If you’re like me, you’ve liquidated your 401k and all personal valuables in order to buy enough gold ingots to build a wall around your house to keep out Acorn and the census workers. I’m feeling a bit of buyer’s remorse, so here are a couple of tips to help you avoid a similar fate:
1.) Don’t buy products from caterpillar-mustache-wearing fake karate expert criminals.
2.) Don’t be swayed by such empirically-provable statements as “…in these tough times, that’s more important than ever” and “…held value for over 5,000 years”.
It’ll be a big weekend for Buckeye Nation with the spring game on Saturday and the NFL draft on Saturday and Sunday. First the vitals:
NFL draft
Saturday 4pm-9pm ESPN, NFL Network
Saturday 9pm-11pm ESPN2, NFL Network
Sunday 10am-6pm ESPN, NFL Network
>>If you have satellite radio, you can get entire draft coverage on Sirius
Here’s the timing for picks in each round:
Round 1: 10 minutes
Round 2: 7 minutes
Round 3: 5 minutes
Round 4: 5 minutes
Round 5: 5 minutes
Round 6: 5 minutes
Round 7: 5 minutes
There’s loads of draft coverage but here are a few of the best:
>>Walter Football.com- Loads of player info plus a very thorough mock draft.
>>Of the major sites, I’m always partial to Foxsports.com. Access their draft coverage here.
OSU Spring Game
Saturday 1:30pm
>>The game will be televised locally on 10tv and ONN. You can watch the game live streaming here or listen to it online via 97.1 the fan. 10tv will also be streaming the game.
If you’re going to the game- look me up; I’ll be the handsome one sitting in the Club seats. It looks like low 80’s with a slight breeze- show up in force and bring the kids.
Depth is thin at a number of positions this spring, especially at Quarterback where TP and Joe Bauserman are the only scholarship QB’s. To keep track of players, here are the rosters for both squads:
>>From Buckeye Commentary.com, “The Curious Case of Jim Bollman“. Some solid points and complete failure to assure me that the line is going to be fine this year. Thanks a lot.
>>Eleven Warriors.com lists several of their keys for the game. I don’t think we’ll learn a lot from the scrimmage but certainly two of the biggest story lines going into Fall will be the development (or not) of Terrelle Pryor as a QB and the promise and production of Brandon Saine, who allegedly is finally healthy. We’ll see. It’s Boom Herron’s ball to run with until Saine shows some consistency.
Starting the week off with an interactive post for you- feel free to leave your comments below or with the poll on the right.
With ER wrapping up a couple weeks ago, I started putting together a list of the five greatest TV series finales of all-time. It’s obviously a highly subjective topic, and while I didn’t have trouble picking the five, positioning certainly was difficult.
The criteria for this exercise is 2/3rd’s the quality of the actual final episode and 1/3rd quality of the series. It’s for this reason that for me the final Seinfeld episode (in two parts) didn’t make the cut. While I believe it to be the greatest series in television history, the final episode fell well short.
Without further delay…
5. Friends
While not necessarily unexpected in its’ presentation, the final Friends episode was everything it needed to be. An appropriate end to an era, the final episode was both funny and cuddly like the rest of the series. The episode obviously also scored points for bringing the Ross and Rachel relationship to the proper conclusion:
4. Johnny Carson
The final episode of the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson marked the end of another era. Late night television will never be as good as it was with Johnny in the 11:30 spot and Letterman in the 12:30 spot. The final episode here wasn’t all that ground-breaking either, but included genuine comments by Johnny, some good reminiscing, and Ed & Doc giving their farewells. Best of all- Johnny rode off into the sunset afterward adding even further weight to the farewell show, a far cry from what happens today when people in the public spotlight officially “retire”.
3. M*A*S*H
The early seasons of MASH were before my time but I saw plenty of the later episodes including the 2 1/2 hour series finale. The final episode, which to this day remains the most watched TV episode in the U.S., (by share) included one of the most memorable tv images of all time- the final “Goodbye” spelled out and as seen from the helicopter.
2. The Sopranos
When the Sopranos series finale debuted it brought loads of controversy. Much of the fan base screamed about being left in the dark. I’ve always sided with David Chase in that the finale provided all the answers that were needed and was a fitting, artful way to finish the life of Tony Soprano. Sopranos scores big points for me for being the best drama to ever be put on TV plus a final episode that was beautifully done all the way around.
1. Six Feet Under
A dark, lower-profile HBO series, the final episode of Six Feet Under was pure art. Like Sopranos, the final story stayed true to the rest of the series. The final six minutes is the most beautiful piece of television I’ve ever seen- perfectly-matched soundtrack, storytelling without words, and complete resolution.
