooping and shooting off fireworks. At least they’re not burning couches (yet).

10:07 pm Giant nation is stunned. Eli wins the Super Bowl one year after Peyton (that’s what I just said Joe Buck, quite stealing my stuff).

10:03 pm Giants take over on downs. Ball game. For some strange reason the officials see it necessary for the Giants to actually run a play and burn the final second. There must be some sponsorship associated with the final second.

10:01 pm 65-yard bomb to Moss incomplete. This thing’s almost over.

10:00 pm Brady just got the Bundchen knocked out of him. Part-time Brad likes the hit.

10:00 pm 25 seconds left. Three timeouts for New England.

9:57 pm What a slant route by Plexiglass. He smoked the DB- absolutely unbelievable. Mark O. puts down his pizza and yells the Yankees win! Theeeeeeeee Yankees win. Part-time Brad says sexico in the hizzouse. Spartan pride.

9:55 pm Giants 1st down at the 13. Smith got out of bounds to stop the clock. 49 seconds to go.

9:53 pm Right now is when the Giants are missing Shockey the most. The receiver routes are taking too long to develop and Manning is running for his life. No timeouts left- 2nd & 11.

9:52 pm Unbelievable. What an escape by Eli and Tyree coming down with the ball trapped on his helmet. Absolutely unbelievable.

9:50 pm Memo to Eli’s left hand: quit sitting there all lazy like and wrap up that football. Punk.

9:49 pm 4th & short- Giants convert. Nice work Jacobs.

9:45 pm Uhhhh….man with battery cables connected to his nipples powering a booming stereo system playing Salt ‘n Peppa?

9:44 pm Horrible play-calling. 2:04 to go, the Giants should have run the ball. Take some pressure off Eli, make third down more do-able, two-minute warning. Eli will take the heat if he can’t pull this off, but the coaches own this.

9:42 pm Peyton Manning sighting # 5.

9:41 pm 2:42 to go. Giants have all three timeouts left. It’s Eli time. What a stick on the kickoff. Hixon needs to check his junk on the sideline.

9:39 pm Touchdown Moss. Good protection. Good throw. Giants should have blitzed heavily there but they look gassed. 14-10 Patriots.

9:37 pm Welker just got tattooed. There’s some heavy hitting going on out there tonight.

9:36 pm Double fake by Brady and a bad throw to Moss. I could’ve made that throw. With a boot on my foot.

9:36 pm 1st and goal Patriots.

9:30 pm Maroney for 1st down. There’s that running game I was talking about. You don’t need to be Charlie Weis to come up with this game plan: Maroney, Welker. Welker, Maroney. Moss down the field. Ballgame.

9:27 pm A 375 horsepower Hyundai?

9:23 pm Mark O. says his bottle of scotch is empty but his Red Baron pizza is almost ready. Sounds like Monday morning could be interesting.

9:21 pm Congratulations to E-Trade for finding new and exciting ways to exploit talking babies. Well done.

9:20 pm Where is the Patriots running game? Giants are going to win this game if New England can’t get some diversity on offense. What you think Brady is, a super hero? Oh, you do? Oh, ok.

9:17 pm Sarah Connor Chronicles promo # 512. Fox is a whore.

9:15 pm Mark O. says Jared Lorenzen is FAT (not phat). I remind him that it’s actually Kirstie Alley, not Jared Lorenzen. He returns to his bottle of Scotch.

9:14 pm B+ commercial break- James Carville on a Segway and crazy big wheel racing. Nice stuff.

9:12 pm Touchdown Giants- David Tyree. Peyton Manning sighting # 4. What a pass by Eli threading the needle into a very tight space. 10-7 Giants.

9:12 pm Joe Buck just repeated my comment about the O-Line. He must have the page up on his ‘puter.

9:11 pm Eli is in the zone. The Offensive Line is giving him tremendous protection.

9:08 pm Mark O. says Shockey who!! Nice work Boss.

