Hopefully this is a sign of good things to come next week (and the week after). I present to you the best player in college basketball:

You’re welcome.

The rain in Spain might fall mainly on the plain but in Argentina it falls on the street and creates these sweet-ass puddles. All my life, I’ve been trying to hit a puddle like this. On my bike after every rain storm when I was a kid, and in the car after every rain storm now that I’m an adult.

Enjoy:

Here’s to a Miracle on Ice part II. Enjoy:

Just when you think you’re having a good week…

I’m not a big Kobe Bryant fan but dang this is a catchy commercial. Enjoy:

Nothing should bring in the FCC quicker than the intersection of these two phrases: “Martha Stewart” and “pole dancing”. Well, not really pole dancing, more like wriggling uncomfortably in close proximity to a pole.

I ask you NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell- which is more offensive? Martha on the pole or OchoCinco?

May God help us all.

Apparently Brett Favre is a big American Idol fan. I don’t watch the Idol but I understand this song has become a viral sensation. Here’s Brett’s version:

…and here’s the original:

…and finally, if you didn’t see Favre’s performance this weekend, you missed one for the ages, including this sick 47-yard touchdown pass. A dime to Sidney Rice in the face of heavy pressure. The old man still has it.

You’re welcome.

From SNL this weekend, here’s a little racial sensitivity training with Charles Barkley. Enjoy:

Houston Yates 170, Houston Lee 35

That was the score for a high school basketball game in Texas. I wouldn’t expect a state like Texas to have a mercy rule for high school basketball but a 135-point win doesn’t belong in high school basketball. It was 100-12 at the half. Blame it on scheduling, blame it on this coach, either way, it doesn’t belong.

I hope your day yesterday was better than this dude’s:

I love that the dude in the black jersey is writhing on the ground like he’s injured. I’m sure his shin is reeeeeeeeal hurt from slamming into some dude’s junk. Pansies.

The bowl season starts to get more interesting today with Pitt -v- North Carolina and Boston College -v- USC. I’m interested to see who wins the battle between Pitt’s offense and UNC’s defense. I’m also interested on a scale of 1 to 10 where will USC’s apathy come in at, I’m going with a 6.5 or something. Whatever. I really don’t care.

I’ll have full game previews of the games that matter in the next day or two.

You’re welcome.

In case you need to pick up a last minute gift, here’s a great idea from Jimmy Kimmel (HT to RLong). Merry Christmas to you and yours from the Red Renee global empire.

You’re welcome.

Inappropriate to laugh while describing a gruesome murder? Sure. But looking at the picture of the perp in this one certainly explains why this chick couldn’t hold it together:

An old one from the Onion that I missed. Not timely but damn it’s funny. Enjoy:

Obama’s Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

You’re welcome.

If you’re looking to warm up sometime this week, whether it’s after going out to get the mail or knocking the ice off your car, just think about the warm times when you used your jet ski in your hot tub. Yep, that just happened.

You’re welcome.

That’s what the last second of the Texas-Nebraska Big XII Championship Game was worth to Mack Brown- $2 million. Actually, $2 million times the number of years he coaches at Texas from next year forward, so we’ll put the over/under total value at $8 million. Here’s the play in case you need a refresher:

That play is worth $2 million per year thanks to the University of Texas Board of Regents. That brings Mack’s new salary to $5 mil per year, a staggering number considering that’s equivalent to $10 million in Texas dollars or $50 million pesos depending on where Mack retires.

You can be damn sure the overlords at Notre Dame are none too pleased with the timing of Mack’s contract escalation. That little Christmas present probably cost some Notre Dame booster $4 or $5 million.

CBS actually put this together- Barney Stinson meets Frosty the Snowman. A mashup between “How I Met Your Mother” and Frosty. Don’t let your kids watch this:

Episode 13 from Dan Rubenstein. Line of the vid: “Fight on troublemakers of the sea”. Enjoy:

Subtitled “Breasts, thighs and homo-erotica on live national television”.

Sunday marks three years for this website, an anniversary I consider substantial since I have such a short attention span. I’d like to personally thank all the spammers that constantly bombard my pages. No birthday spam necessary.

Our first post was a little social commentary, something that I feel compelled to commemorate on this occasion, and I will do so with Adam Lambert. Adam Lambert, you may recall was on American Idol or something like that (incidentally Adam Lamberg is somebody totally different).