I continue to be a huge fan of “How I Met Your Mother”, the modern era “Friends” if you will. They’ve always done a creative job of integrating the show into the internet, from Barney’s Blog to Barney Stinson’s Facebook page.
They’ve done it again with the latest episode, this time with Barney’s video resume as featured on the episode “The Possimpible”. Click here for the link. Here’s a link in case you missed the episode.
College football officially kicks off Thursday night with the usual smattering of JV matchups. The first Saturday isn’t spectacular either as far as opening weekends go, but definitely has a couple games you need to watch:
NC State @ South Carolina
Thursday, 8pm ESPN
Admittedly, this isn’t a great matchup, but if you’re like me, you’ll take any sniff of a decent game on a Thursday night, let alone the very first Thursday of the season. South Carolina is favored by 12 and we like ‘em by at least 14.
Hawaii @ Florida
Saturday, 12:30pm Gameplan
This game is officially subtitled: “wish this were played last year”. Hawaii is a shell of what they were last year, and Big Urb and the Gators crush shells.
USC @ Virginia
Saturday, 3:30pm ABC
There are only two things compelling about this game. 1.) Will Mark Sanchez’ knee cap be on the front or the side of his leg? 2.) Will the long road trip and jet lag for USC allow the Cavaliers to cover the spread (20 points). Answer key: 1.) Front, just like Carson Palmer’s, 2.) No, Trojans by 28+.
Utah @ Michigan
Saturday, 3:30pm ABC
File this one under “morbid curiosity” but I can’t wait to watch RichRod’s Ann Arbor debut against what should be a decent Utah team. The line opened at 4 and has fallen back to 3 1/2 which basically makes this a pick ‘em. Given what happened in Michigan’s opener last year, I don’t think it’s overdramatic to say this game sets the tone for Michigan’s season. Either way, you should watch this game. Michigan by 3 in overtime.
Appalachian State @ LSU
Saturday, 5:00pm ESPN
LSU will win. Sorry underdog fans.
Alabama @ Clemson
Saturday, 8:00pm ABC
The headline is “mid-tier SEC team vs. ACC elite”. Of course, “ACC elite” is the same as gold rims on a Ford Focus (no offense to Focus owners). I like Clemson for a lot of reasons, mostly because they’re at home and they’ve got a well-balanced team. Clemson’s young offensive line and Alabama’s defense will keep the game very close. You should watch this game.
Illinois vs. Missouri (in St. Louis)
Saturday, 8:30pm ESPN
Missouri won this game last year 40-34 in what turned out to be watershed seasons for both teams. Missouri finished their year by spanking Arkansas while Illinois finished their season being the spankee at the hands of USC. I don’t see a spanking for either team in this game, but I do like Missouri by about 10 points. The final part of “the Juice Williams” experiment to materialize is consistency, so until I see consistent excellence from him, I’m picking the other team.
Happy Friday to everyone. If you’re heading to the clubs this weekend and looking to start some static, here are 26 ways to kick someone’s ass, courtesy of Judo:
Also for your viewing pleasure, Snickers has come up with some funny ads featuring the great Mr. T. The subtle tagline is “Get some nuts”, which is delightfully dripping with double entendre in these two spots. The first is taking aim at the ridiculous flopping that takes place in soccer. The second ad, which apparently has gay rights groups up in arms, is aimed at speed walkers. I guess I didn’t realize speed walking was exclusively the domain of homosexuals.
You may have seen this video of a fashion model falling twice on a runway in Paris, but you probably haven’t seen this version with a couple of news anchors unable to contain their glee upon watching this. This combines two of my favorite things- models falling and news anchors going “off-prompter”.
Several questions come to mind as I watch this clip, and they’re listed here in no particular order. With the 15 calories or so these models actually digest each day, how is it that more of them aren’t falling off the track and into the “stands”? Why is it fashionable to look like you’ve just been electrocuted? And why is it that these anchors aren’t painted as racists for laughing at a white girl falling down? Surely that would be the case if the tables were turned…
We’d be remiss if we didn’t recap some of the spectacular testimony from the Roger Clemens’ Congressional hearing on Wednesday. Our comments are as follows:
1.) The whole thing is a complete waste of tax-payer money, and an angry attempt to justify the findings of the Mitchell Report. If Clemens has in fact broken a law and perjured himself, indict him and give him a fair trial where his defense counsel has a chance to research and cross-examine witnesses as the law allows. This dog and pony show is gratuitous, and again, a complete waste of tax payer money, and during an election year I might add.