9:07 pm Peyton Manning sighting # 3

9:04 pm Chester Pitts bagging groceries- good stuff. And the line at the end about the Texans being in the Super Bowl. Maybe they’re saving the good commercials for the 4th quarter…

9:02 pm Tom Brady incomplete pass to Gisele Bundchen. Damn super models.

8:58 pm New England found the answer to the Giants rush. He’s 5′ 9″ and his name is Wes Welker. The Linebackers aren’t keeping up with him.

8:55 pm Mark O. says Joe Buck wants to date Wes Welker. He just got a note passed to him in study hall that said that.

8:53 pm E-Trade baby puking on keyboard. Bud Light commercial with dude getting hit by a jet. That marks the first mildly interesting commercial break. Pathetic.

8:50 pm Into triple coverage. Plexiglass almost came down with it. Mark O. says Asante Samuel is a free agent and his Eagles need him. part-time Brad has stopped by and says the Giants would win if they didn’t suck. Seriously, tell me what other website you get this kind of analysis from? None I say.

8:48 pm That was a late throw by Manning. Lucky that wasn’t picked off.

8:42 pm First “pin their ears back” mention by Aikman. Strahan with the sack- loss of six. This is becoming a “defensive struggle” as “they” say.

8:41 pm What a sweet cut by Kevin Faulk to convert the 3rd & 13. Nice work.

8:38 pm The Giant D came to play tonight. Too bad the 12 men on the field penalty gave the Patriots a fresh set of downs. That six week layoff is really making for a sloppy game. Oh wait, that’s college football, never mind.

8:33 pm Shaq riding a horse is the gold. Solid gold. The commercial should have been funnier though. The Ad agencies just aren’t trying this year.

8:32 pm Mark O. says he saw his wife’s nipple during halftime so the Super Bowl tradition continues. Take that FCC.

8:23 pm How long does Chris Myers spend in the make-up chair. I’m going with two to three days. Thoughts?

8:12 pm Decent effort by Tom Petty tonight. No nipples though. Damn censorship.

8:09 pm Mark O says he won $50 on the coin toss- lucky bastard. And Brandon Jacobs needs to get it going in the second half. We’ll see…

7:54 pm Halftime. 7-3 Patriots. Pretty weak commercials. Hopefully the halftime efforts are better.

7:43 pm Pepsi commercial with Justin Timerblake. Nice. Well done Pepsi.

7:37 pm That was too close for Manning’s comfort. Receiver slipped on that one.

7:28 pm Down goes Brady. Nice pressure up the middle from the Giants. 3rd & 17.

7:13 pm Holy Patriots. Interception Hobbs. Turnover # 1 goes to New England. That was Eli Manning’s 1st interception this post season.

7:12 pm Peyton Manning sighting # 2

7:08 pm Gisele Bundchen sighting. Hey- there’s Jim Carrey too. Wow, my life is enriched.

7:02 pm Touchdown Patriots. Honorable mention to Bridgestone for the 1st squirrel commercial of the evening. Nice job.

6:58 pm Wow that’s interference. 1st and goal at the 1.

6:46 pm Excellent commercial # 1 goes to Diet Pepsi Max with L.L. Cool J and a sweet combover. Nice!

6:45 pm Strong opening drive by the Giants. 3-0 New York.

6:39 pm Peyton Manning sighting

6:29 pm Ill-advised pick: you can’t stop history and you can’t stop the hoodie. Patriots by six.

6:27 pm Giants win the toss. House promo # 1. Damn you Fox for jamming your promos at us. I guess it’s your right for paying $75 Bozillion for the Super Bowl. Still sucks. Oooh, what’s this? A Troy Aikman promo? Stuff it Aikman.

6:23 pm Prison Break promo # 1. We get it Fox. They’re still trying to break out of prison. We don’t care.

6:16 pm Sarah Connor Chronicles promo 1: Eat it Fox.