I have a multi-year disdain for the American Music Awards since most of the music is unlistenable, plus there are about 25 too many award shows. The shows are nothing but opportunities for insecure Hollywood types to stroke their own egos.

Lambert closed the 2009 American Music Awards with an s&m-laden sex-charged performance of a song off his album. Aside from the gross inappropriateness of the performance on live tv- including an oral sex simulation and a man-on-man kiss, the music sucks and the vocal performance was even worse. The performance assaulted me on so many levels, I’m not even sure where to begin.

So I’ll begin with the FCC.

Five years ago CBS was fined $550k by the FCC for Janet Jackson’s nipslip during the Super Bowl. Where does the FCC come in on a penalty for the Lambert performance? They haven’t; instead, they’re concerned about things like this:

Comment Sought on Broadband Measurement and Consumer Transparency of Fixed Residential and Small Business Services in the U.S.

ABC and Dick Clark Entertainment are pulling down videos of the Lambert video faster than Perez Hilton likely got to his feet for a standing O following the performance, but until it’s gone here’s the show:

With all of this in mind, I present the Ten Things involving Janet Jackson’s gleaming nipple that are less offensive than Adam Lambert’s AMA performance:

1. Janet Jackson’s gleaming nipple co-hosting Saturday Night Live with Octomom

2. Janet Jackson’s gleaming nipple crushing a small woodland creature

3. JJGN giving the bro handshake to Hugo Chavez

4. JJGN helping to sneak illegals across the border

5. JJGN high-fiving Mariah Carey’s nipple

6. JJGN giving the exploding fist-bump to Ellen Degeneres’ nipple

7. JJGN tackling Chicago Bears Wide Receiver Devin Hester and partially pulling down his draws

8. JJGN standing next to Josh McDaniels while he drops the F bomb on the NFL Network

9. JJGN playing in the BCS Championship

10. Both of Janet Jackson’s nipples getting exposed during the Super Bowl with Larry King standing next to her in a Speedo and a green poker visor (only those two) giving a thumbs up

You’re welcome.

I’m not sure why television crews covering sporting events haven’t quite figured out that it’s usually not prudent to get close ups of athletes and coaches when they’re pissed off. It’s especially unprudent to add the audio track.

Take the Broncos -v- Giants game Thursday evening on NFL Network. McDaniels is the Head Coach in the orange day-glo sweatshirt going batshit on the sideline. And for the record, they won the mother f****** game 26-6.

I just can’t quit you Les Miles.

I think of the cursing and the anger LSU fans must have experienced Saturday night and I just laugh, laugh, laugh. Here’s Les in his own words:

I mismanaged the back end of the Ole Miss Game. It’s my responsibility. I’m the head coach. I let the clock get away from me. It’s my fault. It’s my mistake.

Here’s the video in case you missed one of the worst clock mismanagement episodes of the season, and if it helps, picture Les wearing a Michigan windbreaker instead of an LSU one:

You’re welcome.

Installment number 11 from Dan Rubenstein. Line of the vid: “…I’m sure whoever the new guy is will be very open to looking at you for a Graduate Assistant job”.

You’re welcome.

Dan Rubenstein checks in with the latest installment. Line of the vid: “Pretty much everything about college football is dumb except for the football itself.” Enjoy:

Just in case your springs are a little rickety and you’re in the market for a new mattress, check out the most racist mattress store in America. (HT: Uncle Morty). Enjoy:

And I don’t mean dirtiest in any sexual context whatsoever. This chick’s actions would get her thrown out of the MMA, let alone D-I athletics. In fact, she’s got a spot in roller derby based on some of her moves.

Her (Elizabeth Lambert) behavior is reprehensible, but I also place a lot of blame on her coach. Lambert should have been pulled from the game long before it got this far:

You’re welcome.

The punishment for the act depicted below from Florida Linebacker Brandon Spikes (# 51)? A half-game suspension. Not even necessarily a half a game either if the thing goes into overtime (not likely). Against a 2-5 Vanderbilt team, a full game suspension would have been more than easy to hand out. Way to take the pillowy soft road on this one Urb, even if Spikes was retaliating.

Brings back memories of OSU Linbebacker Robert Reynolds and his throat gouging incident. He got a game suspension from Tress for that; so much for Tress being soft on crime.

You’re welcome.