2.) I’m not body language expert but Clemens sure looks guilty. The exchange about the B-12 shots is curious too- Clemens says McNamee gave him B-12 shots and McNamee says he doesn’t even know what B-12 is (which is laughable). I wonder if in Clemens mind he hasn’t rationalized HGH as “B-12 shots” and thus by admitting to the B-12 shots he feels like he’s telling the truth.
3.) There’s no way McNamee would have injected HGH into Clemens’ wife while Clemens wasn’t home and without Clemens’ knowledge. Any red-blooded American man would kick any other man’s ass for injecting HGH into his wife, with or without her permission, and certainly would never let it happen while that red-blooded American man wasn’t home, and most especially, not a hot head like Roger Clemens. Again, laughable.
Here are the highlights from ESPN which, all things aside, does make for compelling TV.
And in yet another gross waste of taxpayer money, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell met with Senator Arlen Specter about the Patriots’ spygate scandal. With boat loads of foreign and domestic issues, Senator Specter felt it necessary to spend valuable tax payer money looking into the hoodie using a video camera to tape defensive.
And for some comic relief, here’s some additional Clemens-McNamee footage:
No introduction does this video justice- just watch. Safe for workplace.
It appears this guy is some dude named Jake Byrd- this is freaking hilarious. He even gets behind wunderkind Bill Hemmer. “Thank you Joe Pesci”. Freaking hilarious. Ten bucks says if this press conference took place at the University of Florida, this dude would have been tasered.
Inspired partly by my love of old-fashioned greasy spoon joints and also inspired by Food Network’s series “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives with Guy Fieri”, we’re beginning a monthly post dedicated to great American diners. In an ever-homogenizing restaurant world, diners with unique history and high-quality food are truly endangered. If you get a chance to stop in at any of these restaurants, make sure you do. Feel free to leave your nominations for Diner of the Month in the comments.
This edition is dedicated to the South Side Soda Shop and Diner located in Goshen, Indiana. If you ever find yourself wandering around Northeastern Indiana, stop in to this legendary place. From the award winning chili to the long list of Philly hoagies, to the homemade bakery items and the classic diner fountain drinks, the South Side is worth the trip.
The South Side Soda Shop and Diner originally opened in 1910 as a grocery store. In the 40’s a soda fountain was installed and the building was converted to a soda shop. The shop was restored and re-opened in 1986 under the skillful direction of owners Nick and Charity Boyd. In 1994 a dining car was added to the existing building to add seating and give the place a more authentic diner look.
In addition to being featured on Food Network, the South Side has also been featured in a Steve Buscemi film (”Lonesome Jim”) and in Gourmet Magazine.
If you go, send us a picture and we’ll post your review.
The Teen Choice Awards airs on Fox on Sunday, August 26th. Ordinarily, this and any other of the roughly 22,000 awards shows on television don’t warrant even a passing glance. Unfortunately, I have to take exception with this year’s Teen Choice. I’ve never seen the Teen Choice Awards, but I’d imagine the target audience bends more toward the early teens rather than the late teens- late teens having much more to worry about that Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlake.
Nominated this year in the category titled “Choice Music: Payback Track” is Pink and her latest single “U + Ur Hand”. Seems like a harmless enough tune- nice little rock beat and a catchy hook- but let’s take a closer look and find out what America’s teens are nominating. Here are some highlights, not quite in iambic pentameter, from the actual lyrics from 2007’s best impersonation of Pat Benatar:
Going out
On the late night
Looking tight
Feeling nice
At the bar six shots just beginning
That’s when…put his hands on me
I’m not here for your entertainment
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight
Midnight
I’m drunk
I don’t give a f**k
Wanna dance
By myself
Guess you’re outta luck
You know who you are
High fivin, talking s**t, but you’re going home alone arentcha?
Quite a role model Ms. Pink is. Do your kids a favor- take them out for ice cream when this piece of crap awards show airs on the 26th of August. And whenever this song comes on the radio, change the station.
I’ve got a new favorite commercial. It’s a Mt. Dew ad featuring the one and only Mr. Chuck Norris and it’s spectacular. Before I get to the commercial itself, first the background. The commercial is not new; it aired originally during the Super Bowl, but its execution is timeless. The gist of the plot is an homage to the internets fascination with his Chuckness and his retribution on geeky punks making money off of his righteousness. The primary internet focus would appear to be the “Chuck Norris Facts” which became internet legend as a part of www.somethingawful.com. The facts became so prolific, they were spun off into a separate website- www.chucknorrisfacts.com.