6:11 pm Full disclosure: I (Red) is stating for the record that I married into a die-hard Giants family and am currently wearing my G-Men thong. Mark O. should be joining us shortly and also in the effort of full disclosure, Mark O. lives in New Jersey which in and of itself only means that his judgement is partially impaired by virtue of making a conscious choice to live in New Jersey. That said, we hope this will be a hell of a game. A Giants win will make us happy and a Patriots win will make history.

So many storylines to think about- will the Giants be able to establish the run?, will Tom Brady’s scalp actually go bald during the game?, will the commercials be better than last year? Can’t wait…

6:09 pm Further pre-game ranting- Memo to Fox: thanks for making me mute every commercial break so my kids don’t hear your promos for House or Terminator Sarah Connor Chronicles. So much for family programming. Eat it Fox.

6:07 pm More pre-game ranting- Memo to GM: if you really want us to think you “super-green”, just make all your frigging cars hybrids. Otherwise, stop cramming hybrid commercials down our throats at a seven per hour clip. Eat it GM.

6:04 pm Pre-game ranting: I need to get some stuff off my chest. First of all screw Fox and the red carpet. Thanks for taking one of the manliest of all events and wussifying it by putting Ryan Secrest out there on the red carpet. Nice to see all the celebrities get in to see the game while Joe Fan has to shell out $3,000 for tickets. Screw you NFL. And memo to Fox: we don’t care about celebrities predictions for the game. Talk to us about global warming or scientology or just shut up.

6:01 pm We are live!

I’m angry. Burning red with anger today. So angry I can’t even see straight.

Today, my anger is focused squarely on Senator John Kerry. The Mitchell investigation and continued governmental inquiry into baseball is only a minor annoyance to me since I don’t care for baseball much. But what is Senator Kerry sticking his nose into now? The NFL Network and the fact that the Patriots-Giants game at the end of the season will be broadcast exclusively on the NFL Network.

The reason this is significant is that the Patriots will likely still be undefeated at that point, with a chance to make history by beating the Giants and becoming the second team to go through the regular season undefeated. Do I want every red-blooded American to be able to see that potentially historic game? Of course I do. Do I think it’s every red-blooded American’s right to have the NFL Network? No. Nor is it the role of any governmental official to step into a dispute between a cable network (Time Warner) and a cable channel.

We’ve become such an instant gratification entitlement society that most observers wouldn’t even blink upon hearing Kerry’s comments. And that’s part of the problem.

It’s nobody’s God-given right to get to watch their team every Sunday. The NFL Network risked hundreds of millions of dollars in starting a network from scratch for this very type of opportunity. It’s called capitalism and you better believe I’m not going sit by quietly while some Socialist Senator from Massachusetts tries to interfere. If the Patriots get to the point where they’re playing for 16-0, It will create a significant capital opportunity for the NFL Network, for which they’ve risked much to create that opportunity.

How did we become so soft as a society that we think we deserve everything we want in life.

Don’t get the NFL Network? Go to a sports bar. Don’t want to go to a sports bar? Get Directv (gasp!). Too lazy to switch from cable to Directv? Quit your complaining then.

Thank goodness ESPN’s Dana Jacobsen asked Kerry toward the end …..uhhhhh….don’t you have like more important things to worry about, like the war, the economy, global climate change, etc.? Kerry’s response “of course we do”.

BTW- according www.coopamerica.org, between 1989 and May of 2006, Time Warner made a total of roughly $16 million in campaign contributions, of which nearly $3 million went out during the 2004 election cycle. And of that money, 76% went to Democrats. Shocking. More to the point, according to another website, TimeWarner ranks as the fourth largest contributor to Senator Kerry’s war chest, donating almost $300,000. Again, shocking.

Senator Kerry- Piss off.

We’re turning our attention, once again, squarely on Colin Cowherd in another episode of mythbusting. Not in defense of the Ohio State Buckeyes, but rather in defense of the truth. Colin has spent way more time than he should have over the last two days lambasting OSU’s non-conference schedule and drawing a line between it and the non-conference schedule of USC. He’s made the statement over and over the last two days “Ohio State picked up the phone and dialed W’s”. The implication is that USC’s non-conference schedule is representative of the non-conference schedules of the each of the other teams in the top ten. That simply isn’t true.

On paper, USC’s non-conference slate of Idaho, Nebraska, and Notre Dame is admirable. It certainly isn’t their fault that both Notre Dame and Nebraska decided to have historically bad seasons at the same time. That’s pretty much where the admiration ends though.

Getting honorable mention is Missouri who had two games out of conference against BCS conference teams (Illinois and Mississippi). Still, Missouri “dialed wins” booking Western Michigan and I-AA Illinois State for their other two non-conference tilts.

Georgia gets the same honorable mention for games against Oklahoma State and their rivalry game against Georgia Tech. Two cupcakes rounded out their non-conference schedule as well with games against I-AA Western Carolina and Troy.

The only other honorable mention goes to West Virginia, but it comes with an asterisk. The Mounties did schedule non-conference games against two teams from BCS conferences (Maryland, Mississippi State), but because the Big East is more a loose connection of teams (eight of ‘em) and less a full conference, they have to schedule five games out of conference which nearly forces two of them to be against “big boy” programs. WVU’s other three non-conference games include Western Michigan, Marshall (no, not that Marshall, the bad one), and East Carolina.

That’s one good schedule (on paper) and almost three honorable mentions. The rest of the top ten is crap. Total crap. Why Colin Cowherd chooses to focus all of his wrath on Ohio State is beyond me. He clearly has a problem with the system (as do I), but instead of directing his anger toward the system, he directs it toward the Buckeyes.

Yes Ohio State scheduled a I-AA opponent. Half of the top ten did this year. Yes Ohio State scheduled two in-state MAC opponents. According to Jeff Sagarin, the MAC ranks as a more difficult conference than the Sun Belt and Conference USA. Sun Belt teams Troy, Florida Atlantic, Florida International, and Middle Tennessee State show up on four of the top ten schedules. Conference USA teams East Carolina and Tulsa show up on three schedules in the Top Ten.

And if Colin Cowherd really wants to come after a team in the top ten, it should be Kansas. Kansas didn’t have a single non-conference game against an opponent from a BCS conference- a I-AA team, two MAC teams, and a Sun Belt team.

Be an informed college football fan and commit the following schedules to memory. Let actual data inform your opinions, and don’t ever take what you hear on the radio or TV as the truth. Unless it’s true.

Missouri- Illinois, Mississippi, Western Michigan, Illinois State (I-AA)
West Virginia- Western Michigan, Marshall, Maryland, East Carolina, Mississippi State
Ohio State- Youngstown State (I-AA), Akron, Washington, Kent State
Georgia- Oklahoma State, Western Carolina (I-AA), Troy, Georgia Tech
Kansas- Central Michigan, Southeastern Louisiana (I-AA), Toledo, Florida International
Virginia Tech- East Carolina, LSU, Ohio University, William & Mary (I-AA)
LSU- Virginia Tech, Middle Tennessee State, Tulane, Louisiana Tech
USC- Idaho, Nebraska, Notre Dame
Oklahoma- North Texas, Miami, Utah State, Tulsa
Florida- Western Kentucky, Troy, Florida Atlantic, Florida State

You’re welcome.

In the national media, there’s an unstoppable principle at work and it goes a lil’ something like this: If three or more journalists/radio hosts/tv hosts share the same opinion, it becomes public fact. If one person makes a statement, it’s just an interesting opinion. If a second person shares the same opinion, it starts to gain traction. If a third person iterates that opinion, it becomes fact and therefore part of the lexicon of the sport.

I don’t have a problem with national hosts sharing opinions- that’s what they’re paid to do. I do however have a problem when these clowns don’t use factual data to back up their points. One stat doesn’t make an argument, and sometimes two stats don’t either.