Here’s an excerpt of some of my favorite Chuck Norris facts:
*There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
*Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
*When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
*Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
*When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.
*Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
*When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
*When an episode of “Walker, Texas Ranger” was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
*Little-known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the caesarian section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.
*The show “Survivor” had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors and nobody is brave enough to go to the island and retrieve the footage.
*Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
Think you’ve figured out how Sopranos ended? Yeah, me too. I don’t have time to make a video to pay homage to it, but apparently plenty of other people do. Forget about the Clinton version circulating- aside from bad acting, it strays from the original in far too many ways to count. Of course, it’s an adaptation and not a recreation. Whatever.
Here’s a recreation courtesy of the Pittsburgh Pirates. This version is extremely well done, especially given that none of the characters talk. They get extra points for the Brian Austin Green cameo (or a reasonable facsimile in the Member’s Only jacket), points for authentic use of onion rings, and extra points for the Pittsburgh mascot inside joke. Hope you enjoy.
The final episode of “The Sopranos” airs this Sunday on HBO and theories abound about what will happen to the central characters that have made it this far. Will Tony wake up as his alter ego Kevin Finnerty and realize it was all a bad dream? Will Paulie Walnuts defect to Phil Leotardo’s crew and take out Tony in the process? Will the final scene close in a blazing gun battle between Tony and Phil? Or will the series close serenely at Holstens’ Brookdale Confectionary in Bloomfield, New Jersey as many online sites have reported?
Never mind all that. If you’re a blue-blooded American, you’ll lay down some side Sopranos action on one of the many prop bets available. Here’s a sampling as of Thursday night:
Will Tony Soprano survive the final episode? Yes is a 3.5 to 2 favorite.
Will Phil Leotardo survive the final episode? No is a 3 to 2 favorite.
Will Paulie Walnuts survive the final episode? Yes is a slight favorite.
Better yet, who will be named Rosie O’Donnel’s permanent replacement on “The View”? You’ll be happy to know that Roseanne Barr is the current frontrunner getting 7-2 odds. I’m guessing Roseanne’s the frontrunner because the studio can reuse the embroidered “Rosie” Directors chair and the feeding trough with “Rosie” engraved on it. Kathie Griffin’s not far behind at 4-1 odds. And bringing up the rear is “any male candidate” getting 20-1 odds. I guess no dudes are showing up any time soon to share their view.
One more Sopranos note, maybe it’s the series coming to a close or a softening New Jersey real estate market, but the actual house used as Tony Sopranos’ in the tv show has dropped in value $7,000 over the last 30 days.
Here’s what’s on my Tivo for the summer- all the shows set up for season pass and in no particular order:
Entourage (HBO)
Sopranos (HBO)
Meerkat Manor (Animal Planet)
Colbert Report (Comedy Central)
Iron Chef America (Food)
Dream House (HGTV)
Planet Earth (Discovery)
Deadliest Catch (Discovery)
Notes from the Underbelly (ABC)
Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (Food)
America’s Test Kitchen (PBS)
The Next Food Network Star (Food)
Top Chef (Bravo)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO)
Two shout outs for the summer season. First- to NBC for cancelling “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip”. Another quality show bites the dust courtesy of what will no doubt be another crappy reality replacement show. Eat it NBC.
Shout out number two to Bravo for another season of “Top Chef.” Season number one suffered under hostess/femme-bot Katie Lee Joel (Billie Joel’s wife), but showed promise. Season two was improved with Padma Lakshmi replacing Joel as hostess, but was too dramatic at times. Constant during both seasons has been some excellent cooking, some cameos from a few of the country’s best chefs, and the ever-present presence of uber-judge Tom Colicchio. Tom’s charisma and expertise carry the show. Give it a watch.
I love commercials. I love the art of advertising and the ability of marketers to convey opinions and emotions for their products through ads. My favorite are the commercials that stink. It’s hard to make artful, concise, and successful commercials. It’s even harder to come up with concepts, gain approval, and create commercials that have no business seeing the light of day.
There are two sub-categories of bad commercials: the first is those that are just plain awful. Complete bags of crap. These are the commercials that make you (me) want to throw things at the television. The first and best example of this category of commercials are the “Head-on” ads. If you haven’t seen these ads, I’m going to spare you from the rage and object throwing you will experience. If you start to see a commercial where they begin by repeating “Head on” over and over, hit pause on the Tivo and quickly remove anything of value within a 10 foot radius around you including pets. You will then be able to finish watching the commercial.