One of these opinions is that Ohio State, should they get into the National Championship by virtue of a WVU or Missouri loss, will lose in fantastic fashion just like they lost to Florida last year 41-14. It’s unfair to judge any team by their performance in one game, especially one that occurred last year. More to the point, it’s simply lazy and reckless journalism.

People like Colin Cowherd back the statement up by saying things like, “I’ve seen the SEC up close dawg, Ohio State can’t run with them”. Like using the word “dawg” instantly adds credibility to the statement. Or Dennis Dodd, who still stoops to using the term “luckeyes” when lamenting about the possibility of the Buckeyes “backing” into the National Championship. With that kind of ass-tastic logic, any team would be “backing into” the National Championship, with the exception of Hawaii who is the only undefeated team.

All Ohio State has done over the last three seasons is win all but four of their games. West Virginia has equaled that record over the last three years winning all but four games. USC? Lost five. LSU? Lost six. Florida? Lost seven. Oklahoma? Lost nine. Missouri? Lost eleven games over the last three years. I’m not saying that makes Ohio State and West Virginia superior teams over the last three years, I just don’t understand the hating. It’s disturbing that anyone with a national audience would hide their hatred for a team or university behind inaccurate and reckless comments such as those made by Colin Cowherd and Dennis Dodd.

Regarding everyone else, especially the portly fellow that my brother works with down in SEC country- you have a brain; use it. Don’t accept whatever opinion you hear on the radio or TV as fact. Use your brain to assess what is fact and what is factless opinion. And under no circumstance should any of you voice an opinion about a team unless you’ve seen them play at least twice in that season. If all you’re doing is “box scoring” and getting caught up in rhetoric, keep your trap shut because you simply don’t know what you’re talking about.

To that end, we thought it would be fun to take some of that “Colin Cowherd Logic” and present some opinions that simply must be true…

1.) Missouri will lose to Oklahoma because they’ve lost to them the last five times they’ve played.

2.) West Virginia will lose to any team that’s ranked 20th or better in rush defense (they lost to 20th best South Florida so it must be true).

3.) If Georgia should somehow meet West Virginia in the National Championship, they will lose because West Virginia beat Georgia in the 2006 Sugar Bowl.

4.) If Kansas plays any other team ranked in the top 25, they will lose because they’ve lost to the only team in the top 25 they’ve played this year (Missouri).

5.) Should Virginia Tech play any team in the top 5 ever again, they will lose. Since 1948, Virginia Tech is 1-24 against teams in the top 5.

6.) Should LSU play a team with an eight-letter-long school name, they will lose. They have lost to both eight letter schools they’ve played this year (Kentucky and Arkansas).

7.) USC will lose the next game they play that doesn’t get broadcast on ABC or ESPN. They have lost two games in a row on other networks- Oregon (FSN) and Stanford (VS). Thank god ESPN picked up the ASU game last week and saved USC the embarrassment of a three-loss season…

You feelin’ me dawg? You gettin’ me? Ignorance is dangerous man. Dangerous.

You’re welcome.

Wherever you are today, we wish you a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

Our website is almost a year old, so in honor of that, we thought it’d be fun to bring back one of our first posts. Just in time for Thanksgiving, here’s a little ditty we put together in disgust after watching last year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Missing: The Real Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

Scour the country… someone has stolen the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. In its place on Thanksgiving morning was an insufferable combination of bad lip-syncing, uncomfortable emceeing, and an endless parade of interviews with NBC “stars” promoting their “hit” shows. This whorification exhibited by NBC is inexcusable. What’s on tap for next year, splitting the screen into quarters and running “Law & Order: Thanksgiving” on three sides?

Also mixed in was a 45-minute commercial for Broadway, which by itself, I’m fine with. Culture (the noun) in this country is nearly bankrupt. But putting the Tony Awards in a Thanksgiving costume and passing it off to the general public is not acceptable.