Two other commercials that should have never been made are beautiful works of irony. The very symptoms that Alka Seltzer and Pepto Bismol treat are the very same responses my body has when watching their commercials. These two pieces of garbage don’t deserve to share the airwaves with any tv program, not even “Saved by the Bell” re-runs or “Big Brother XXXVIICM”. The advertising dollars spent on these two craptacular ads would have been better off getting donated to the IBS foundation.
Alka Seltzer ad:
Pepto Bismol ad:
The second category of bad commercials are those that are so bad, they’re good. These commercials are so magnificent in their badness, I can’t not watch. They make me giddy with wonderment. I wish I was a fly on the wall during the initial sketch sessions and then again when the ads were presented to and approved by the (drunk, allegedly, have to be) executives.
First up is my new favorite infomercial. It’s for a product called “Tater Mitts.” They’re basically rubber gloves with rough, sand paper-like grippies on the palm and fingers. You know it’s going to be good when the commercial starts out “Peeling potatoes can take forever!” From that point on, it’s 100% pure enjoyment. In addition to the fantastic commercial, the makers of “Tater Mitts” get extra points for product naming. Say “Tater Mitts” ten times fast and try to not giggle. It’s impossible.
They should have put a big warning at the end of the commercial though- “Tater Mitts are not to be used for anything other then peelin’ taters or peelin’ friends of taters (f.o.t). You must take Tater Mitts off before handling balloons, going to the bathroom, or delivering any secret fraternity handshake. Thank you. Tater Management.”
In order to watch the commercial, you have to go to their website and click on the video on the front page. It’s worth the surf, I promise. Enjoy!
http://www.tatermitts.com/
The next commercial that’s so bad, it’s good is for a new cell phone called the “Jitterbug.” I couldn’t find a copy of the commercial anywhere on the internets so you’ll just have to keep a look out for it. The phone is part of the growing “Baby Boomer Invasion” in advertising- products devoted to the hordes of baby boomers getting ready to retire. The concept of the phone is pretty simple and good-hearted- a simple, easy to use phone for Seniors. The commercial is so awesome in its use of the Jitterbug theme song and in its portrayal of the Seniors using the phone. In one scene, a 50ish year old daughter is standing next to her parents in their 70’s and they’re all three talking about how great the phone is. The gist of what the daughter says is “finally a phone that’s so easy to use, even my retarded, half-blind parents can use it!” It’s pure Norman Rockwell. Check out the website:
http://www.jitterbug.com/
Finally, my new favorite horrible commercial. It’s another product aimed squarely at baby boomers and their parents. It’s a product called “Hoveround” and it’s basically a tricked out wheelchair. The commercial is an absolute work of art- from the Beach Boys soundtrack “I Get Around” (verrrrry subtle), to the company representative Tom Kruse(owner of the company presumably) who has this bizarre look of hidden rage- his lips are uncomfortably pursed for some reason, to the gangs of seniors practicing covert military maneuvers in their Hoverounds. Whatever mall those Seniors are getting ready to invade, I’m staying the hell away.
On a side note and as a disclaimer- send a dollar to whomever the dude is that posted this video on youtube. The picture quality of the television is vintage late 70’s rabbit ears and there’s a strange periodic squeaking noise. Dude- upgrade to a 15″ black and white tele please.
I’m working on development of a new reality TV show. The basic premise is each episode a hooker sets her boss up for a glammer make-over. The show will be called “Pimp my Pimp.” Call me if you want in.
In most definitely my laziest post yet, here’s what’s on my Tivo- all the shows set up for season pass and in no particular order:
24 (Fox)
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (NBC)
How I Met your Mother (CBS)
Lost (ABC)
Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
Desperate Housewives (ABC)
Entourage (HBO)
Sopranos (HBO)
Meerkat Manor (Animal Planet)
Amazing Race (CBS)
Colbert Report (Comedy Central)
Iron Chef America (Food)
Dream House (HGTV)
Planet Earth (Discovery)
Deadliest Catch (Discovery)
JibJab’s ode to the news industry, or what we here at RedRenee.com call the moronification of America. Absolutely hilarious. Viewer discretion is advised.
"Very
interesting website, wish I had found it earlier. This information will
definitely come in handy."
- Toilet
Safety Frame
"Hey
this is good stuff. So glad you posted this. I enjoy reading blogs like
this."
- Round Shower
Stool
"This
is great info for us all. Glad you posted this. I am subscribing to this
blog."
- Molded Tub
Bar
"Hi,
I liked your post. I have been wondering about this issue, so thanks for
writing. I saved it to my delicious profile, so I will likely be coming back to
your blog."