I think I saw a few floats. Maybe a marching band or two and some cheerleaders, but not sure. As soon as the clock hit 15 seconds on a band, the cameras zoomed off to other things while Matt & Meredith threw down some schticky banter. At least Santa was still invited, but they managed to roll credits over top of him. Ho, ho, ho.

And worst of all, while gathered around the tv with my young children, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a tv ad for “Save Darfur.org” which mentioned burning bodies, rape, and genocide. Pass the rolls please. I appreciate calls for social responsibility and activism, but warn me so I can cover my children’s eyes and ears. I don’t know if NBC fully embraced this ad or if it was some sort of guerrilla advertising that snuck on; either way it was and is completely unacceptable. There are better ways to educate America than to shock and frighten children watching an innocent (albeit nearly unwatchable) parade.

If anyone happens to find the real Macy’s parade, call NBC immediately. I’ve got some leftover turkey I’ll offer up as a reward.

This story has just about run its course but I’ve had a rough couple days so, it’s still news to me. Here’s the press conference that started it all (make sure and turn your volume up real high as to make it even angrier sounding):

Here’s Jenni Carlson’s article in the Oklahoman that started it all.

Here’s Jenni Carlson’s video response plus a glimpse into local Stillwater news (frightening).

Who’s right? Don’t care. Should college athletes be treated like professional athletes? Nope. Can Mike Gundy yell louder than Jenni Carlson? Sure can. If Gundy stands still during his tirade with his orange t-shirt and in front of the orange Cowboy wallpaper, will we be able to see him? Sort of. How did Coach Gundy not drop any f-bombs during the tirade? No idea.

Here’s a video of some dude wearing a giant black tablecloth (aka Kansas’ coach Mark Mangino) delivering some…….errrrrr……uhhhhh……coaching. I’m pretty sure Raimond Pendleton isn’t going to be diving into the end zone again any time soon. For the record, Kansas won the game 52-7 over Central Michigan.

Hurricane Dean Disrupts Travel Plans in Bay Area

Huge Hurricane Roils Yucatan

Marylanders Affected by Hurricane Dean

Hurricane Dean Knocks More than a Dozen Ships Off Course

Dean Blows Chaos into Travel Plans

Vacationers Flee Cayman Islands as Dean Approaches

Caymans Brace as Hurricane Dean Nears

Hurricanes happen. Often. Especially between August and October. It sucks when people lose their homes or cars or belongings, it really does.

Please oh please national and local news, stop running stories on vacationers getting displaced by hurricanes. If you’re stupid enough to vacation at a place and at a time when a giant wave might come ashore and sweep you onto the mainland, then you should spend 14 hours at the airport waiting for a return flight. Sorry- I just don’t care about your story. Call me heartless. I probably am. Just because it’s happening, doesn’t make it news.

Is it too much to ask for news outlets to exercise some freaking judgment and restraint and stop vomiting whatever happens to flash across the AP wire?! I guess so.

No Mas. Uncle. Please stop.

There. I feel much better. I almost threw the remote through the TV (again). I’m going to go watch “Anchorman” to work out the rest of the stress.

You’re welcome.

What is it about CNBC’s Erin Burnett that turns middle-aged men into blabbering piles of rubble? Maybe it’s the smoldering “girl-next-door” looks, the blue eyes, or the plunging necklines she’s often sporting. There’s got to be something to it when two of the more senior cable news men are reduced to their vulnerable pre-star, pre-wealth selves.

First is everyone’s favorite money man, Jim Cramer, apparently sliding into second base, head first:

Next is Cramer again, likely mesmerized by the skin-tight turtle shell number Burnett has on, reaching new ranting heights (which is a lot by Cramer standards). The meltdown starts at about the two minute mark and amazingly crescendos. All that’s missing from this rant is Cramer screaming “You can’t handle the truth!” And for the record, I’m pretty sure Erin can handle the truth.

Finally, MSNBC’s Chris Matthews goes off on a teen-like tangent asking Burnett to come closer to the camera. Warning: If you’re a big Chris Matthews fan, or are his wife, you may want to look away.

So I’m minding my own business on a Monday night, getting some work done, got Sportscenter on in the background, and what do my wandering ears hear but the dynamic duo themselves- Lou Holtz and Mark “stealing money from ESPN twice a month in the form of a paycheck” May already in mid-season form. The two (plus Reece Davis) were laying out their pre-season top 10- laughable in and of it itself- including Wisconsin at # 4 and LSU at # 2. I’ve got reams of ….screen… to be devoted to the Badgers and the Tigers but I’m saving that for a little later.

What really got me worked up tonight was two comments, first from May in describing Texas’ Sophomore Quarterback Colt McCoy: “If you thought Colt McCoy was good last year, he will be even better this year as a sophomore.” Really Mark? Is that how it works? May-day is an amazing never-ending fount of amazement. And he makes me wish my TV was a dunk tank every time I throw something at it.

And then Lou Holtz chimes in at the end of the piece when they’re talking about other potential top ten teams saying Notre Dame is “not in a rebuilding mode, they are reloading.” Reloading? Seriously? I guess if Charlie Weis is holding a one-of-a-kind Remington crap-gun, then yeah, they’re reloading.

Can’t wait for football to start. Still hate the BCS.

Lynn University in Florida has a course called “The Final Four Experience”. That’s right, the Final Four. Twelve students majoring in Sports Management plus a couple professors arrived in Atlanta last Wednesday to take in a Georgia Tech baseball game, an Atlanta Thrashers hockey game, and of course attendance at both NCAA National Semifinal games Saturday and the National Championship tonight. The students also toured the pro and college sports stadiums, and networked with team executives and sponsors, according to the AP report.

In exchange for the privilege and bounty bestowed upon the students, they’re required to do some work during the event- keep a diary/journal during their travels and make presentations regarding major sports facility and event operations. How about this: “Day One: Dear Diary, I am the luckiest mother f***er on the planet.” Day Two: “I can’t believe I’m actually getting three credits to attend the Final Four in person. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Tom Cruise.”

The AP article is filled with nauseating comments from the participating students about how the trip offers them insight into their major and the opportunity to network with like-minded professionals. It should instead have been filled with quotes like “I’m just living the dream” and “Lynn and his/her University is the greatest person-university combo on the planet”. My professors couldn’t even hook me up with a decent job interview in college; the profs at Lynn are scoring Final Four tickets for their students. If had any of my student loans left to pay, I’d stop.

Better still, one of the professors who organized the trip has his eye on some other great sporting events. Professor Theodore Curtis mentioned the football BCS championship game in New Orleans next year and the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. What’s next for the ‘ol course catalog- “The VP Hunting Experience” for Poly Sci majors? “The Strip Club Experience” for Pole Management majors? Or maybe “The Jimi Hendrix Experience” for Pharmacy majors?

Well, call me Rodney Dangerfield but I’m brushing up my transcripts and going back to school at lovely L.U. I’ll be the one with the grin plastered permanently on my face and the diary under my arm. See you in the classroom.

The greatest return policy in the history of retailing is over. In a move to appease analysts and Wall Street, Costco has amended its long-standing return policy. You used to be able to return anything to Costco at any time, even without a receipt, and get a full refund for the product. Unfortunately, the scenario that too often played out was that a customer would purchase an HD TV for example, then return it nine months later when prices have fallen enough that the person could upgrade to a bigger, better TV for less money. No questions asked. The only exception was computers which had a six month window for returns. Electronics represented about 5% of Costco’s total sales and the abuse of the return policy was hurting the bottom line.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17350641/
http://www.costco.com/Service/FeaturePageLeftNav.aspx?ProductNo=11204333

The new policy will give customers 90 days to return televisions, computers, cameras, camcorders, portable music players, and cell phones. Costco will also extend the warranties on TV’s and PC’s for two years to help make the transition.

The former return policy was legendary among loyal Costco shoppers as well as deal hunters. Unfortunately, like many good things, the few have spoiled it for the many. And I just bought a TV at Costco three weeks ago (seriously, I did). So if and when that TV breaks in two years and two months, I’m coming after all the people that abused the policy and thus incited the change. Assuming 100,000 or so abused the policy over the last couple years, that’s approximately 18 cents a person that you’ll owe me. I’ll talk to you in a couple years.

You’re welcome.

You know I love America as much as anyone but I’m SICK of the political correctness that is overtaking our country like a virus. EVERYBODY is a victim. The latest example of this epidemic comes from the record-setting American Idol show. Everyone knows what American Idol is. Everyone knows who Simon is. Everyone knows that Simon ridicules people. The first several episodes of each season are filled with horrible singers that get 5 minutes of fame to sing on tv in front of millions of people and be laughed at by the world. The contestants know it going in and many of them probably show up knowing that they can’t sing but might get famous for sucking (see William Hung). Knowing all this, why in the world is Rosie and the other ladies of the View opening their gigantic pieholes about the way that contestants are being treated this season??? These people that get on tv are being done a favor by American Idol. They are getting an opportunity that few others have or will receive.

Rosie et. al- shut up. Please for the love of God. SHUT UP. Stick to complaining about “The Donald” and stop feeling sorry for people that are getting exactly what they signed up for. The wussification of America is making me sick and you are leading the way.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070119/D8MOE2J00.html

Scour the country… someone has stolen the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. In its place on Thanksgiving morning was an insufferable combination of bad lip-syncing, uncomfortable emceeing, and an endless parade of interviews with NBC “stars” promoting their “hit” shows. This whorification exhibited by NBC is inexcusable. What’s on tap for next year, splitting the screen into quarters and running “Law & Order: Thanksgiving” on three sides?

Also mixed in was a 45-minute commercial for Broadway, which by itself, I’m fine with. Culture (the noun) in this country is nearly bankrupt. But putting the Tony Awards in a Thanksgiving costume and passing it off to the general public is not acceptable.

I think I saw a few floats. Maybe a marching band or two and some cheerleaders, but not sure. As soon as the clock hit 15 seconds on a band, the cameras zoomed off to other things while Matt & Meredith threw down some schticky banter. At least Santa was still invited, but they managed to roll credits over top of him. Ho, ho, ho.

And worst of all, while gathered around the tv with my young children, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a tv ad for “Save Darfur.org” which mentioned burning bodies, rape, and genocide. Pass the rolls please. I appreciate calls for social responsibility and activism, but warn me so I can cover my children’s eyes and ears. I don’t know if NBC fully embraced this ad or if it was some sort of guerrilla advertising that snuck on; either way it was and is completely unacceptable. There are better ways to educate America than to shock and frighten children watching an innocent (albeit nearly unwatchable) parade.

If anyone happens to find the real Macy’s parade, call NBC immediately. I’ve got some leftover turkey I’ll offer up as a reward.

I’m calling an immediate truce to the escalating razor blade wars. I implore Gillette, Schick, Bic, and any other manufacturers of men’s shaving products to come together and put an end to the one-upsmanship taking place in the the competitive men’s grooming category.

In an unprecendented move, Gillette’s “next generation in shaving” the 5-blade Gillette Fusion, quickly answered the Schick Quattro, which was in response to the Gillette Mach 3. Trumpeted as “…the future of shaving,” the Gillette Fusion is clearly an example of excessive bladeage. The staff at redrenee.com asks: “When is it enough?” What man’s facial hair is so tough that he needs the equivalent of a weed wacker to trim it?

I fear we’re hurtling needlessly toward the widespread distribution of the “Schick Ocho.” Before anyone gets hurt, please put down the forceps and the microblades and step away from the R&D lab. All I want to do in the morning is walk out of the bathroom not looking like Bruce Willis in the “broken glass” scene from “Die Hard.” Work on that problem.